Fake Smile | Jaeyong Nct

27

Trigger Warning:  suicide, schizophrenia, child abuse. 

You can skip this chapter if you want!

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Incredibly angry Lie left the studio. The fact that Johnny had now turned against him did not suit him at all. He was so close to completing his plan. Even if Johnny was no longer on his side, he would still pursue it and finish his plan. Of course, it would be easier with Johnny. By losing Johnny's trust and friendship he definitely had to speed up his plan. It wouldn't be long before Johnny got all the others from NCT against him and they would kick him out of the band. He had worked on his plan way too long to give up now. Not now. Since time was running out he had to speed up his plan, if not jump straight to the last point. The end of his plan. In his imagination, this point would completely destroy Taeyong. It would cost him his career. In his ideal world, SM Entertainment would kick him out of the company and everyone knew that if one of the Big 3 kicked an idol, you would automatically be blacklisted and no other company would care about you anymore. If his plan works, this is exactly what would happen to Taeyong.

Sighing, he ordered a new drink from the bartender and thought back to the time when he had started to hate Taeyong. It all began when he was almost 9 years old. When he moved to seoul with his mother after his parents split up. His mother met Taeyong's mother at work and they became friends quite quickly. Lei and his mother had actually always a close relationship. Because of his father's separation, both went through hell together and he thought that this only brought them closer together. But he was wrong and everything changed when his mother met the Lee family. 

His mother had adored Taeyong's mother and really looked up to her and her family. Lei was just 9 years old when she started to compare him more and more to the son of the Lee family. No matter what he did, he wasn't Taeyong, he was not Lee. Everytime when he wrote an exam at school and was proud of his score and was looking forward to show it to his mom, she would react with "I heard Taeyong scored more points. Or similar statements. Lei did not know Taeyong personally. He might have seen him on school from time to time, but never had the urge to make friends with him. When Lei turned 14, he felt invisible to his mother. No matter what he did, no matter what scores he brought home from school. He was not Taeyong. Under the pressure to get better, he completely distanced himself from his friends and studied day and night. He wanted to become better than Taeyong. He wanted to make his mother proud and finally win her back. But no matter what he did, he couldn't reach him. At 15, he decided to give up. One day he talked to his mother. He asked her why Taeyong was so much more important to her than him, her own son. In response, his mother slapped him.  

He didn't want to live like this anymore. He wouldn't be able to convince his mother anyway. He didn't want to learn all the time, just to to impress his mother. He didn't want to give his best for nothing anymore. At the age of 15, he had a complete character change behind him. He had changed completely. His colorful clothes were dominated by black clothes in his closet, his smile was rarely seen anymore and his cigarettes were always in his jacket pocket. He was also no longer present every day at school and when he did, his scores did not interest him anymore at all. He did not care about anything at all. The only thing he felt was hate for the oh so perfect Taeyong. His mother had still not changed. She had rather worsened.
At the age of 15 he met Yoonah. Yoonah was like him. She loved dark clothes, dark music, and just like him she had a huge hatred for the world. Their first meeting was in September 2015, when Lei had skipped class again and was sitting on an old, slightly rotten wooden bench behind the school grounds. He was wearing an oversized black hoodie, had pulled the hood deep into his face and was tugging on his cigarette when Yoonah discovered him. She had also left class because she couldn't stand it among all the other students and fled outside where she saw him smoking alone on the bench. Without hesitation, she went to him. He still remembers exactly how she approached him for the first time. "Ey loser! If you're going to smoke here, be so kind and at least pass me a cigarette."
After these words, a grin was forming on Yoonah's lips and Lei handed her the cigarette pack.
From that moment on, the two of them spent every second together. They met before school, at school and after school. Yoonah was absolutely not like other girls. She was the complete opposite of the typical girl cliché. She hated everything that looked sweet and cute, and she was literally allergic to the color pink. Although she was also only 15, her body was covered with tattoos. Especially on her arms there were no more free spaces of skin to be found. In her face she also had already 3 piercings. Two in her lip on each side and one in her eyebrow. Her long, blue colored hair was mostly tied in two braids and lay curly over her shoulders and although she didn't originate from the typical girl cliché, she was the most beautiful girl Lei ever saw. 

Yoonah and Lei were soulmates. They did everything together. While Lei's hatred for Taeyong grew more and more, Yoonah's hatred for the world grew daily. Both were different people with different, horrible stories, but both were filled with hate.While Lei felt that he was never enough, Yoonah had quite different demons to fight. She suffered from severe schizophrenia since she was 12 years old.  Her parents, who believe that mental illness does not exist, refused to pay her therapy. Untreated, her delusions and paranoia became stronger and stronger and she saw a danger in everyone. Except in Lei. Because of her lack of emotionality and her different appearance, she was always excluded and bullied by other girls. Lei was the first person who was different the first person who was similar to her. She felt from the beginning that there was no danger coming from him.

When Lei told her about his hatred for Taeyong, she began to believe in her delusion that Taeyong was the cause for everything. Her schizophrenic thoughts immediately thought Taeyong was an incredible danger. Lei's hate for Taeyong had burned into her mind so much that her schizophrenia suddenly revolved around the boy as well. In her mind, he took on the form of an terrible monster and she began to hallucinate about him. Although she never met Taeyong personally, just like Lei, and only saw him at school from time to time, she slowly felt the same hate as Lei felt towards him.

When Yoonah turned 18, Taeyong was announced as a rookie by SM Entertainment. That same evening, she took her own life. She had sent Lei a video of her sitting in the bathtub with her arms already slit out and asked him why everything in this world was against her and why the bad people always won everything. 

This was the point where Lei had decided to take revenge on Taeyong. He didn't understand why Taeyong was winning everything while he himself was losing everything. Through Yoonah's death, he had lost the only person who could make him happy, the only person he loved. And now she was gone.He would never be able to see her again, never see her beautiful smile again. The smile that belonged only to him and no one else. This was the moment when Lei decided to destroy Taeyong. Not even 1 year later he was accepted at an audition at Big Hit and became an Idol Trainee and his plan finally began. 

Again sighing Lei swallowed his drink, put cash on the counter and left the bar. He knew he had to take the last step of his plan before Johnny ruined everything. Outside the bar, he pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket and dialed the number of his friend Min Yoongie, also called Suga, and asked him to come by tonight. Just one day later, BTS released the blackmailing video of Taeyong. 

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Today a somewhat different chapter.

I just wanted to explain Leis reasons and hope that this chapter worked out well.

I am not familiar with schizophrenia and would like to apologize if my statements are not correct. I googled the disease and mixed different schizophrenia symptoms together.

If any of my readers is diagnosed with schizophrenia: I do not want to offend anyone. Please feel free correct me anytime. 

also Suicide is never a solution. If you ever have suicidal thoughts, talk to others about it and seek help. 

"YOU are enough! 

"In times of tragedy, it's important to make sure you love yourself first. There's no shame in having to fight every day, but fighting every day, and presumably, if you're still alive to hear these words or read this, then you are winning your war. You're here."

 "When life beats you down. NEVER give up" 

- Jared Padalecki