So Show Me...

New Beginnings

I had never put much stock in relationships.

It just wasn't worth the drama, having to answer to someone about where you were, what you were doing, who you were with.  That just wasn't for me.

I liked having my independence. To be honest, being alone never really bothered me I liked to live my life the way I pleased. At least that's what I told myself on the nights I lay awake all alone in my cold bed.

Don't get me wrong I have needs. I'm a sexually active adult, but emotions were just something I didn't like to share with others. I was not close with my family and only had one true friend. My daily life consisted of working, going home, and working again.

I could every now and then get caught up with a guy but again, nothing past a few months. They would get upset with my lack of passion as my last fling had called it. But truthfully I wasn't willing to go beyond a few meaningless nights and when they pressed me for more I would run.

Zak my ex. I had met him one night while I was out with Dani, my best friend. He walked up to the bar not even looking in our direction while he waited for the bartender to notice his raised arm.

He was tall but I only stand at 4'11 so everyone was tall compared to me. He had a thicker build, he wasn't too bulky but not slim either. His short brown hair completed his matching brown eyes, he was average, nothing that caught your eye at first sight. After he had ordered his drink, he turned to me, and Dani tapping my shoulder.

"Did it hurt?" He asks in a serious tone.

"When I fell from heaven?" I roll my eyes not even bothering to hide my annoyance at his lame pick-up line.

"No from the vending machine! Cause you're a snack!" He says as he gives me this goofy lopsided grin.

I burst out laughing. Dani looks at me unimpressed; she knows I'm a sucker for jokes and puns, but could never understand how I fell for them every single time. Once I stopped laughing, I reached my hand out to shake his hand.

"I'm Jelly," I say tucking my long red hair behind my ear

"Jelly?" He says at my strange name.

"Like a jellyfish! I may be cute, but I'll sting you," I say as I give him a wink

That's how it started. We went home together that night and then spent the next few months together. He wasn't very adventurous, but my basic needs were being taken care of. I mean until they weren't.

He changed like they always do. Our nights weren't enough for him anymore. He wanted more. It started with him asking to stay the night, then wanting to get breakfast together, then the texts came: how my day was going, did I eat? normal things.

I knew he was just trying to get to know me. But to me, it was stressful I had my own demons that I hadn't dealt with yet and I just didn't want to get close or open myself up to him or anyone.

So, it went how it always goes, he became a selfish lover only caring about his needs. Then, I started blowing him off hoping he'd get the hint that I was done with the relationship. But he didn't.

One night he showed up at my front door drunk and clearly ready for an argument. I let him in and closed the door I wasn't trying to cause a scene in the middle of the night at my front door. He staggered to my couch and just stared at me while I stood looking down at him.

"Why are you here Zak?" I ask wearily.

Biting my bottom lip I watch as Zak mumbles to himself with a frown. Zak was a sweet guy I didn't think he would hurt me, but he is much bigger than I am with at least 100 pounds on me and he's drunk, and, in my experience, drunks can be very unpredictable. So when he reaches for me I immediately step out of his reach.

"You know what your problem is?" He says quietly, looking down as if he's not sure he should say it at all.

"You don't have any passion. You're cold; you never want to do anything. You never want to hang out, you hardly ever text me back, you don't try to get to know me and when we are together..." he pauses looking into my eyes searching, for what? I don't know but I stare back at him impassively.

"Do you even like me? Do you even care if I'm here?" The hurt in his eyes is clear as day, but hope flashes in them as the silence stretches between us.

"Zak, you knew what this was," I say a bit more harshly than intended.

My anger was starting to bubble up from the pit of my stomach listening to him talk. I never gave him any false hope or made it seem like I wanted more than what we had been doing.

"I was upfront with you from the beginning. I don't want anything serious," I say annoyed as he glares at me from his seated position.

I needed this to end before I said something that would hurt him more than I already had. Or something that could make him angry in his drunken state.

"I think we shouldn't see each other anymore," I say the last part slowly and clearly so my words sink into his drunken mind.

He knows I'm serious and isn't happy about it. He gets up quickly, hovering over me as his cold eyes pierce into me. He moved a lot quicker than I expected given how much he has drunk but I glare back up at him not showing any fear. 

He reaches out grabbing my arms firmly but not enough to bruise. He bends down, his face just mere inches from mine and I can smell the alcohol mixed with a hint of cherry on his breath as he whispers.

"You're nothing." He scoffs

"I shouldn't have put in an effort for an empty husk like you."

He pulls away looking for a reaction, thinking he hurt me, but I just chuckle and pull away from him. I walk to the front door pulling it open.

"You should leave," I say with a small tilt of my head towards the open door.

The look of shock on his face is priceless. I'm sure he expected me to cry or tell him he's wrong, maybe ask him to stay? But he wouldn't get that from me. He was right. I didn't care if he was here or not, I didn't need him. He lets out a loud groan, and pushes past me out the door, I quickly close and lock it.

I never heard from him again after that night. But it's been months and his words haven't left me; they didn't hurt but they had an impact. Was he right? Was I living my life without any passion at all? Maybe I'm just stuck in a rut, but nothing can change while I'm here trapped in the same place, with the same people.

It's time I need to leave. I've been saving for years to get out of here away from the shadows that linger behind me haunting me. It's time...

For a new beginning.

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I hope you guys like this first chapter! This is my first attempt at writing for others please let me know your thoughts!

Here's some love for you guys!