Young and Free | BTS [√]

ni ju hachi

JUNGKOOK is scared of girls.

That's not news. It had been evident that he's clearly terrified even with the idea of the opposite specimen.

People around him could sense it, they always did. Jungkook was good at hiding things, for many many years since he was a child but he couldn't hide something that was so prominent, lived on the surface of his very being, his eyes that screamed anxiety when a female was near and actions that were carried out sometimes involuntarily and sometimes deliberately.

Jungkook couldn't help it. He didn't know if he was born with it, this crippling fear. He was an orphan but as far back as his memories could trace, he only knew he was shy of girls.

He grew up in a facility for boys. The female species weren't there on his biggest part of life, except, there was-

Jungkook scratched the thumb of his left hand with his other. His mind trying to picture a lady in her forty's, she was a maid in the kitchen of their orphanage and she also would tak care of the young boys, tell them tales, play with them and lull them to sleep.

No matter what, Jungkook couldn't really remember her face. She was warm, caring, had a disposition that attracted the kids with a gaping hole in their hearts, children who were devoid of parental affection.

Jungkook too thought she was warm. He was weak when he was really young, eight or nine, he was perhaps. He was a cadevorous little boy, all bone and no meat. He was shy and meek, taciturn and morose.

The maiden often offered him food, ushered him to eat more, took him to her room and sat him down on her lap and she would offer him curry bread. Jungkook really loved curry breads on summer and rainy days, and warm buns filled with redbean paste on winters.

Jungkook suddenly felt his heartbeat rise, his temperature rising too with it. He had been sitting here on the bench, resting after a good amount of workouts. It wasn't because of the warm up routines but because the memories were tracing back further where he did not want to go.

He couldn't recall the lady's face, no matter what. She left the orphanage for another job when Jungkook was in middle school. Surprisingly, he didn't miss the lady. He only stiffened up when she let her hand rest on Jungkook's shoulder (he was finally taller than her then), and slid it down to his chest, then bade him goodbye with a sad and weakened smile.

Jungkook couldn't remember how her smile looked, he could barely outline the physiognomy of the small woman that once felt really big to him when he was a child.

She didn't have a husband, nor a child and often would say that Jungkook was the bestest little boy in the world. Jungkook didn't believe so.

Often she made him feel uncomfortable physically and mentally, not often, but almost all the time.

He didn't know what was wrong back then and what was right.

The discomfort grew in him, he didn't know that too until he found himself in highschool where he was finally surrounded by the opposite gender.

His elementary education was at the boy's orphanage, middle school was an all boy's school as well.

Jungkook was scratching harshly on his thumb again. It wasn't itching but he didn't know why he was abusing his finger, probably he needed to take his mind off to somewhere else.

However, his brain kept reeling back. He remembered his brain reaching a havoc when he stepped inside the school on his first day. It was point blank, everything was a dull static at first when he saw both girls and boys walking around the campus.

By the time he had reached his classroom he was violently shaking in frenzy. On the very first day he got sent to the nursing room.

Why did he feel so violently helpless, so uncomfortable and intimated, he didn't know, why did his brain and body reached an absolute mayhem, he could only ask his own self.

He was shy before. When younger he was scared of the maid of the orphanage too. She would gesture him to come closer, and it took him some time to make the first step.

How did she look like again?

Jungkook's fear was like a shark trapped in a pond. It was volatile, aggressive and too big to hide in a small pond. People realized it soon and eighteen year old Jungkook's life turned into a new level of chaos.

Despite being scared shitless he tried to survive it as good as he could. Studying in his own bubble, practicing the field he was the best at which was basketball and acing his exams and whatnot in hopes to get into a public university, because Jungkook was to be out of the government facility soon and he had to be on his own.

Most importantly, he did his best to avoid.

Avoid girls, any form of interaction with them as much as possible.

He was running away from his fears, because he didn't know how to tackle them on his own.

Until he did something he wasn't surely proud of, but it was getting him by.

"Dude, you're bleeding!" Jaehyun shouted and Jungkook immediately flinched. Only then he noticed a little amount of skin on his thumb peeled, scratch marks lined with eminent blood.

"Oh, it's nothing." Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows at the mess before he put the side of his thumb inside his mouth.

"Don't get infected or anything," Jaehyun huffed out, sweat pouring down his forehead. He rubbed his wet bangs away and took a seat on the bench next to Jungkook, still panting loudly. "Exchanged my slot with Eunwoo in the practice game. I'm too tired."

Jungkook hummed in response, the metallic taste of blood light on his mouth after he put away his thumb.

"You look dazed, man. Anything wrong? Jaehyun asked with a bit of curiousity and cautiousness in his voice.

"I'm okay. The person in the facility I was under when I was young; she used to look after me, died due to stroke today. They called to inform me."

"Oh, your babysitter? Or godmother? I'm truly sorry to hear that. My deep condolences to you and your family," Jaehyun said sincerely.

I don't have a family, Jungkook thought. He never talked about his personal life to Jaehyun, or anyone, for the matter. No wonder Jaehyun didn't catch on.

Now Jungkook realized that the sudden outburst of these stupid and hurtful memories that came in a blur and in small packets wrapped with melancholia led up to the phone call from the orphanage, 'Jungkook, do you remember Mrs Noh? She used to adore you so much. I have bad news for you, dear, stay strong.'

Jaehyun carefully put a hand on Jungkook's hunched shoulder and lightly patted him there. "Why don't you talk to the coach and take this day off? Rest somewhere."

"I'm fine."

Was he?

---
A/n: We reached the final arc, my fam.

Hold your gear and prepare your tears. This arc might make you really uncomfortable, I'm warning you ahead.