Better Every Day - A Jonathan Davis Fanfiction

Chapter 13- Let me in

The next time I opened my eyes, I was in an unfamiliar setting. I saw a white ceiling and white walls with machinery next to my bed. I was in the hospital. I looked around the room, thinking I was alone, but I found Jon to the left of my bed. He was asleep with his head resting in his hand. He looked so calm compared to the last time I saw him, so happy. Last time I saw him, he was drunk off his head and freaking out about something I still didn't even know about. The rest of the guys definitely knew what happened to him, so why didn't Jon want to tell me too? As I was thinking about all this, Jon woke from his nap. His eyes opened and met with mine. 

"Oh my God, you're awake," he jumped out of his chair. "How do you feel?"

"I feel okay," I said, touching my head, "just a little sore"

"Yeah, it might be like that for a while," he said with a sad look in his eyes. "I'm so sorry this happened, Mia"

"It's not your fault, Jon. You didn't do anything wrong"

"If I hadn't been so drunk, I wouldn't have been vomiting and I wouldn't have needed help and then you wouldn't have hit your head"

"That doesn't matter."

"Of course that matters. You're hurt because of me."

"I'm hurt because a bench happened to park its ass in the side of my head! You didn't do it, the bench did," I said, trying not to wince from the pain in my head. I didn't want Jon to think it was that bad because he would just blame himself.

Jon touched my cheek, "I just don't ever want to lose you"

"You won't," I promised. As I finished talking, I heard somebody at the door. I looked up and found all the guys standing there, Head with chocolates in his hand. 

"Here you go, Mia" He handed them to me.

"Aww thanks, guys" I smiled, taking the chocolates.

"No worries, but next time can you plan this for a day when we're not all hungover? It would be appreciated"

"Yeah no problem, I'll work around your drinking schedule next time," I giggled. 

"You wanna get out of here?" Jon asked.

"Absolutely"

.......................

Jon took me back to his place and we said goodbye to the guys, but all I had been thinking about was how I was going to ask Jon what he was freaking out about last night. I didn't want him to get angry or defensive, and what if he didn't even remember? It seemed like he didn't, which was going to make it harder. 

He led me into the house and laid me down on the couch. He then sat next to me and stroked my hair, just looking at my face.

"I was kinda worried I wasn't going to see your eyes again when I was holding you after fell this morning. You were unconscious and there was blood, and I just- I thought you might die." He looked down. 

"Its gonna take a lot more than that to kill me," I said with a smile, "all it took was a few stitches and I'm back to normal."

"Thank God," he said. He lent in and kissed my lips softly, and held it for a long time. "It had been too long since I'd done that. I love you so much"

"I love you too," I smiled. Was this a good time to bring it up? I wasn't sure, and before I could make my mind up, Jon left the room to go and shower. The pain killers were kicking in, so I got off the couch and went to the bathroom, where Jon was about to shower. 

"How about we have a bath instead?" I asked when I saw him beginning to get undressed. He grinned at me. 

"Okay," he grabbed my waist and pulled me into him, kissing me. 

"I'll get the drinks," I said

"Wait, are you sure you should be drinking right now?" 

"Who cares?"

"I do"

"It's fine, Jon. I was in the hospital for a few hours, that's all. I'm fine," I assured him, and then I went to get the drinks as he filled up the bathtub. When I got back, I walked in on a naked Jonathan. He was so perfect. After putting the drinks next to the bath, I started to undress myself in front of him. He started at me with his mouth wide open, not moving a muscle. 

"Damn, I'm the luckiest man in the world" He moved towards me and touched my hair, "you wanna go first?" He asked. I nodded and got in the bath as he watched from behind. Before I could even sit down he was on top of me, his face so close to mine that I couldn't even see his features. 

"Have I mentioned how sexy you are?" He asked

"A couple times," I smirked. I sat down and he sat opposite me, both of us with a drink in hand. 

I decided it was time to bring it up, but I still wasn't sure how. 

"Something on your mind?" He asked me

"...yeah"

"What is it?"

"Last night. What do you remember?" I asked

"Umm. Not much. I remember seeing you come in the door and feeling really happy, and then playing some beer pong. I think I remember stacking it on a drum set, but I don't remember what happened after that"

"Do you remember... having a panic attack?" I asked

"What? No?" 

"You didn't tell me what was going on but you woke up after passing out and you thought someone was hurting you. You said you thought you were going to die"

Jonathan looked down, unsure of what to say. 

"Please talk to me," I asked him. He said nothing. There was a long, long pause before he spoke, and when he finally looked up at me, I saw he was trying to stop himself from crying. The sight of him like this made me choke back my own tears. 

"The reason I didn't want you to listen to the last song on our album... it," he paused, "it discusses my rape"

My heart stopped. Jonathan was raped?

"I was just a kid, I didn't have anyone to turn to- my parents didn't believe me. I still have nightmares about it. That's why I wake up screaming sometimes. I'm still just a terrified little kid."

"Jonathan..." I started

"After that, I started working as a coroners assistant. That kind of ruined me as well, seeing all the dead bodies, having to pull dead people out of car wrecks. I even saw some babies," He looked at his hands. He then went into more detail about all the things he had gone through in his childhood, including all the bullying and family abuse. I had no idea what to say. I was in tears. I had no idea how he could get through each day. He was the strongest person I had ever met. 

We spent the rest of the night just holding each other, feeling closer than ever now that we had shared everything. 

"I hope you don't think of me any differently," he asked softly, holding me from behind. 

"Of course not. You're the same Jonathan you were yesterday, the same Jonathan I'm in love with. If anything, I see your strength more now than I did before." 

"Tragedy equals strength?" he asked

"You get through each day with a smile. You make other people happy and you don't let your past define you. That is strength"

"You're so beautiful," he whispered into my ear. 

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Thanks for reading! As always, let me know what you think!

xx