Best of You [ChanCheol] ✔

20

He can't breathe. He can't move. Or maybe he doesn't want to move.

Fuck the traffic and the stairs and every single unnecessary second that was wasted. He ran so fast up those steps; he almost didn't pay the cab driver in his hurry. When he got to the floor, only feet away from Seungcheol's room, the atmosphere darkened. His mood deflated and he cursed at himself. Vernon and his friend, Seungkwan, stood across the hall outside Vernon's room. The doctor stood in front of Seungcheol's door. There was beeping and murmurs coming from inside, but Chan didn't move.

"He's a friend of Seungcheol's." This time, he recognises Vernon's voice despite how far away it sounded. Chan wants to correct him; he's not a friend. He isn't supposed to be just a friend. But he doesn't have that right. He'll never have that right.

The doctor, Wonwoo who he met the last time, stands in front of him. The clipboard is held limbly in his hands and through the circular glasses on his face, his gaze is set firmly on him. "I'm so sorry," are the first words that leave his lips and it takes all of his power not to crumble at the sound of them. It's taking every bit of effort in him to stay standing.

"I—Can I see him?" Chan manages to choke out.

Wonwoo looks ready to say no, but Vernon speaks up before he can. "Let him have a moment alone with him. It's the least you could do, doctor."

Wonwoo looks at him for a few moments and then he turns around, disappearing into the room. When he comes out, a man in nurse attire steps out, so much taller than Wonwoo himself. Another person steps out, in similar attire, and then Wonwoo is nodding at him. "You may go in," he says softly, treading carefully on his words.

The door closes behind him and for the first few moments, he isn't moving. He stands by the door, looking over at the bed where Seungcheol lays. And his breath catches in his throat.

For as long as they've known each other, Chan has never stepped foot in here. There's a poster on the wall; a band Chan recognises and beside it, a picture. Slowly, he allows himself to look over to Seungcheol again. The amount of wires connected to him has his heart skipping a beat.

He sits on the chair beside the bed. Reaching out, he intertwined their fingers and he can't grip or curl his hand. He can't make a fist and one look over and the tears are falling and he wants it to stop and he wants him to not look so pale and still and lifeless.

"I'm so sorry, Seungcheol hyung," Chan whispers shakily, lifting one of his hands to wipe at his face. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen," he wails. He's struggling for breaths. Struggling to suck in a breath between his sobs. "You were supposed to be around longer." Leaning forward, he rests his head against the edge of the bed, holding onto his hand and sobbing quietly to himself. Though, despite it being quiet, his sobs bounce against the walls.

Eventually, he has to leave. There's nothing that can be said by anyone that will change that and he understands. Though before he can leave, Wonwoo stops him.

"This is from Seungcheol," he says, handing over an envelope which Chan accepts without comment. With a quiet thank you, he watches Wonwoo walk off down the hall. Looking down, he sees the messy handwritten version of his name that has his lips quirking at the corners. Without really thinking about it, he takes the elevator to the rooftop. The memory of their first meeting pops into his head as he walks over to the bench and takes a seat.

Bracing himself, he takes out the piece of paper covered in the same messy writing that was on the envelope. And he can't help but realize how he didn't know a lot about Seungcheol and yet somehow, he feels like he's known him forever.

Dear Chan (don't ask me why I'm starting with 'dear'. I went to school and that's how we were informed to write letters.)

It's been a few days since our kiss and, well, I can't stop thinking about it. You see, I've liked you for a while, and for some reason, I thought you felt the same. I guess that's why I kissed you.

I want to apologise. For acting on those feelings without being sure.

And I want to apologise, because I don't regret it. In my next lifetime and many others, I will never regret it. All I regret is doing it when I did. If I hadn't, we could have spent more time together.

The thing is, I lied. And I know you know that I did.

I said I'd be around for a long time, but my days are coming to an end. I see the way the doctors look at me and honestly, I'm not stupid. I've picked it up myself. I'm getting worse by the day. I can't even go outside.

If I could, I'd have come to see you. So, don't think I wouldn't have.

I don't want to ramble, so I'll say this. The doctors who connected our calls because they thought I wasn't okay, they were right. I wasn't. I never told you this, but I'm telling you now.

I'm saying this because I want to thank you for giving me smiles and memories I'll never forget. Thank you for being the best person I could have met in my numbered days.

Before I say goodbye, one last thing. Don't blame yourself, okay? I see how you look when you talk about your mom. If you ever talk about me, do it with a smile on your face. It's the smile I fell for.

Be happy for me, okay? Show the world the best of you, and go and make history, Lee Chan. Make me proud.

Sincerely, and with much love

Choi Seungcheol.

Ink runs along one of the lines as his tears wet the page and he's quick to wipe it away, sniffing softly and shaking his head.

"You're an idiot, Cheol. You shouldn't be apologising," he whispers softly. "I like you too, Choi Seungcheol. And I'm sorry I couldn't tell you that in time." He smiles, lifting his head to look at the sky.

"But I'll tell you now; you are one of the best people I have ever met," he says up to the sky. "And damn right, I'll make you proud."

A/N

With that folks, we come to the end of the story.

I just want to thank y'all who read and supported this story; it means a lot. And to the person who commented, I'm sorry they got a sad ending :( Hopefully, if I have a chance to write a full ChanCheol fic again, they'll get a happier ending. But still, thank you for your comment :) 

I wish you all a wonderful day ahead and maybe I'll see you around in my next story ;)

Thank you once again <3