Lure of the Monster

Time of Your Life

"You just put that in the wrong spot," Skylar said with a sigh. She reached over and erased the numbers that I'd misplaced and wrote them in herself.

I groaned and leaned back on the stool. We were in the library after school. I was surprised at how many people were actually there. There was a club set up in the back of the room, planning some kind of dance. A study group was on the couches in the corner near the leisure reading books. Skylar and I were set up at the tall tables near the computers. I used to study with my teammates at those exact tables. Chris and I never stepped foot in there.

"Hey!" Skylar said, snapping her fingers in front of my face, an annoyed expression on her face. "Are you with me or are you not?"

Maybe I shouldn't have self-medicated before I met with her. I put the stool back on the floor and leaned forward, resting my elbows on the table and clasping my hands together as I stared at the mess of numbers and letters in front of me.

"Say that again," I said, rubbing a hand over my face before I turned my attention back to the page in front of me.

She sighed, going through each of the steps again. None of it made any sense. I used to be good at math. I'd been one of those students that had never had to study for an exam and still ace it. Now, Skylar had been trying to explain the concept to me for over an hour and I still wasn't getting it.

"Can we just quit for the day?" I asked, sitting back on the stool again. "I don't think any amount of time is going to make me understand this shit."

She let out a huff of air and slammed her computer shut. "Fine. If you want to give up and fail, then it's on you."

"Isn't it always?" I asked, arching an eyebrow. "Everything I do is my decision, not anyone else's."

She stared at me, a lock of hair falling from her perfect bun. "I have a dozen other things that I could be doing right now, Beckham, but I'm here to try to help you. I told you that I would listen if you ever needed to talk, but I don't want to have my time wasted."

She started to gather her things up, but I remained still, my eyes on the countless problems that I had scribbled out. I thought about my dad, sitting in a prison cell. He wasn't wasting away like I had thought he would be. He was living a good life. Three meals a day, books to read, people to talk to, a chance to go outdoors. He was still living and I didn't realize until that moment just how angry that made me.

My mother was in a wooden box wasting away and he was living. Laughing. Breathing. I hadn't gone to visit him, I realized, because I would have wanted to kill him. He did an awful thing to her and he was still given the luxury of life. Why him? Why not her?

"Beckham?" Skylar asked, waving her hand in front of my face.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. My body craved the pills in my bag and I knew that I needed to ask Chris for something stronger. For the time being, though, I looked up at Skylar.

"What?"

"I asked if you were ready to go. My dad's waiting for me," she said. I could tell that she was trying to figure out if I had just spaced because I was on something or because I was tired. It was both, in case she wanted an answer.

"Then go."

"We have to wait with you until your ride comes," she said as she slung her backpack over her shoulders.

I sighed and jammed my notebook into my backpack and stood, following her out of the library. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out to read the text from Chris, carefully angling the phone away from Skylar. He'd gotten a new item from his guy and wanted to try it out that night. I just hoped it was better than those pills he'd given me. The damn things hadn't kept my thoughts away from my father.