Better Every Day - A Jonathan Davis Fanfiction

Chapter 21 - The Good and The Evil

A/N

Sorry for the delay between chapters! I've been slammed with work and assignments so I haven't had much free time. I'll try to get a few more chapters out soon!

                   ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 weeks later

I still hadn't come clean with Jon. I had fallen so deeply into the cycle of self-harm and even though I knew it was bad, it felt so good. It was an addiction. An addiction I was ashamed of, which made it that much harder to tell Jon. Or anyone, for that matter. 

It was like there were two forces in my head playing tug-of-war; the good and the evil. The thing was- the evil was winning.

"Hey Mia, what are you doing in there?" I heard Jon yell from outside the bathroom door.

"Girl business!" I yelled back, which was a lie. I wiped the vomit from the toilet seat and turned off the music which was masking the noise. After spraying some deodorant to cover the smell, I opened the door and smiled.

"You okay?" Jon asked

"Why wouldn't I be?" I tried to sound convincing.

"Something is going on with you," he sighed.

"Jon, for the millionth time, nothing is going on with me," I kept smiling.

"Okay fine," he put his hands up in surrender, "I believe you," he touched my cheek.

"What about you?" I asked.

"I've just been trying to stay away from the guys when they party. Trying to stop doing drugs, you know," he said. "I'm glad you never got into that shit. Drugs are stupid"

"Yeah," I said, a wave of guilt attacking my chest. I needed to tell him. "Jon, I have to come clean with you," I started.

"What are you talking about?"

"I..." I couldn't find the words. I was frozen. 

"Mia? What's wrong?" He sounded worried. 

"I... I started self-harming again," I blurted out looking at the ground, unable to look him in the eye. 

"What?" He took a step closer. "You've been making yourself sick?"

"...yes," my face started tingling as tears spilt out of my eyes.

"Since when?" He said, forcing me to look at him with his hand on my cheek and using his thumb to wipe away my tears. 

"Around the time you and I started fighting," I said sheepishly.

"Mia... how could you not tell me that?" He sounded kind of upset.

"I couldn't, Jon. You and I weren't talking. I... I couldn't talk to you" 

"Of course you could!" His voice raised. 

"If we could talk to each other then why didn't you talk to me!?" I yelled, suddenly defensive. 

"Because I didn't want to!"

I pulled away, "well maybe I didn't want to either, and maybe I shouldn't have". I walked away without saying anything more.