Might As Well

Chapter 10

Clarke had only been to Maine once and it was in the winter. She was thankful for the accidental convertible so she could take in the smells. Everything was so green, so lush and so alive. The roadways out to the inn were winding and rural. They passed farms and forests. The color of the sky was something they didn't have in California or New York. The shade of blue was so rich she could taste it.

It was hard to talk in a convertible. Clarke picked out a playlist and sat back to take everything in. The evening light was perfect as they drove north. Despite the picturesque scenery on all sides, her eyes kept finding their way to Lexa.

Lexa's nimble hand on the gear shift. Lexa's strong jaw line as she grinned when Clarke pointed out a baby calf in a field of cows. The way her legs moved as her feet glided fluidly over the pedals. She was disappointed that Lexa had sunglasses on regardless of how damn cool she looked. Clarke wished she could see those green eyes framed by all of the greenery around them.

She'd be lying if she said she didn't enjoy every kiss and every touch. While all of it was ultimately fake, none of it wasn't without threads of genuine want. Clarke had been wrestling with herself all week about whether or not she was crossing lines. It was hard to tell if your fake partner wanted to be with you for real when everything that was supposed to be for show came too naturally and felt too good.

On the one hand, they knew each other with a specific intimacy that made it feel like they were old friends. On the other, she and Lexa were technically almost strangers.

Since Clarke couldn't sort it out for herself, she couldn't dream of broaching the topic with Lexa who had just started to officially loosen up and settle into whatever it was that they had.

"We're almost there," Lexa said as she turned the volume down on the radio. "It should be right at the end of this road."

They turned onto a winding dirt road and Clarke became acutely aware that they had not discussed the almost kiss in Octavia's bathroom, and now she couldn't think of anything to think about other than the exact scent of Lexa's perfume while she untangled her watch from her hair. Clarke hadn't decided if she regretted not going for it or regretted saying that she wanted to. If it was better or worse that Lexa agreed with her.

"Hey, can you pull over for a sec before we get there?" Clarke asked. She tried to quell the urgency in her voice, but the past hour of thinking about nothing other than the woman beside her gave her vocal cords other plans.

"Is everything okay?" Lexa asked. She pulled the car over and popped the break so she could give Clarke her full attention.

"I thought we should take a quick second since the minute we drive onto that property, this fake thing between us has to become very permanent," Clarke pointed between the two of them.

"I don't want this to come out wrong, but I feel like there's something between us that's real enough that we're going to be just fine," Lexa said with a renewed confidence and a little shrug.

It was a turn on.

"What real thing that's between us?" Clarke stripped her tone of hopeful notes.

"This is a bizarre and intense friendship we have," Lexa shrugged with that one shy shoulder again.

"Right," Clarke nodded. "You're right."

"We came all this way," Lexa mustered up a smile that passed for enthusiastic. "Might as well see it through, right?"

"Are you sure? This is the last chance to drop me off somewhere else and not do this," Clarke sighed. She wanted to give Lexa the out, but she prayed she wouldn't take it.