Young and Free | BTS [√]

san ju ni

Like a blackhole that sucked in everything in whole, Jungkook's inner self had swallowed him wholly. He was residing in his thoughts, drowning in them and at the same time, he was completely detached from them.

It was a spiral down here and Jungkook felt himself falling in it for a while, and at the end as he reached the bottom of the whirlpool deep down below, which turned out to be an oblivion— never ending, he was stuck there.

The first day the truth crashed down onto him, it him hard and tough, but it wasn't an avalanche that had fallen, but a blizzard. The storm kept brewing within him.

He couldn't remember what his reactions were after the glimpses of the memories showed up, he knew he threw up, sobbed and cried, and screamed, perhaps. Now it was going exactly the same way, he couldn't tell properly if it was yesterday when he had found himself confined in a spacious bedroom with a king sized bed, a kind of bed he had never laid on before, an AC that worked properly, a yellow lamp on the bedside table, and the grey coated walls. A woman with long black hair, Diana, he couldn't even look at her properly.

Every time she'd enter he would feel the shivers in his hands, his stomach reeling inwards, and his gut wanting to be overflowed and his head dizzy. Panic would rise and it would be so evident that Diana would back away.

She would give him food, which he didn't touch the first times, he didn't know how many meals that was but then he grew too weak and he ate a little anyway.

She also gave him medicine that he didn't take at first, but there was a very very panicked state, when he felt like crying and screaming until his throat would give in, but he couldn't shed a single tear and he felt so devastated that he wanted to drown himself in something. The thought terrified him. He then took the white rounded pill and after a while it made him dizzy. He slept like a log, didn't awoke for many hours. At least the memories didn't snap out of him in the blackout.

Diana tried to talk to him, touch him, in a friendly way, but didn't he go through this before as well? Friendly touches, soothing words and actions of affection, it terrorized him. He would start to breath rapidly again and Diana would leave.

She did tell him that the first time he cried for hours, he was uncontrollable and raging, in that state he got up and started looking for something. Diana didn't know what but Jungkook managed to run towards the kitchen, he found a knife and Diana was afraid for her life, but he tried to cut himself with that.

Something would've definitely happened if Diana didn't struggle to stop him. The boy didn't know if this was true, but it could be, because when his memory would start to dig up by themselves, or he'd realize he really lived all his life with that scar, or by nothing, simply sometimes none of that would come up, he would feel angsty for no reason and it would feel like his head would combust, and he would die to strangle himself, drown, or do something.

He would take the pills then.

It killed him even more inside. Because no matter what, he still ate, he still went to the toilet by the bedroom when he needed to, he took the pills when the apprehensions grew too big. Though he would live through all that in a daze.