Vowess

5.

By the morning and after James prepared everything to sail away to America he returned to the monastery. His horse halt his gallop outside the door and James looked around for a moment. He couldn't sleep whole night,maybe from excitement that she'll follow him to his motherland. Maybe from work,he need to have everything in order for the trip. With these thoughts and beating heart he knock on the wooden heavy door twice and waited.

"She's in the chapel, lad," Santiago came to him and patted his shoulder. From the way he was looking at him, he could instantly tell, that something was not right. "She's been there whole day, whole night," he told him with a sigh and nod, then left.

James looked at the man confused as he left. But he didn't had time to ponder or guess of the reason he sounded like this. He quick his steps and found Mary underneath the cross praying. Looking around he saw no one else and approach. "Mary.." he said quietly. "Why are you not ready  yet?" He asked curiously as he noticed that she hide her hair again.

She crossed herself, asking for a strength. The truth was, her heart was aching, but she accepted the idea, that it was a sin, that made her to feel that way. She stood up and turned to see him. "I'm staying here, James," she said calmly. In her nature there wasn't anything cold, she couldn't and didn't know, how to be cruel. And maybe that was for him even worse. "You challenged God for a duel. And God won," she told him, coming closer as she stopped in front of him. "I'm chosing God, James Keziah."

James looked at her not only taken aback but as if someone just pull the rag under his feet. "Mary, what are you talking about?" He asked coldly this time. "I think we agreed that we'll leave together today." He swallowed up and took a deep breath. "You said that you want to see the world with me.."

"I know," she sighed. "But God is my whole world. In him I have everything I need to experience and see. I made my vow to him. And I'll stay here and keep my promises. I'll keep my word."

"What about your word to me?" James narrow his eyes and almost clench his jaw. "It's not as much as a promise to a God? Because I'm a man. He promised you heaven but you live in darkness. I'm darkness but i gave you a piece of heaven just like you did for me. Mary.." he wasn't the one to beg but his heart couldn't go on and let her behind. "I understand that you've been here your whole life. You know nothing beside these cold walls but there's a world out there waiting for you."

"I've already made my decision, James. I'll pray for you," she softly said, looking into his eyes. Then she turned and went to kneel back under the cross, where she started to pray again.

James stood there watching her and swallow up the knob on his throat. He couldn't force her to leave,he couldn't kidnap her and let her hate him for the last of her life. "Mary, don't do this to yourself." He said and his voice almost broke.

"Farewell, James Keziah," she told silently and her words sunk into cold walls of the chapel like ghosts. Holding her tears, just leave, she begged in her mind, so she could finally let all her sorrow to be taken away by the rivers of tears.

A single tear escaped his eyes and run down his cheek to fall on the floor. He stood there like lost cub and took a deep breath. So i leave alone,he thought and pull himself together. "Take care of yourself,dove." He said quietly. "The world is out there,dove. I hope one day you'll see it." Without saying more he left. With empty hands just like he came,alone and wounded. Without looking back he cross the land and found his way back to port. His crew was ready and they sailed away. But he didn't stayed to see the hope of the new world in the horizon he went back to his cabin and drunk himself to sleep. If there was any sleep for him until he stepped in America.

Time floated like a river. Same as Mary's tears. James left and her heart, that she claimed to belong to god, remained empty. Completely. She became very quiet and away was her neverending smile. She stayed calm, she was helping people, other nuns. But it seemed like her mental state had an effect on her psychical as well. At first she thought so. Until she realized, that James was gone, but he didn't leave completely. He didn't leave her alone. He left her with a piece of heaven and left her with a biggest blessing - a child in her womb. Mary realized it after she stopped bleeding, she was vomiting, but still her curves changed. Perhaps she was nun, but she wasn't stupid. She was aware, what can help, when woman and man share bed. That is what sex is for anyway, she one day cried desperately on the bed. I wished him to marry me. I wished to be his. Now I am here and he  surely forgot about me already, she thought and her hands landed flat on her belly. Belly, that was already swollen, yet her long robe luckily could hide a lot. However Mary knew, that in four months, she will give a birth to a child and she needed an advice. "I am pregnant," came one morning from between her soft lips in a confession room. "I shared bed with a man."