Better Every Day - A Jonathan Davis Fanfiction

Chapter 9 - Issues

Jon and I had spent the morning together, just talking and laughing. We went and got some coffee and I had an apple for breakfast.

"Is that all you're going to have?" Jon asked

"Yeah, not much of a breakfast person," I smiled, although I was quite hungry.

"Mia, I wanted to talk to you about something," Jon said seriously, causing my heart to skip a beat.

"Okay..."

"Last night.. don't get me wrong, it was incredible, easily the best night of my entire life. But, something really worried me."

His words made my face go numb and my palms tingle, as I worried I had done something wrong.

"You're so attractive- breathtaking in fact. The most beautiful person I've even seen in my life. But, your weight and um, your behaviours around your weight worry me. Your ribs were sticking out and- I mean I think you know. I wouldn't bring it up but I've noticed you always have an excuse not to eat, and when there's food in front of you, you push it around and get a little quiet. I just wanted to ask- are you okay?" Jon seemed genuinely concerned.

This was the last thing I expected, and it made me kind of angry that he brought it up. But, soon I realised the anger came from a place of shame, guilt and sadness. It wasn't Jon's fault, he was just concerned. My eyes started watering up "I, um... I- I don't know how to-" I tried to use my hands to explain, but it was pointless. I felt useless.

"It's okay. I get it. I've been there. In fact, I've spent most of my life there. Unable to explain how you feel, unable to even understand what it is that you feel. It's scary and frustrating, I get it. I just want you to know I'm here to listen, and I promise you, nothing you say could ever change the way I feel or think about you," Jon said softly

I took a deep breath and eventually began, "from a young age, I felt the need to be perfect in order for my parents to love me, and to- you know, want me. My dad would always point out other people's weight, telling me that if I wanted to be beautiful, I should be skinny. I mean, I never had a great relationship with my parents; my brother was the golden child. I just wanted them, my dad especially, to think I was special and I thought that I had to be skinny and perfect for that to happen. But of course, it wasn't enough. I guess that behaviour sort of just stuck with me. Now, whenever there's somebody that I like, and that I want to like me, I feel like the only way they will is if I don't eat. I know its bullshit, but I just can't stop"

"That's so wrong," he said, shaking his head sadly. "I'm sorry you had to live that way for so long, but you need to know that I don't give a shit about your weight. You are perfect to me. Absolutely nothing in the world could change that perception, I just want you to be happy and comfortable. I already love you, and there's absolutely nothing you need to prove to me. Starving yourself does not make you more beautiful, it just makes me sad that you think you have to do that. What makes people more beautiful is when they're just being themselves, and they are happy. That's all I want for you"

I had no idea what to say. He was the most amazing person, and although he seemed to slightly rush through his words with nerves, he had so much to say. He was fantastic at giving me comfort. Tears flowed out of my eyes, but I barely noticed. "Thank you, Jonathan". I hugged him so tightly that I was scared I would lose oxygen to my brain, but letting go of him was a much worse fate than that.

"I'm going to help you through this. One day at a time, that's all it takes," he said

"I love you so much," I replied, wiping tears from my eyes.

"I love you more"

"Not possible" I said

"Oh, but it is" He looked deep into my eyes, and I felt everything inside me go soft. Slowly, he lent in and kissed me softly with his perfect lips, sending warmth through my body.

Following that incredible kiss, Jonathan wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. I looked up at him, "Hey, Jonathan?" I asked

"Yeah?"

"I have a family dinner in a couple of weeks, will you come with me?"

He looked shocked, but he smiled. "Of course I will," he nodded, and then pulled me back into his chest.

                                                 ***

For the next two weeks, Jonathan was helping me work though my fear of eating. He had been eating every meal with me, just to make sure that I was eating. Because of this, we would be with each other pretty much all day every day. The only times we would be apart was when Jon was in the studio with the band or when I had to be at uni. I used to go to uni and feel completely separated from everybody there, separated from myself. I would just go into a daze, unaware of the events around me or the people passing by. It was like that most of the time, actually. Since meeting Jon, it was like I had a new lease on life; I was excited by my degree again, I looked forward to things in life and I just felt alive. Truly alive, in a way that I had never felt in my entire life. Jon had shown me a world where I wasn't judged, I could be myself, I could talk and be listened to, and where I was completely free. Jon himself made me feel that way, but just seeing the way he lived his life made me realise that I had been living a restricted and unrewarding life. He encouraged me let loose and become a better version of myself.

However, in spending so much time with Jon I had noticed that he was struggling with things himself. A while back, he asked me not to listen to KoRn's full first album yet, and this was because there were some things discussed on there that he didn't want me to find out from a song. He wanted to tell me about it himself, but he hadn't yet. I didn't want to push him, but I wanted to be able to support him in the way that he was supporting me. It was constantly on my mind, worrying me. There were times where he would wake up in the night, panicking and crying. I would try to help him but he would tell me it was just a bad dream; that it was nothing. I knew it wasn't nothing, but he didn't want to talk to me about it.

The first time I met Munky, he told me that Jon worked as a coroners assistant when he was younger, and that it had messed him up, giving him PTSD. I wondered if that was what the bad dreams were about. I decided that soon, I would ask Jon to confide in me.

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This chapter is a little uneventful, but it is important for context. I hope you enjoyed it anyway!

As always, let me know what you think:)