Butterfly Effect [ATARAXIA #3]

Decision

GANT SHAUNRIE'S

"Are you ready Mr. Gant" The hypnotherapist Mr. Luke asked me. I nodded. I'm laying in bed right now. My emotions are in chaos. I'm scared but I don't want to live in fear anymore. I want to move forward. I want to breathe freely again. I want to feel peace once again and worth it to breathe.

"This will be painful or emotional for you. So be ready. Close your eyes." Ginawa ko ang sinabi nya. He played a piece of soft music that makes me sleepy. At the same time, I heard I tic-toc of the clock and I don't know where it came from. I'm slowly falling. Until I heard a snap.

"Open your eyes, Gant. And walk straight." As I open my eyes. A forest welcomed me. A cold air blew to my direction. Gaya ng sabi ng hypnotherapist naglakad ako ng diretso. Napangiti ako dahil sa mga huli ng ibon.

"While you are walking you will see something in the ground. Three things on the ground. Three things. Pick those things." I heard Mr. Luke say. I looked at the ground and like he said there are three things. I picked it up while my tears are streaming. The pain is slowly consuming my system.

"Continue walking, Gant. In the end, you will see a door. And its door will lead you to the most painful scenarios of your life. It's your choice gant. If you're not ready for it just turn around but if you're ready to open it and overcome everything." A brown door suddenly appears. My hand was trembling as I touched the door knob. I closed my eyes as I open the door. Sa pagbukas ko iminulat ko ang mga mata ko. I saw myself inside the cabinet where my mom locked me. I looked at the hole in the cabinet. I saw her again looking at me directly.

"Let's die together, son. I love you." She said. And get a gun behind her. She points it to her temple. She smiled at me. I looked beside me. I saw it mad. I looked in every corner to if can see Bon but I didn't see it. Mad is smiling at me. He nodded to me. And mouthed "I love you" to me. I smile too. I turned back my gaze to my mom. I beamed at her.

"No Mom, I can't die just because you love me so much. And you want me to be with you. I want to live. I want to be with him. I want to be with mad." When I said that the scenario changed. I'm in my ward with my father and his new family.

"Gant, we love you so much. We will back to you. Wait for us." Dad said. Again, I saw Mad in the corner looking at me with assurance and his eyes were filled with love and proudness. I looked again at my father. 

"Don't make promises to me Dad. All I need to know is you love me. I hated you for making me live like dead. Gumawa kapa ng libingan ko para mapagtakpan ang katotohanan tungkol sa akin. But now I will forgive you. I will forget everything. Always remember I love you too." Dad hugged me. I closed my eyes. And the next thing that happened I saw myself outside the cabinet. I came back to my mom's mansion. I looked around my mom's body was gone. The place is clean.

"Gant." Mr. Luke called me. "Remember the three things you picked up in the ground." 

"Pumili ka ng isa naiiwan mo sa lugar na yan." Tinignan ko ang hawak kong mga bagay. I open the cabinet where my mom put me in before. Nilagay ko ang bagay na iiwan ko. Saka sinara ang cabinet.

"I will count 1 to 3 and open your eyes, Gant."

"1"

"2"

"3." When I heard the last number I open my eyes. Habol ko ang hininga ko. I look around nakabalik na ako sa clinic ni Mr. Luke. He gives me water. My face is full of tears. Pero ang gaan sobra. Sobrang gaan hindi tulad dati na it's like something blocking my breath.

"You made it, Gant." Napangiti ako habang naiyak. "Now, I want you to tell me ano ang mga bagay na napulot mo sa gubat?"

"I saw a picture frame, A clock, and a bottle where inside of it there's a butterfly." Mr. Luke nodded.

"I asked you na iwan ang isa sa mga gamit na napulot mo. Anong iniwan mo?"

"A picture frame. Kung saan litrato ng ng pamilya ko ang nandoon."

"Why?" Tears run down my again from me. It's a tear of joy. I know I chose the very best. The best for me.

"I want to move on from that tragic phase of my life. Gusto ko ng iwan 'yong bagay na nagpahirap sa 'kin ng matagal na panahon. My family makes me suffer. I want to leave the horrible memories to the place where everything started." Mr. Luke nodded.

"So why did you choose to keep the clock and the butterfly?"

"My time stops when I let the pain ruin my mind, emotions, and life. Tumigil ang oras no'ng nakulong ako sa bangungot ng buhay ko. I keep the clock because I want to my time to start running again. I want to live again."

"So the last one is the butterfly. Why?"

"Because my butterfly is waiting for me," I said. Mr. Luke smile at me.

"You are ready now, Gant. You're ready to face your new life. You're ready to live again." Another tear escaped from me but it was not tears of pain. It's tears of bliss at last. After those painful scenarios in my life that stuck with me. finally, I found the reason to continue. I found a worth it a reason to fight my nightmares. To choose to breathe and choose to heal myself after those non-stop doubts and what if. After letting myself cage in the palace of darkness in life I'm free. And I'm ready to face him again...

Wait for me Mad. I'm coming back for you.