More Than Paralyzed { Ricky "Horror" Olson }

Catharsis

•Salem•

The show goes exactly how you would expect it to go.
The show is almost over their playing a song called Eternally Yours, it's such a sweet song parts of it make me think of a guy I must've met years ago now. I look up and away from Chris to Ricky, and I'm hit with a flood of things, memories, and I blink through now teary eyes, continuing to sing along with the words as I remember them, and so many other things. Game nights at Chris' house, the guys playing with Lucian on so many different occasions, every holiday we've ever spent together. I feel normal for the first time in so long,
"If I can't let you go will darkness divide?
For the fiction of love is the truth of our lies
We were playing for keeps, but we both knew the cost
Now the only way out's in your heart-shaped box
But I hate that it seemed you were never enough
We were broken and bleeding but never gave up
And I hate that I made you the enemy
And I hate that your heart was the casualty
Now I hate that I need you" Chris sings. More memories, I touch the little heart keyhole shaped necklace dangling from my neck, while I sing along. These are the songs that I would listen to when I felt myself slipping away. 

    After  the show ends my mom and I are standing off to the side waiting, for what I'm not sure, but we've been here for a while. So long that we're some of the few people left outside, and then I see them, I start walking towards the door that they've just exited, my mom not far behind me.
"Mr. Horror" the words just fall from my lips like they have many times before. I watch as he stops, "Ricky"
He turns  and I watch him inhale so deeply, "Salem"
He walks towards me.
"Hey" I whisper shakily as he get closer he doesn't stop walking until he's close enough to wrap his arms all the way around me, as I start to vividly remember all of the times he's hugged me this tight before, and I can't keep it together, sobs rock my now thin and fragile body and Ricky just holds me tighter, one arm around my body the other wrapped around my neck.
"Salem, I can't- I've missed you so much" he whispers and I can feel him bury his face in my hair. I can't stop crying. I know that I did all of this to shield him from the pain of watching someone you care about die, but now I don't think I did that.
"I'm sorry," I cry, " I shouldn't have left, I should've stayed and told you what was happening"
He lets go and looks at me, "what do you mean what's happening?"
"I'm dying" I mumble shivering in the cold air.
"You're what?" He stutters.
"She has cancer, it spread to her brain, she has about four months left, and they expect her health is going to start declining rapidly after this month" I hear mom say she sounds so broken. I look up to Ricky  he looks like he's going to be sick. He looks down at me, and all I see is a broken man, his eyes look so hollow, empty even, all of the color has drained from his face.
"Four months," he says I nod, " why didn't you tell me?"
He looks angry now as he steps back away from me.
"I thought it would make it easier on you if you didn't know" I say barely above a whisper.
"You thought finding out in four months, that my best friend, love of my life, was dead wild be easier than getting to enjoy the little bit of time that I had with her? Or did you think that disappearing for years would make me love you less?" He asks  I watch him go through so many emotions in the time it took him to say that, "Salem, I-"
"Ricky I'm sorry," I say, " I know that doesn't fix anything, but it's all I have right now,"
"So what you came to the show to see how we were doing before leaving again? Why did you even answer the phone earlier?" He rambled, "Salem everyone thought you were missing, gone, just taken, I can't tell you how many nights I couldn't sleep, all I would do is think of all of the awful things someone could have been doing to you"
"Ricky I'm sorry," I sigh, " I was trying to protect you"
Ricky opens his mouth to say something but stops, "do I at least get be apart of what remains of your life? Or are you going to push me away for that too?"
"I think that it would be nice to have you around for a while, I don't want you to be there when things start to get worse, I don't want you to remember me like that" I say. He nods.
"I can't promise you that" he says.
"Ricky do you still want a ride home?" I hear Chris call, before I see him walking over, "you weren't kidding she really is here, Salem you awful"
I laugh, "thanks I tried"
Ricky kisses my forehead, "I'll see you in the morning, still in the same place?"
I nod and he walks away.
"Let's go home" mom says and we leave.

•Three months later•

•Ricky•
(The rest of the story will be told from Ricky's point of view, as it'll be easier to write from experience from the point of watching someone go through this part of the cancer than it would be to write from the person going through this part)

I didn't sleep  I couldn't. I've stay with the Manson's for months just watching as Salem got worse. Recently she's forgotten almost everyone, Lucian staying with her dad because she couldn't remember him, she has hospice nurses that come to the house to give her morphine because she's in so much pain these days, she doesn't eat, she doesn't get out of bed. Most days she doesn't remember me, and it's like meeting her all over again. She's never been scared of me like she has with other people. You know soul mates are some kind of sick fucking joke, and being the one who is damned to live while the other  dies, is the worst form of punishment, I feel like I've lost everything and nothing at the same time. Why did I have to be the one to meet her, why does she not get to grow old and watch Lucian become an adult.  Salem stirs slightly in the bed across from the chair I've been sitting in. I watch her open her eyes and smile at me.
"Mr. Horror" she whispers making my eyes burn, I told myself I wouldn't cry, I hold her hand.
"Hey Crucible" I whisper forcing myself to smile.
"You know I didn't want you here for this part" she says she can't speak above a whisper most days it takes too much strength, strength she doesn't have.
"You know I couldn't leave you, not after the fall last time, you were lucid" I say, she closes her eyes, I wait for these moments where she can speak clearly, she can remember parts of our day or conversations.
"You know I've never stopped loving you" she whispers.
"I know, because I never stopped either" I tell her gently stroking the back of her hand.
"I know I'm gross right now, but all I want is to be snuggled in cold" she chuckles weakly.
"Anything you want, Love" I whisper kissing her forehead. I cover her up with another blanket  before taking my shoes off and climbing into bed next to her. She didn't want a hospital bed or to go to the hospital, she wanted to go peacefully in her own home, her nurses tell me everyday that today could be the day, and to try to help her get as comfortable as possible. I  snuggle as close as I can and wrap my arm around her waist, and she falls asleep again after using all of her strength to roll on to her side, I bury my face into her neck and songs to her like I used to do when she had trouble sleeping before all of this. My heartaches thinking that this could be the last time that I get to hold her.

Sobs and helpless whimpers escape my lips as I stop feeling her chest rise and fall with her breathing and the grip she did have on my hand loosens until her hand falls limp from mine. Through blurry eyes I call her hospice nurse no words just slightly muffled cries as I bury my face in her neck and what remains of her once thick black hair.
I couldn't tell you how long I stayed there curled up next to Salem, bawling my eyes out, wishing that there was something I could've done, wishing that I had more time with her, wishing that I could trade places with her, not because I didn't want to be alive anymore, but because she didn't deserve this.
"Sugar, it's time for you go," I can hear her nurse Jen say as she touches my shoulder.
I turn my head to look at her, "do I have too?"
"Well no, but it's been hours and I think you'll probably want to get cleaned up before her boy gets here" Jen says.
"She didn't want him to see her like this" I whisper.
"I know but her parents are on the way" she says. I sit up and look at Salem, she looks like she's sleeping, but she's also turning a light shade of blue as the blood has stopped flowing through her veins, and she's so cold, I make myself leave her bed, leave her side. I get out of bed and I walk down the stairs and out of the house. I know that I'll never be back there, and that a part of me died with her.