Is You [YinWar]

Chapter 4

******* YIN'S POV *******

P'War and I settled down in front of the television and we both have already finished two bottles of beer each. I can already tell that P'War is already getting tipsy. He is not a heavy drinker after all.
 
 
 
I think he wanted to get drunk first for him to get confident but right now it still seems like he is still hesitating to start the 'talk' that we are supposed to have.
  
  
It was actually painfully obvious that we are both staring at the TV but we both don't even have any idea of what was being shown on the screen as we are both preoccupied. It was obvious that we are actually waiting for each other.
  
  
I don't want to start because in the first place I don't even know what to tell him. I still do not have any intention of confessing my feelings for him and I have already made up my mind that I will give way for his happiness.
 
 
I will never want to risk whatever relationship we have right now. I'd rather just bottle up all these feelings and forget about them than to lose him.
 
 
"Uh... Yin...?" he asked softly and I just hummed as response.
 
 
"C-can you turn off the TV already so we can... uh... start talking?" he asked shyly while looking down.
 
 
I reached out to get the remote placed in the table to turn off the TV.
 
 
I now started to wonder why he seems so nervous just like me.
 
 
What if he already found out about my secret?!?
  
 
What should I do if he tells me to clearly set a boundary between us?
 
 
Maybe he really is already aware of my unrequited feelings for him that he can't find the right words to say to make it less painful for me.
 
 
Oh God... I am not ready to hear his rejection face to face...
 
  
Well, I don't actually think I will ever be ready for that.
 
 
I don't think I can handle the pain of being directly rejected by him.
 
 
I don't think my heart can survive any longer.
 
 
I unknowingly heaved a sigh.
  
 
"I'm... I'm so sorry, Yin." P'War said almost like a whisper.
 
 
My tears suddenly rolled down my face.
 
 
I began to bawl like a child.
 
 
I feel so fucking hurt.
 
 
I feel so fucking broken.
 
 
My stupid fragile heart felt like it broke into million pieces.
 
 
"Aww.. P-please don't cry, Yin." P'War nervously said.
 
 
 
"I'm...sorry... Phi." I weakly whispered in between my sobs.
 
 

"No, Yin. I'm the one who needs to apologize." P'War said before he suddenly wrapped his arms around me.
 
 
 
His warm embrace makes me want to cry some more.
 
 
 
I buried my face on his neck and still continued crying.
 
 
 
"I'm really sorry, Yin." he said again as he start rubbing my back to calm me down.
  
 

"Whatever I did, I swear to God I have no intention of hurting you. I'm really sorry. I hope you can still forgive me." he said before he also broke down in tears.
 
 
 
I hugged him tight as well.

We just kept on hugging while crying.

It's as if we are both seeking for comfort with one another.

I don't have any idea of what had happened with P'War but seeing him crying this much makes me feel more hurt.

I am in pain but it literally pains me more to see him this broken.

   

  

I looked up at his face and held his chin to make him look at me.
 
   
 
I just noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He look like a mess.
  
 
I gently wiped away the tears on his face.

    

"Yin... p-please don't hate me.... Please forgive me..." he softly pleaded while tears still keep on falling from his gloomy eyes.