Sleep well tonight

7. No lies, no ties...

Chapter 7

Jason Walker - Everybody Lies

***

It was simply strange. Unbelievable.

I lay there, in my bed, the same as I did every morning for more than a month and a half now. The only difference though was that I lay there like that all night long. I lay there with my eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling, not tired even a bit.

I just couldn't go to sleep, no matter how hard I tried.

And how could I sleep when I had so much to over think, so many things to decide upon.

It seemed like with one phone call, one phone call that didn't even last more than a few minutes, I had the major part of my future wiped out of my life and instead I was left with not a pure white sheet to create something new, but a full page of scrabbles, full page of crossed words, sentences, plans that involved both of us. He didn't leave me heartbroken, oh no, he also made me have a freaking strong headache, bloodshot, swelling eyes and my muscles all shivering form insomnia.

It hurt. It hurt a lot.

Although, the strangest thing is that I still can't believe it's true. No matter how hard I try to imagine him with someone else, wrapped between some other girl's legs, I can never truly make that image form in my head. My mind simply isn't capable to create such nonsense. Or probably I have no such strong imagination.

But you can't blame me for not trying. Every time through this whole night as I was trying to make myself sleep, whenever I closed my eyes, this image of him and me, yes, me, and not some faceless girl, some ghost, would pop in my closed eyes and the bile in my throat would become unbearable, too hard to ignore. Like this one image would be engraved on the inside of my eyelids. And this aching, this pressure in the middle of my chest just wouldn't go away...

How could he do this to me? How could he do something like this at all? As far as I knew, he was the most carrying, the kindest, most dedicated guy I've ever met. He would put anyone else, and especially the ones he loved, before himself with no thoughts given...

So how could he do this?

It just can't be true...

Though the aching, the tears that spilled with no stop proved me being wrong, proved all my hopes for it being some kind of mistake, none existing.

So why? Why he held me close when he got back? Why he...?

I couldn't help a loud sob that broke out of my mouth and I immediately clapped my hand on my mouth to silence myself.

Was he sleeping with some other girl before he came to visit me here, in Chicago? How could he touch me, be with me and tell me repeatedly that he loved me, if so?

But more important... Did he sleep with her after he got out of my embrace, out of our still warm bed...?

Oh God...

How could I ever love someone like him? How could I plan half of my life ahead, us still being together, me being by his side..?

Why... Why he had to destroy it all?

...

I must have noticed the dawn creeping into my room from a crack between the curtains, but no part of my body seemed to react to that in any way. I simply lay there, deep in my thoughts, though my eyes now followed a slowly traveling ray of sunlight. It was nearing the end of my bed now and almost out of my sight, when my ears caught a sound of light knocking.