Thomas and Niko in the City of Trees

Chapter 17 - Part 1

It got to a point halfway through senior year where I was desperate to fill up a little free time, so I asked Ms. Nolan for another book to read, and she lent me a copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I was pretty skeptical at first. The previous book she lent me was called Middlesex, and I was so moved by it that I just couldn't see how some crazy kids' book could measure up. Well, it didn't. But there is a scene in it that has stuck with me ever since.

It happens when Alice goes with this character called the Gryphon to visit another character called the Mock Turtle. This whole situation with the Mock Turtle is what I couldn't seem to get out of my head once I read it. First of all, the Gryphon tells Alice that the Mock Turtle is sad without having anything to be sad about which, believe me, I can relate to. Not much is said about the place the Mock Turtle lives, so I guess my imagination must have filled in the gaps. All it says is that he's sitting up on a little rocky ledge all alone, and I pictured that ledge along the shore of this endless gray sea, with these wisps of fog hanging low over the water. The water itself is still, just barely lapping at the edge. I didn't care very much for the back-and-forth that goes on between the Mock Turtle and Alice and the Gryphon, but I was straight-up struck by the way they leave him: all alone again in that vast quiet space, just singing sadly to himself for eternity. It occurred to me that he must be the most isolated character in the whole story, and suddenly I envied him. Who knows where hell I got a feeling like that from—maybe I wasn't in a particularly good mood at the time. But I ended up holding onto that place I imagined for weeks, even months after I finished the book. Even now, I still feel this occasional longing for my own solitude in a vacant landscape next to a quiet gray sea. I don't know where you'd have to go to find a place like that in the real world. Maybe somewhere in the U.K., where Lewis Carroll—that's the author—is from. But I wouldn't be surprised at all if, like pretty much every other place in the book, it can't actually be found in reality.

Anyway, guess where I'm wishing I could be right now? It's not really that I'm feeling upset about anything. Truth be told, I'm not feeling much. I just want to be alone. After work I borrow my mom's car and drive out into the desert. I shut off the engine and radio and sit up on the roof. The metal kind of bows and pops beneath my weight. I stare out into the emptiness, listening to the sounds of the evening, trying to focus on the distant horizon and be present and all that. But it's just not doing it for me.

The sun gets low and I start driving home. I get a text from Thomas asking if I'll come over tonight before his schedule gets crazy. I drop off my mom's car. She's off work tonight, so I doubt she'll need it, but you never know with these things.

I'm walking quickly between my house and his, just to ensure that I have enough time with him. Dusk is turning to dark all around me. The warm wind kicks up and rustles the branches and leaves of the trees. It makes everything feel alive.

I enter the Chu household and find Alfred on the couch watching a movie. He nods his head as I pass. Damn, this kid is the king of silent greetings. I go into Thomas's room and close the door.

"What's up?" he says. He's at his desk, so I lie back on his bed and stare at the ceiling. He's reading about music again. He never quits with that stuff. One time he talked to me about rare time signatures for half an hour. Anyway, I lie on my back for a while, and he just keeps on reading, like it was all my idea to come over and interrupt his quiet evening alone. I prop myself up on my elbows and ask him to turn around. He spins slowly in his chair to face me.

"What's the plan?" I say.

"Just thought we could hang out. Things are going to get crazy tomorrow."

"I know."

He's just staring me up and down for a minute. "When the fuck did you get so tan?"

I shrug. "Just happened gradually, I guess."