Th*rsty (Scomiche)

I'm Not The Only One (Part 4)

A/N: THIS FOUR-PART ONE-SHOT NOW HAS ITS OWN BOOK, although the story has been edited and is no longer exactly the same.

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“But I know that I still need you here.”

I’m Not The Only One by Sam Smith

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I woke up the following morning with a heavy head and puffy eyes. I expected my bed to be a mess considering what I did the night before but I was surprised to see the blanket draped over me. There was a bottle of water and some painkillers on the night stand. The tub of ice cream and the bottles of liquor were gone. Scott. How can I completely hate him when he does things like that? I reached for the meds and popped two pills before downing the contents of the bottle.

I checked the time only to find out it was already noon. I rolled out of bed and silently walked out of my room, hoping to not bump into Scott. After a minute or so of wandering in the kitchen looking for food, I realized that I was alone in the apartment. They’re probably together right now. Didn’t he say something about Alex making plans with him? My appetite disappeared at the thought and I decided to just get another tub of ice cream. Not going to help the headache but definitely going to help my mood. I was about to head back to my room when I heard knocking on the door. I didn’t even think twice when I went ahead to answer it, a decision I instantly regretted as soon as I opened the door.

“Can we talk?” It was Alex.

I haven’t showered - no, I haven’t even washed my face or brushed my teeth, I haven’t had coffee, I probably look like hell, and now I have to deal with him. I opened the door widely and gestured for Alex to come in. I went back to the kitchen and returned the ice cream. I thought about getting a bottle of vodka - I felt that I was going to need it for whatever Alex wanted to talk about but my head was still pounding so I decided against it and got bottles of water instead. I made my way back to the couch and then sat a few feet away from Alex, facing him. 

“Water?” I asked, offering him the bottle. 

“No, thanks.” His hands were clasped together and his elbows were resting on his knees. 

“I got your message last night.” There was no point making small talk when we both knew why he was there. 

He straightened his back. “And?” he asked, hopeful. 

What did he want me to say? ‘Okay, you win. He’s yours.’? “And what?” I opened the bottle of water and drank a third of its contents just to avoid the conversation for a few seconds. 

Alex sighed heavily. “Mitch… I love him.” 

He already said that in his message. “I love him, too.” 

“I need him.” I could sense the desperation in his voice and a part of my heart went out to him because I knew exactly how he felt. 

“He told me he was going to leave you.” This was a conversation Scott should have been having with him. But if Scott couldn’t do it, I was going to do it for him. 

I saw him flinch, saw the pained expression on his face as my words registered. “No…” he whispered.

“I’m sorry.” I was truly sorry that he felt that way but not sorry for loving Scott. 

He put his head in his hands and was quiet for a few moments. I grew increasingly uncomfortable with each passing second as the air in the room thickened with tension. 

“I’m going to fight for him, Mitch.” He said softly, still not looking at me. 

When he said in his message that he was going to do everything, I didn’t quite believe him. “Why?” I genuinely wanted to know. If I were in his shoes, I probably would have left Scott by now. 

He turned his head and looked me straight in the eye. “For the very same reason you’d rather be his number two than nothing at all. I'm sure it's not just the sex, right?" 

Was he just waiting for the perfect moment? Because he fucking nailed it. I knew he had every right to say that and I also knew what I was and what I was doing, but it hurt just the same. The truth was that he and Scott and were together first and I was the third party, the dirty secret, the side dish, the one receiving leftover love. I averted my gaze and blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. 

Alex had found his momentum and he took advantage of my silence. “How many times has he told you he would leave me? Because last I checked I was still his boyfriend. He’s still mine to call, Mitch.” 

He was hitting all the most painful spots and I had nothing to say for myself because all of what he said were true. 

He was on a roll and he started blabbering. “I’ll talk to Scott. We’ll get through this. We’ll -” 

I have heard enough and it was too much. “He’ll pick me.” I said matter-of-factly. I had to fight back and I knew it was my strongest card. “You said so yourself, Alex. You can’t compete with me. You may be together but I’ve known him longer. I was and still am his best friend. We wouldn’t even be having this conversation if he loved you enough. He’s cheating on you. With me. If we forced him to choose now, who do you think is he going to pick?” At that moment I hated myself, hated the kind of person I’ve become, and hated the fact that I had to step on another person’s happiness to have my own. But I was way past being guilty, I have waited a long time, and I have invested too much. If Alex was prepared to fight, so was I. 

Alex’s face showed a multitude of emotions but he didn’t retaliate like I thought he would. He stood up and turned to leave but faced me again at the last second. “I will find a way, Mitch. I am not giving up that easily.” With that he headed for the door and showed himself out. 

I grabbed the nearest pillow and screamed all my fear, frustration, and anger into it. That had been the most ridiculous and emotionally taxing conversation I have had in my entire life. 

I went to the kitchen and retrieved the tub of ice cream I planned on eating before Alex arrived. I also took the bottle of vodka and headed back to my room. I figured that a second round of liquor and ice cream will not make much of a difference and could actually just make me feel worse, but I no longer cared. 

When Scott arrived later that night, he found me in my room, an ever bigger mess than I was the night before. “Babe, what happened?” He climbed on top of the bed and sat beside me. 

“Have you talked to Alex yet?” That was all I wanted to know.

“He cancelled on me today. Said something came up. I’ll talk to him tomorrow, I promise.”

I promise. Those two words were the very reason I was hurting and yet also the reason why I was still holding on and fighting.

Without saying another word I pulled Scott into an embrace and crashed my lips onto his. I kissed him with so much desperation and need like his lips were the air I needed to breathe. My hands wandered frantically and I tried to touch every inch of him I could. He tried to resist at first, probably surprised by how bold I was. But it didn’t take long before he took over the way I wanted him to and claimed me the way I needed him to.

As we lay beside each other after with Scott sleeping peacefully, I tried to convince myself that what I said to Alex was true - that Scott would pick me… soon… eventually. That he would keep his promise and that the time will come when I don’t have to fight for him anymore and I will finally get to call him mine. 

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A/N: This feels like a mess but it’s been a week and IDK. Word vomit. 

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