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♡BREATHE ME ♡

"Just take a look at them, alright?"

A nauseating stack of papers. Overwhelming just to briefly glance at. Nancy sits beside her daughter at the kitchen table, reassuringly patting the woman's back. But it isn't reassuring to Maggie, not when there's a stack of applications waiting, taunting.

"Mom..." Maggie groans, rubbing her fingertips over the bridge of her nose in pure exasperation. "You don't have to fill anything out, ok? Just..." the older woman sighs. "Just think about it." But she can't think about much other than her own pain right now, can't imagine the future or the past, can barely even ground herself here in the present.

Nancy kisses her daughter on the head, then circles around to the stovetop, where she has two pork chops sizzling in a skillet. Maggie sits still, her chin perched on her hand, a scowl on her face as she eyes the papers. So many words, tiny and over-complicated. She reads the first paragraph of an application form to VCU, before her eyes droop tiredly. A yawn forces it's way through her. The Prozac makes her sleepy and dazed. The doctors tell her it'll pass. This feels no different than how she was before the meds, though, only worse.

She drops the application in the stack, and rises from the creaky wooden chair of the dining room. She rounds the table, and gives her mother's shoulder a squeeze, causing her to turn around suddenly, face a grim, worried expression. Maggie hates how she worries. "I'm going to take a nap."

She sees the conflicted look on her mother's face, probably thinking about the fact that she slept from 8:30 until 1 in the afternoon. But whatever she's thinking is left unsaid, and she nods, forcing a smile. "Sleep well."

Maggie turns away, and drags herself down the narrow hall, and into her bedroom. She collapses onto the bed. Her blankets smell like laundry detergent. Nancy must've washed them. She doesn't bother to get under the blankets or put her hair in a bonnet. She lies there, beginning to drift away.

And then, the phone rings.

She contemplates not answering it, letting the ringing reverberate through the hollow bedroom as she falls asleep. But an annoying feeling of guilt blossoms over her, making her worry someone back in Aberdeen could be hurt. A groan rips through her, muffled by the cloth of the pillow. She rolls over, and hurriedly picks up the phone, letting the cold plastic rest against her shoulder, pressed to her ear.

"Hello?" She asks. Her own voice echoes back to her. It sounds cold and dreadful and distant. "Maggie? It's Kurt. Are you okay?" He sounds worried and frantic. Her eyebrows knit together. "Uh, yeah? Why wouldn't I be?" She asks, like she hasn't narrowly survived a suicide attempt. She hears him sigh. "Last night, when we were talking... you just kind of, disappeared. Is everything okay?"

She narrows her eyes, memories dim and fleeting. She vaguely remembers speaking with him last night. There was lots of silence. But she didn't mind. The sound of him breathing over the phone, warm and comforting, didn't help with how sleepy she already was, and she supposes it lulled her off.

"Oh, shit... I'm sorry, I fell asleep. I'm sorry," she repeats, cursing herself. A frustration boils in her chest. She can't stay awake, can't think, can't feel anything. She feels vegetated, resigned to her childhood bedroom. And then she thinks of the medical school applications her mother practically forced upon her, how she longs for Aberdeen, but doesn't want to go back all at once.

Everything's piling onto her.

Her eyes water, warm and wet pupils widening. Kurt sighs in relief. "Ok, good. Sorry for worrying, I just wanted to make sure everything was alright." Before he can say anything else, a quiet sob rips through her. It sounds mutilated and broken over the phone. She quickly clasps a hand over her mouth, her body shaking, tears dripping from her eyes, and down her face. There's a shock that comes with crying. She can't even remember the last time she cried. She feels nothing and everything now, like a dam breaking.

"Maggie? Hey, what's wrong?" Kurt says, trying to sound gentle and calm, but there's a fraught anxiety in his tone. "F-fuck, I'm sorry," she gasps, her face wet, fingers shaky as she dries her cheeks desperately. A few more cries force their way up. Her tears feel like something dredged up from the dirt after being buried, something smothered and ancient. "I'm just..." she pauses, sniffing loudly, trying to grasp a hold on herself. "I'm so tired all the time. It feels like I'm crazy, Kurt," she explains, her head hanging when her eyes fill up with more tears.

"I'm sorry for dumping this on y-" Kurt promptly cuts her off. "Don't apologize, Maggie... I'm just really sorry you're going through all this. And I don't want yoy to feel bad, ever. If you need to rest, or just don't have the energy to talk, you can let me know, okay?" His voice is raspy and gentle. She sighs, her lips and eyes puffy, congested from sobbing.

"Okay," she breathes, nodding even though he can't see. She wishes he could see. There's silence. This isn't the usual, comfortable silence, it's the cold, empty type that wafts through the air dreadfully. She dries her eyes some more, trying to think of something to say now. "I miss you so much."

Kurts voice is quiet and sacred now, like it's an admission. Maggie feels her face growing hot, her heart swelling up like a balloon. "I miss you too, Kurt. God, I fucking miss you a lot... I'm gonna be back soon enough, there's just stuff here I've gotta work out." "I understand. You can take as long as you need, and I'll still be here," he assures.

"Yeah..." Maggie begins, cut off by her own yawning. Kurt notices, and chuckles. "I should probably let you go," he says. She nods. "Okay. Bye..." she pauses, her teeth catching over her bottom lip, her heart throbbing as words force their way out of her mouth. "I love you." There's silence for a moment. Maggie feels a girlish, silly fear of rejection she hasn't felt in a long time, her anxiety growing as each millisecond passes. Kurt laughs, a sunny, comforting sound. "I've been wanting to say that for awhile, too, Y'know... I love you, Maggie, sleep well."

She hangs up, and immediately turns over onto her stomach. Her heart feels heavy and relieved of a burden, all at once.

hey sexies, it's been awhile! late is better than never tho :')