A letter written in the peak of being stressed and overwhelmed
Genre: Non-Fiction
Warnings: Still angsty, y'all.
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Dear, You.
Words are hard for me to formulate right now.
Everything is overwhelming for me right now. Words make my head spin. Anything anyone says just adds to the tall, tall pile of things I need to do. I know I can manage it on my own. There really isn't anything anyone can help me with. I just need to figure out how to sort it on my own.
It's like having an extremely messy room. Of course, you can have someone organize it with you, but then you'd more than likely have someone putting things in places you don't want them to go.
My brain is the room and my numerous tasks and to-do's and wants and needs are the clutter. I need to sort them all into their due spots--organize my space and then I will have peace. But, it's like every time I try to tackle it piece by piece, task by task, someone comes and dumps more clutter on top of some already existing clutter.
My school work is littering the desk of my brain. My clothes are like my college work. My toys are my books and me-things. My makeup is my friend time. My blankets are my family time. Each time I try to clean up my mental desk and schoolwork, more blankets and clothes get poured on the floor. Every time I try to clean up the blankets and clothes, I get more school work. And there are times when I just need to do my makeup and my toys otherwise I will go absolutely mad. When I do those things, I always have my school work and my blankets and clothes waiting for me, often disappointed.
I feel like I'm trying so hard to balance it all, but it's so overwhelming.
To make matters worse, there are deadlines. I have to get my desk cleaned or else my clothes will get stolen. I'll have to get to my clothes or my future will be disappointing. I need to maintain my blankets and makeup or they'll get moth eaten and ruined.
It also feels like I'm being timed and graded. Someone's watching me and trying to make sure that I get it all done in a certain way, and if I don't do it the way they want, they frown, shake their head, and condescendingly write something on a clipboard.
I want to get away from it. I want to escape, but I feel like all of the clutter in my room is screaming at me to handle it. Every time I try to escape, they get louder and louder. And then someone will come in and tell me that there's a new item that I need to handle and say, "tough" when I voice that I need more time.
And then, while I'm working, someone comes in and asks me to do something, I turn and respond kindly, to which they will react with anger and frustration.
I'm doing the best I can. I'm trying to damn hard to wrap my mind around it all. I just need a moment to take a step back and work through step by step all the things I need to do without feeling like I have someone breathing down my neck and making me get it all done within seconds.
I want to run away. I want to get out. I want to find someone who will run with me, but it feels like no one is there.
Even as I say that, I know I can't run from responsibility without guilt joining the party.
I want to get my work done. I want to master it. I want to accomplish all I can, but each time I try, things are yelling at me for doing it wrong.
YOU ARE READING
A Fraction of Fiction
NouvellesA bit of short stories that I've written for class, one shots that I've made from dreams, and the occasional poem (although poems are rare). This is a way to get my thoughts, feelings, and emotions out there! Not only that, but also to share the wo...
