Welcome, Misadventurer! | Konosuba Fanfiction [Konosuba, OC]

Neet Dies, Then Neet Reincarnates

Wait... So, how'd I die? To be frank, This ain't exactly how I pictured myself being remembered for all generations to come — excessive masturbation. You've gotta be joking, how could an elite person such as myself be toppled by something so stupid? The only way it could possibly be worse for anyone is if it they were to go out from shock, thinking maybe that a slow tractor colliding towards their bodies was instead a massive truck.

"But not like anyone could be that dumb or could they? Oh, the irony of that would just be perfect."

"Are you done mumbling to yourself?" A girl with blue locks sitting adjacent of me asked. "So you died from playing with your willy too much, big whoops!"

   "Easy for you to say, I'm the one who'll go down the history books for legitimately beating my own knob off!"

   "Oh, please Jun! It's wasn't like you were the first ever human dumb enough to even do so."

   "Huh?"

   "What?" One of her eyebrows noticeably raised. "You didn't really think that out of all the thousands dying each year, you'd be trending worldwide as it's originator, did you?"

   Well, I supposed that is a rather given fact. But it's still appalling to think how the only memory of others will remember you by is your most embarrassing one. Seriously though, where's all the justice in the world? There were still tons of stuff I wanted to do!

Haibara Jun's bucket list:
1). Heat and eat the delicious microwavable nachos left in fridge.
2). Lose Virginity to a smokin' hot babe. (Anime body pillows don't count)
3). Start a harem empire.

It's a badly thought-out arrangement of items, I must admit. Truly an eyesore to normies such as yourself, huh? Nothing more could a shut-in neet really want than those three things up there though. Well, goodbye dreams of mine and hello afterlife. "What a waste..."

   "I know, right? I wonder why you even resort to such things. With abs like those, women should be swooning left, right and centre!"

     That reminds me. "By the way, why is only the top portion of my body naked?"

     She visibly gasped. "So, it's true, too much self-pleasure can reduce your mental prowess! Oh, you poor child..."

     Did this random girl really just insult my intelligence? Who the hell even is this chick? If I'm dead, shouldn't I be engulfed in either majestic clouds or blazing flames? But looking back at my deeds, I haven't really done anything worthy to achieve the former.

     Still, if this place is indeed some sort of purgatory, shouldn't there be a god or guarding lecturing me right now? Perhaps she's the boss around here. Kind of hard to believe though, what kind of almighty deity doesn't even wear underwear! However, I ain't exactly complaining either.

     "Anyways, let's just cut straight to the point!" The mysterious lady stood. "I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I assure you that all of which will be answered in just a bit."

     "Sure, go ahead. It's not like I'm going anywhere — I'm dead."

     "That, you are." She then proceed to walk towards me while miraculously garnering up papers straight from thin air. "First thing's first, my name's Aqua, the goddess of water who guides humans to the afterlife! And yes, you heard it correctly, the same Aqua who is worshipped by my faithful followers within the Axis Order. Be grateful to graced by yours truly."