BTS 8TH MEMBER Promise (BOOK2) ***COMPLETE***

Pt103

Jimin's POV:

It's our first day here in the Philippines upon arriving we all went to our room to freshen up at dinner time we all agreed to meet at the hotel's restaurant. I heard Jin and Namjoon called Sammie for dinner but they said that she will just rest and she was tired.

I know perfectly that she is avoiding me because of the incident at the airport I yet again said hurtful things to her. I am fully aware that I am being a jerk to her. And I wanted to stop I really wanted to but every time I try I am always reminded of the pain that I need to go through because she didn't trust me enough to let me know the truth. That she thought that I wouldn't believe her.

She has been my source of strength when I was going through a lot. Since the time that we talked at the rooftop and I told her about my situation with Tzuyu she has been my driving force to be able to take it all. I have been more open to her about what I am thinking the only thing that I couldn't really tell her was how much I love her because I don't want her to have a hard time. I am very proud of her when she admitted her feelings for me. I wanted to say "Me too I love you too!!" like I badly wanted to say that to her but I hold it in because I wanted to be easier for her to move on.

All through out those days is an ordeal for me. I tried to pretend that I am okay but deep inside I was dying. The only driving force that I have that time to not give up is Sammie and my unborn child. It was really hard because I need to pretend to be okay in front of Tzuyu in front of my parents and members just for them not to worry.

When the wedding day comes nearer I felt more anxious. I was debating if am I doing the right choices. Should I really sacrifice my happiness. This is a lifelong commitment, would I really be able to raise a child with a loving environment. Would I really be able to forget about Sammie. A lot of thoughts have been running through my mind I almost wanted to breakdown.

But I was excited to the thought of having my own child. I love kids and having one on my own is a dream come true although I wanted to have at least a little bit later and with someone whom I love. But life isn't perfect and although it happened by mistake I need to take full accountability for it. Sammie was my only motivation she gave me a reason to move on to accept things.

Days passed by and the wedding is soon to happen and the battle inside me is getting worse everyday I felt like I was going crazy.  

The day when I finally found the truth I don't know what to feel. I have this feeling of rage and redemption at the same time. I saw the video I saw Sammie so she knew all along and didn't even try to tell me. She allowed me to be tortured for a long time I wasn't expecting from her of all people that's why I am so mad. After the venue I went straight to the bar and got wasted. I didn't even know how I got home that night. But I was dreaming a beautiful dream that Sammie was in my arms.

The next morning I woke up seeing her sleeping on the floor holding my hands. I can't help looking at her beautiful face but at the same time the anger inside me became worst. This is the person who said she loves me but didn't trust me enough of the truth. She allowed me to be fooled for far much longer than necessary to the point that I was humiliated in front of a lot of people. I felt like a fool in the eyes of the people who were there.

I stood up and pick her up to sleep on the sofa where I was at. I receive a message from Bang PD-nim so I took a shower and went to the agency. I got scolded because apparently the owner of the bar that I wont too called the agency to pick me up because I was too drunk and they were afraid that I would make a scene. So I learned how I was able to go home that night.

And ever since then everytime I see Sammie the pain and humiliation that I went through keeps on coming back. I became short tempered, I became harsh towards her. I allowed myself to be eaten up by my pain. I felt betrayed by her. And the worst part of it all is that I still love her.

Everytime that I say hurtful things to her I can see the pain in her eyes but she chose not to say anything. She never attempted to talk to me she just stay quiet and accept my treatment. I don't know how to stop. I got to forgive my members even Tzuyu but why can't I erase the pain that Sammie cause.

The other members keeps on telling me that I am already overboard that Sammie don't deserve the treatment that I am giving her but I am not listening. I wanted her to talk to me make me understand why? Why didn't she trust me with the truth? Why did she allow my torment to prolong? Why after telling me that she loves me decides to betray and watch me look like a fool?

I know I am being unreasonable. It might be ridiculous for others. But they don't understand what I have gone thru the mental and emotional torture that I experience those times was not easy. And to learn that the person who you were holding onto that helps me to go through it all and accept my faith is also the same person who will rob you of the truth and betray you.

But I still care for her a lot. So when I heard the members that she will not be having dinner I know for a fact that it's because of me. So after dinner I ask Hosoek to call Sammie and ask if she even eat anything for dinner but she said she isn't hungry.

So the boys already went to their rooms. I told them I would follow. I check my phone and see if there are any Korean restaurants near the hotel and it's a good thing that there is.

I went to my room and grab a cap and face mask. One of the security accompanied me to the restaurant. We just walk because it's just around the block. I ordered kimchi-jjigae which she loves .

We walk back to the hotel as well. I hope she is still awake. I reach our floor and stand in front of her door. I dunno whether to knock or not so I decided to send her a text message. I waited for three minutes but there is no reply.

I tried calling her. She isn't answering though. After three call attempts I stop her phone might be on silent mode so it's useless to call her.

I am again contemplating to knock or what  . I dunno why is it hard for me to just fucking knock on her door.

"O-oppa?" I automatically look at where her voice is coming from and shock to see that she is looking at me from the hallway. I look stupid for sure when she saw in front of her door not knowing whether to knock or what. "Do you need anything?" She asked innocently

"Where have you been I have been calling you?"  I told her in a harsh tone but I can't get to look at her because I felt embarrass.

"Mianhe I left my phone in my room I was with Taehyung Oppa!" she told me " Do you need something?" she ask again.

So she was with Taehyung , maybe talking about me for sure maybe having more secrets behind my back. I just look at her and gave her the food that I bought.

I was trying my best not to say anything bad so I just walk away and walk towards my room.

Whenever she is in the same room with me I get a lot of mix emotions. I honestly don't want us to be this way. But the pain that I am feeling just won't go away. I don't know why. I am tired of being angry too but I don't how to stop.

I want this to be over. I want to be happy.

***chimmie***