Strong

Spirit Of Depression

I grew up in the church. One God, One Faith, One baptism. Most people think Christians are supposed to be perfect for the most part and that we don't face struggles, but I fail everyday and there was a time in my life where I was deeply depressed. The Feeling of being unwanted, not important and more of an outcast. I had a good childhood, but as I grew older and moved to a new state, a new school,  with new people and new surroundings, things started to change. At first I was thrilled. However, I didn't feel like I belonged. As a Christian we are supposed to be separated from the world. Be joyful and spread the word of God because this world isn't our home. I was happy, but in the inside there was a voice telling me that I wasn't good enough and that I had too much baggage. At the time, I didn't know that this was changing me. I was becoming bitter, hateful, upset, angry, depressed, and never pleased. A constant voice or thought putting me down. I was drowning in my own self pity. Alone and scared and nobody to talk to. In public I would pretend to be happy and people would not even know the deep sadness that was inside me. Crying myself to sleep and constantly hurting myself mentally and physically more and more. It only got worse. Never telling a soul of how I felt. Only God knew the pain I was faced with and He finally brought it to my attention that I needed help. A young couple came up to me one service and prayed for me, they told me that I was facing a spirit of depression and I remember the moment those words came out of their mouths that I fell in my shame and cried to the Lord. Repenting for my foolishness of believing the lies that was said to me. I praised God for healing me. Lifting a weight off myself and caring for me and never forsaking me. My eyes were opened in a whole new perspective. Understanding that even though I was raised in church my whole life, things like this can still happen. We are still human and we are going to face trials and test in our lives. I still face battles and depression today, but I just get stronger through the pain and draw myself closer to the Lord. I'm still reminded everyday from my scars of where I came from, but that's where I came from and not where I'm heading. I moved on and realized that I'm strong and I'm gonna make mistakes, but we get back up and take one step at a time. It's because of God that I am here today and breathing. In addition, I now see that I am here for a reason and that I have a purpose in this life.