Thomas and Niko in the City of Trees

Chapter 4 - Part 2

I wake up the next morning with a vague memory getting Thomas home, then continuing on. Anyway, I'm in my own bed again, that's all I know. I text Thomas first thing because I know he has a final the next day. I'm pretty sure it's his math final, and I'm also pretty sure he's not ready for it. But Thomas is in regular math, which I shredded to pieces last year, so I figure it won't be too hard to help him get in shape for the test.

I work for a guy named Marlon, and he runs a coffee shop. It's one of those weird little shacks out at the edge of a Winco parking lot, trying to be something it's not. I only work Sundays during the school year, and occasionally Thursday evenings, if there's an event going on at Central. But damn, you should see the number of cars that roll through each morning, even on a Sunday. Shit, especially on a Sunday—although the peak time is later, which is why I don't go in to help Marlon until eight-thirty.

I have a headache from the night before, but a couple glasses of water seem to make it subside quite a bit. I don't eat any breakfast. Thomas would hate that. Anyway, I get to work and there's a steady rush as usual. You wouldn't believe how impatient people who go to church can be. Jesus Christ, if they have to sit in their climate-controlled SUVs longer than ten minutes or so, they seem to forget everything they just learned, or in some cases are about to learn.

So I'm sweating away in there, more than usual because Marlon hasn't gotten around to installing the window unit yet even though he knew there was a warm front coming in, and I keep kind of glancing at my phone, waiting for Thomas to text me back. Up until noon, I ascribe the whole not-texting-back thing to him being drunk the night before. I don't think too much of it, even though he never sleeps in late. Never, not even after a night like that. After lunch, things start to slow down, and I've got both windows open and a nice breeze coming through, and also plenty of time to wonder why I still haven't heard back from him.

I text him again, and in another hour, still nothing. I want to make sure he didn't die in his sleep or something awful like that, so I give him a call. He doesn't answer. I don't leave him a voicemail. I can't remember the last time I left anyone a voicemail. Anyway, you can probably guess that I'm waiting around for the entire rest of my shift for a response from him, and nothing ever comes.

I go home and study. I study for maybe four hours until I'm completely starving. My mom bought some deli meat, if you can believe that, along with bread and cheese and a head of lettuce. I make myself a ham sandwich.

It's when I'm sitting there eating it with not much else to do that I start getting honest with myself. I haven't forgotten about last night. Of course I haven't. I'm trying not to think about it, but I haven't forgotten about it. I'll get really honest with you here: I don't want to forget. I want to remember what it felt like on his bed, face-down with him on top of me, breathing on my neck. I don't know what the fuck that means about me. I'm scared to go down that road.

I remember later, too, when we were on the street. I remember, vaguely, the moment that made us fall. I know I cried, but I'm not sure what exactly about the whole fucked up thing made me so emotional. I don't usually get like that. Usually Thomas is the emotional one. We were both sitting there crying. I don't even want to think about it now.

The only thing that sort of helps me get my spirits up is the fact that my mom gets home, and she's doing pretty well. She has good weeks like this sometimes—she'll even have a good month here or there. She tries so hard to get better. She tries harder than anybody I've ever known.

Lexie drives me to school the next day, which she sometimes does. We walk in together and a couple people we know join up with us in this cluster near the entrance hall. I'm just shooting the shit with this guy I run track with when Lexie leans in and shows me her phone. There's this text from Madison on the screen saying Thomas blew up at her. My heart kind of aches for her in that moment, but I have to act like I have no idea what's going on.