Young and Free | BTS [√]

san ju ichi

This chapter may contain triggering scenes to fellow readers. There will be hint of sexual exploitation and abuse, nothing will be explicit or detailed.

Jungkook awoke with a bitter taste in his mouth. Last thing he remembered was the coffee, was this the taste of coffee?

It took him a few moment to peel his eyes open, his brain was still in the middle of processing it all. It felt like seconds since he had fallen on a repose, although when he noticed the decor of the room wasn't exactly the same as the one he was seated on earlier, he started to doubt himself.

His head was weighing him down, a vein pounding on his forehead and he could barely move. The ceiling was white, the gray curtains were stilled, where was this place?

Where was he?

Suddenly he felt the trepidation growing within him, fear arose, so did he. As if all the blood in his body had suddenly rushed to his face, as if his head would combust and a fountain of blood would spring out his nostrils, he sat up on the king sized bed to realize he was completely naked save for the blanket that was draped over his lower body parts.

He wasn't alone, a woman in a nightgown laid by his side, eyes shut in a peaceful repose and lengthy hair cascading down her fair back. Jungkook couldn't think properly and it took a few seconds for him to recognize that the woman was Diana.

What was happening here? With shaky and nervous hands he lifted up the blanket and tears suddenly piled up in his eyes, a guttural scream followed next.

Suddenly Jungkook had no control over his actions, he could feel each and every cell of his body shaking violently, his bones rattling to the core. With the next scream he could feel his gut overflowing, which came in the form of vomits, except that there was nothing to really throw out because his stomach was completely empty. He bent his upper body from the bed, a white looking liquid came out of his mouth to be splashed across the glossy tiles.

He didn't reckon when the woman had woken up and when she was shouting at him, asking what was wrong, perhaps she was as afraid as him, or less because right that second none could feel one morsel of what Jungkook was feeling. He couldn't put a label on the whirlwind of his emotions, he wouldn't be able to. The room looked whiter, paler than it was before. He only came to when he noticed Diana was shaking him violently.

"What's wrong? Jungkook?" Her eyes were about to bulge out of the sockets. By then Jungkook was taking short breaths with his gaping mouth, trying to calm himself down and go through everything that had happened since the time he was awake.

He went to a convenience store, Diana pulled up with her car and took him to somewhere, where exactly was it? Somewhere in Gangnam, an apartment complex, and she gave him coffee, and-

Jungkook looked up at her frightened face in disbelief, his breathing still haphazard. For a short second, everything felt as silent as a stilled picture. Jungkook didn't know if it was day or night outside, but he could hear the howling gales of a blizzard.

She drugged him, Diana drugged him and, she possibly got physically intimate with him.

They had... they had sex.

He couldn't believe it. Visions shrouded his brain, he wasn't completely out of it when drugged, he did have a small sense of what was happening but he didn't have any control over the environment or himself.

"Get off me!" He shrieked, so loudly and furiously that Diana jumped a few steps back and watched him as if he was a monstrous creature, albeit, who was really the monster here?

She had an aghast expression on. Jungkook could barely stare back at her, his chest was heaving up and down rapidly, the horror of it still processing in his brain, he didn't want to think about it but he couldn't stop. The images of Diana on top of him-

Or was it Mrs. Noh?

Why did he suddenly think of Mrs. Noh? Snippets filled in his empty brain again, the empty shell of a brain that didn't have any recollection of his childhood happenings, now reproduced them as if a Pandora's box had opened up somewhere deep within.

He liked bread, and Mrs. Noh often took him to her personal room in the orphanage to give him his favourite kind of breads, and tell him tales, stories he didn't particularly like, about boys and girls and what they did when they fell in love.

And when he would be sitting on her lap in her mucky, shady room that was devoid of sunlight in the basement of the orphanage, her hands would go down to the area where he didn't like anyone touching, it made him feel uncomfortable and shy but she would tell him he was the best boy in the world and she had none but him.

It was static, the world had perhaps dissolved into particles of dust after an apocalypse, Jungkook wouldn't know, he was lost in the myriad of his newfound memories and suddenly everything came down to a blur.

He started to sob, really hard.

He couldn't control the tears that sprung out of his eyes, a wailing followed. Who knew if the other woman was shaken up to witness his lamentations. Perhaps she was because he felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly, patting him while uttering soft words. Nothing mattered anymore. He was utterly disgusted, revolted, scared, and everything in between.

Everything made sense. He always wondered why he was so different, why the female species traumatised him, why there was a block in the lanes of his memories.

"Please don't touch me," he could barely say in between his sobs and stifles. He couldn't even clearly see her face in the blur.

"I thought you would like it, we often did roleplays and talked about scenarios, didn't we?" She started to speak softly, though she removed her touch from him.

Jungkook could make out only bits of her discussion. And when he couldn't sober up and started shaking again and threw up twice, she brought an injection and put him to sleep.

Apparently she was married to a doctor and they separated a year ago. Since then she had had a few lovers but none enticed her as much as Jungkook, though this was their first time meeting officially, Diana had been to his dorm before but never managed to meet up with him. She did try making several invitations before, those ultimately got ignored.

Even though there was a little age gap, Jungkook meant a lot to her, he was the best thing that had happened to her and she had none other.

There was a lot she tried to convey before he completely fell into the darkness, though Jungkook could make certain bits out.

It didn't soothe Jungkook, but terrified him.

He wished he would wake up in his dorm room with his memories lost again.