It wasn't that he really cared that Jungkook had apparently learned his secret.
And that was, by far, the biggest lie he had ever told. Because of course he cared. He cared a lot. So much that he had actually considered going to Bang PD-nim himself and attempting to beg his way out of this contract. Because the way it stood he was going to have to endure seven more years of Jungkook and he didn't think he was going to make it.
Seven more years of him growing up and into himself. Seven more years of his confidence exploding. Of his sex appeal and the way he knew how to use it. Of his voice that sounded like flowing golden honey. Of his dancing - and occasionally he wanted to ask ARMY how all of them managed to endure that, because he just wasn't sure that he could anymore.
Of him growing his hair out and etching dark ink into his skin and gaining muscles in places he shouldn't.
He was supposed to be the elder here. The one who was mature enough to not pay attention. The one who wasn't meant to notice these things.
But it was impossible when Jungkook would stare right at him and actually have the audacity to hip thrust when they weren't even doing one of the songs that required it. Or lick his lips, pulling the bottom in to bite at it before letting out some note that should be humanly impossible.
Not paying attention just wasn't an option when it was constantly being rubbed in his face.
So he tried to just hold it all inside and only let his feelings out around the only person who knew the truth.
And that had been an accident in and of it's self. Because of course Hoseok would notice that he was staring at their maknae, deeply lost in some inappropriate thought. Mostly because it was happening when they were meant to be practicing and the other had almost ended his entire life in annoyance.
So it all came spilling out. Because he had to tell someone. Had to let the guilt out somehow. Hoseok never pushed. Just listened and made suggestions. Pointed out the way Jungkook always seemed so eager to be exactly where Seokjin was. How they were so often on the same wavelength. How Jungkook would get excited when they were on the same team. How he always wanted to end up in the same room.
How he apparently looked at him like he was his whole entire world.
'Like you're his whole entire world.'
As hard as he tried, those words kept repeating themselves within his mind.
Because Jungkook was his whole entire world too.
He just couldn't admit it yet. Not even to himself.
...
Avoiding everyone was easier in theory than it was in practice.
It didn't take long before Namjoon, ever the observant leader - except, apparently, when two of his members were making love eyes at each other. That he never seemed to pick up on - caught on that there was something amiss.
"Hyung can you just -" Jungkook's voice seemed to follow him, radiating from the point of origin down the long hallway he had taken, hoping for some kind of quick getaway. They were finished for the day, and all he wanted was to leave before anyone had the chance to catch up with him.
He couldn't actually outrun the maknae though. They were both aware of that. But he had enough head start that the distaince couldn't be covered fast enough.
So he made it. Burst out of the back door and into the alley way and was almost to the car that was waiting for him before someone was calling his name and he had no choice but to turn around and face it.
"What is it, Namjoon-ah? Don't tell me I missed some group meeting." He wasn't going to attend even if he had. Namjoon would literally have to drag him kicking and screaming back into the building, and he was relatively certain the other wasn't quite strong enough for that.
"You forgot this." There within the other's hand was his phone, tightly grasped to make sure he didn't do his normal and accidentally drop it.
"Oh." Reaching out, he took it carefully, lifting it up and pressing the button on the side, as if he could somehow tell just from that action alone that it hadn't been tampered with.
Because it was a moment just like this one that had lead to this entire mess. Him making the mistake of leaving his phone somewhere unguarded. No, he supposed his real first mistake had been making his password Jungkook's birthday, a foolish choice that he still regretted.
Actually what he regretted most was ever having met Taehyung and Jimin. Because he should have known they would both figure it out. Considering the way Taehyung constantly clung to him like a new born kitten who needed his warmth to survive. And the way Jimin enjoyed hanging off Jungkook like he was a tree he wanted to climb. Of course they would see it. And of course they wouldn't be capable of just leaving it alone.
So really, the fault lay with them. And he tried to tell himself that. But in the end he was still the one having these thoughts. Still the one looking at his precious little maknae like this.
"Thank you. I didn't even realize I left it." Last he knew it had been in his hand, because he had been showing Yoongi some lyrics he had written. He could clearly remember Hoseok calling for them, and sitting it down where it would be out of the way. Then he had been in too much of a hurry to bother picking it up again.
"No problem, Hyung. What are leaders for?" But he could tell there was more on the other's mind. That it was just difficult to bring it up because of their roles. Because he was the elder and despite Namjoon being their leader, there were still lines that shouldn't be crossed.
So he sighed. Played his role as the eldest and did what he desperately did not want to.
"There's something else on your mind, isn't there?"
"It's just -" Things were weird. Their vibe was off. All of them could feel it. And it was starting to affect the way they interacted. "You can't keep avoiding this, Hyung. Tehyung and Jimin won't even look at anyone because they feel so guilty about what they did. Yoongi is angry with both of them for messing with - and I'm quoting here - his only hyung and the only one in this group he can actually stand."
"We both know that's a lie." Interrupting just to produce sass probably wasn't the wisest idea. But here he was, doing it anyway. "He can stand Hoseok. He just doesn't want to admit it."
"Okay, Yoongi's relationship problems aside - this is clearly affecting you, Hyung. It's like your body is here with us, but your mind is somewhere else. And then the second we're done you just take off. Not to mention Jungkook has been walking around like a love sick bunny since it happened, asking everyone why you won't talk to him. Do you even realize what you're doing to that kid? Imagine you telling someone that they're your whole world and exactly how to get to you and then they do this."
"That's just it, Namjoon. Jungkook is still so young. There's so much time between us. He deserves someone his own age who is actually brave enough to tell him how they feel." It was easy to lie now. When he knew that the confession had technically been made to Hoseok and not actually Jungkook.
"You do realize Hobi told me and Yoongi about that text, right?" Of course he had. What a little snitch.
"Son of a bitch." Normally cursing was reserved for Yoongi. But he definitely felt like releasing each and every word he knew at the moment. "Please tell me he didn't spill the beans to Jungkook."
"Pretty sure he was waiting for you to get your head out of your ass and do it yourself."
"Yeah, that's never gonna happen."
"Hyung." Namjoon just sounded so exasperated now. Like he couldn't believe he was having to deal with literal five year olds and he was not being paid nearly enough. "Listen to me. You're the only one who can fix this."
"I -" The word had barely even left his mouth before he was being cut off.
"You're going to fix it, Seokjin." There was no room for discussion or argument. Because truly, he was the only one who could fix this. Because this entire mess had been created because of him.
"Yes, leader-nim."
