Heart of the Matter

15

A/N

For my own sanity...and the fact that I'm already writing about the pandemic since this story is a Semi-AU, I'm just going to disclaimer everything and let you know that in this universe the Pandemic is not a thing...The only reason, I'm disclaiming this is because I don't want to open a can of worms, and this chapter isn't necessarily pandemic appropriate. 

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July 4, 2020

Fourth of July wasn't the biggest celebration in History-well it was, but it wasn't in the Buckingham's own little world. When Stevie and Lindsey announced that they had re-married Kendall had launched herself at her parents and her joy was even more so intensified when Lindsey's house was gifted to them. 

But today, Craig and Kendall were at Lindsey and Stevie's house. Chris was going to be there even though Jessie, Lori, Alec, and Roman weren't going to be. They were going up to spend time with Lori's family and Chris wasn't very welcome after their divorce. Stevie's back up singers Minnie and Sharon were also going to be there and Lindsey's niece Cory and her husband Steve. 

Craig and Kendall had stayed the night at the Buckingham's house but Kendall had been walking on eggshells. Stevie noticed but she wasn't going to say anything and she was just watching her and observing. Kendall knew her mother was watching her so once the party had commenced and Stevie went inside to get the potato salad Kendall grabbed her arm.

"What?" Stevie asks once she's been pulled aside. 

"Will you put the potato salad on the table outside and then meet me up in the guestroom Craig and I stayed in last night?" She asks.

"Of Course. What's wrong baby?" Stevie asks giving her child a sincere look. 

"I'll tell you when I get up there." Kendall sighs. 

"Alright." Stevie nods.

Worry fills Stevie's stomach, as it would any mother and when she gets up to the bedroom, Kendall is sitting cross-legged on the bed a little box in her hand.

"What's the matter?" Stevie asks sitting next to her as Kendall just hands her a box.

"Kendall, this is a pregnancy test." Stevie states.

"I know, I haven't taken it yet. I'm scared." Kendall bites her lip. 

"Honey, why are you scared?" Stevie asks.

"Well it's like...Craig and I aren't trying for a baby we decided that we just wanted to leave it up for whoever is up there to decide. Kinda like an if it happens it happens kinda thing. Not to mention I'm only 21 and we've barely been married a year. I'm going on a tour in the fall. But then there's like...I kinda really want this baby but I haven't had any pregnancy symptoms and I'm only about two weeks late so I might not even be pregnant, but my periods have always been regular. And I don't want to take it and then find out I'm not." Kendall shakes her head. 

"Kendall listen to me. I've been pregnant six times. I ended four of them by abortion. I miscarried one and then I gave birth to one. In that order. Honey, my periods were never regular ever. But I knew. I knew that if it didn't show up at the beginning of the month it might show up at the end of the month but when it didn't come at the end of the month I took a test. All six times. And honey, as scared as I was every single time I took a test, and even though I physically ended four of those pregnancies, I still felt a lot of emotion. I wanted those babies. Even though, I had the abortions. I took the option of going under. I cried as they put the mask over my face with the anesthesia or whatever the fuck it was that knocked me out, and I cried as soon as I woke up, every single time I had an abortion. Because I couldn't face it. When I found out I was pregnant with you, it was the best feeling in the world. Because unlike with the first three times I was pregnant I was ready to be a mom. I was sober and I was in a healthy relationship. I know you're nervous but the best way to get over your fears is if you take the tests. Do you want me to be here when you do?" Stevie inquires.

"Yes, please. Daddy told me right after I showed him my birth certificate that they didn't think I was going to make it because your reproductive organs were scarred. Was he right?" Kendall sniffles.

"Yes honey, he was. They claimed that, that was the reason I had the miscarriage when I did." Stevie nods brushing her fingers through Kendall's hair. 

"This is scary momma." She sniffles.

"Oh sweet girl I know but it'll be okay. And like I said i'll be right here while you take and wait for the test." Stevie gives her daughter a sad smile. 

Kendall's so young and innocent, that Stevie wants to protect her from the world. And she knows where's she's coming form. Stevie had been in that position before except hers came when she was in her 30s not her young impressionable 20s and while she's worried about Kendall's going to handle everything she knows that she's going to be there-hopefully as she is 72-every step of the way. 

"Alright baby. Go on." Stevie points to the bathroom. 

When Kendall comes back out she just crawls on the bed next to Stevie and lays her head on her shoulder handing her mother the capped pregnancy test. 

"How long did it say we had to wait?" Stevie asks.

"10 minutes." Kendall sniffles. 

"If you are pregnant are you thinking about abortion?" Stevie inquires asking the question that she really didn't want to ask. 

"No, because a baby is a gift and destiny obviously wants me to have a baby. And besides, I don't' think I'd be able to do it. Craig wants kids and while I do too, there's just so much going on right now and I'm really young aren't people going to look at me badly." Kendall questions. 

"They might, but I got the same looks when I was carrying you and I'd waddle down the grocery store aisles at 49 years old. And people knew I was 49. Hell. the whole world knows my age and they were shocked. Really genuinely shocked. But don't worry about it too much." Stevie shakes her head. 

"Momma," Kendall asks.

"Yes, my love." Stevie kisses her head.

"Will you look?" 

"Of course." Stevie pauses and looks at the test in her hand. There were two lines, staring up at her and she slightly cringed.

"Well baby, I won't be known as Grandma. Mimi or Nana will just have to do." Stevie sighs.

"I'm pregnant?" Kendall gasps.

"You're pregnant." Stevie nods.

"Oh my god! I'm having a baby!" Kendall states.

"Look at you, you're so happy." Stevie kisses her cheek and pulls her into her arms. 

"I didn't think I was going to be." She shakes her head.

"Are you going to tell Craig?" Stevie asks.

"I wanna wait until I go to the doctor. Will you go with me? I don't have a gynecologist. Not in Philly and not here." She starts to look panicked. 

"Hey, okay don't freak out. I haven't gone to the gynecologist in about Jesus..." She pauses to count on her fingers, "seven years, but I'll have Karen set you up with the woman that I used to go to." 

"Will you come with me?" Kendall questions.

"If you want." Stevie nods.

"Thanks, momma." Kendall hugs her.

"You're welcome." Stevie kisses her head again.

"I love you." Kendall whispers and Stevie nods.

"I love you too Sweetgirl."