Th*rsty (Scomiche)

Half Crazy

"My eyes are kinda tired from crying all night long."

Half Crazy by Freestyle

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I watched as the lightning pierced through the evening sky, waking up the stars. I listened to the thunder steal the silence of the night, attempting to take away the song of the cicadas. I cuddled under the sheets as the rain poured and hugged every inch of town.

Here I am, alone.

Again.

The same way I’ve always been.

I feel naked... hurt… confused. My eyes are burning with tears from being forced to watch the truth unfold repeatedly.

I hate what I’ve become because of you. But as much as I want to deny it, my heart screams for you.

Why do you have to be so selfish? Am I asking for too much? All I want is love.

Please, I’m begging you.

Even just a little love… from you.

I have eyes that can see the truth. Yet I close them and pretend. I cry but you never notice. The tears try to drown the truth that he… he’s your life. The very same tears flow to my heart and try to keep it alive and beating… just for you.

I have ears. They’ve been waiting… hoping. Believing that soon they will hear you speak my name. Do you understand how painful it is when they hear you call out his name, when you tell him you love you him? They should be hearing those words. Not him.

And my lips. They whisper words of affection but the wind takes away the sound. They cry out for you each and every night. They long to taste the sweetness of yours. They’re right before you… just waiting for you to claim them.

Why are you with him? You don’t belong together. You should be with someone like me. I’m gorgeous, smart, loving… and stupid. A fool. A martyr. A desperate being in other’s people’s eyes because I keep holding on to something that never will be. I’m in a battle without an armor, a weapon, anything to protect me and my heart. And I'm still in the battle even when I know I've already lost right from the start. I keep fighting. For you.

You know what? You don’t deserve any of this. Not the love, the time, nor the tears.

There are others out there, right? I can find somebody else who will give me the love I want... I need... and I deserve. 

They won't be like you. I’m right in front of you and yet you deny me.

I’m smart. I know I’m smart. I can do this. I will get through this and I will get over you. I hate you. I hate him. I hate myself. This is all your fault.

I’m tired and I won’t fucking do this anymore.

*****

The morning sun kissed my skin and woke me up. Its warmth replaced the sheets I’ve covered myself with the previous night. Despite the tear-stained face and heavy head I was able to smile.

New day. New hope. New beginning.

Here I am, alone.

Ready to go through everything… suffer… hurt… dream.

Again.

Like I’ve told you countless times.

I love you.

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A/N: I wrote this 13 years ago in Tagalog and rediscovered it today so pardon... basically the whole thing. I clicked on the "Save & Publish" button and closed my eyes just because I feel half crazy today (hence the title haha). I will re-read this in a few days when I feel more human and if I still hate it then I will delete it. For now, well, there ya go.

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