It's Been Five Years

Five

" I just want to start over mom."

I say as I begin filling a cardboard box with Clara's clothes. My mom is standing with her thin arms crossed over her chest giving me a guilt inducing expression that I am trying to divert my eyes from.

" I just wish you would think about this, Aria! This is just you being impulsive. Moving to New York? This is insane! That's halfway across the country. We'll never see you, honey."

My mother whines and I roll my eyes. I understand that she worries about me, but I'm a new person now. I've proven that I can be responsible for Clara, I've been sober for six years, and I've successfully obtained my college degree, so I can easily get a job to provide for me and Clara. I need a fresh start, I need to get away from my old life and start new with me and my daughter. I don't want to deal with holidays and birthdays with Angelina and Henry. Seeing them together is far too difficult and far too complicated. I can't risk Angelina and my parents finding out that Daniel is actually Henry, my ex-boyfriend and father of my child. And now that Clara knows that " Daniel" is her father, it makes things even more complicated. I can't expect Clara to keep it a secret because that would be super messed up to do to a child. So, to put it simply, I want to uncomplicate my fucking life! The only way to do that is move my ass as far away from this freaking mess as I possibly can.

" You know it's been a dream of mine to move to New York, Mom. I'm perfectly capable of being on my own now. I want to start living my life the way I want to live it!"

I say as I seal the box tightly. My mother sighs and presses her bright red lips into a straight line.

" Is this about your sister?"

My mother asks with her eyebrow cocked. What? Does she... does she know something? Did Clara say something?

" Ugh, what do you mean?"

I ask shakily.

" Well, you've always been so competitive with Angelina. I'm just wondering if you're making this impulsive decision to move to New York because you saw what an amazing life your sister has and you're trying to, I don't know, upstage her?"

My mother says and I feel anger boil inside of me. Oh, if you only knew the real reason I'm moving mother.

" No, of course not! I want to move to New York because I'm tired of living in the same place I've lived in for my entire life. I want to get away from the bad memories and the trauma that lives in this god forsaken town! Do you have any idea how h-hard it is to drive by that freaking RV park every day on the way to work? Do you? I want to get away from him, mom! The memory of him I mean. How am I supposed to forget him when every single thing in this town reminds me of him?"

I fume as tears begin to stream down my cheeks. Even though I'm not telling my mom the whole truth, I am telling her part of the reason I'm moving. It's true, I can't stand living in this town where everything happened. I can't stand seeing that RV park. And I won't be able to stand seeing him married to my perfect sister. It's time to leave him behind, completely. It's time to leave this life behind. My mother groans and pushes her long fingernails through her short hair.

" Alright, I understand that darling. I just am so worried about you being so far away. I don't want you making poor decisions...again."

My mother says in a low voice.

" If you're worried I'll get into drugs again, don't be. I'm totally fine and totally in control of my addiction. I haven't slipped once in six years. I care way too much about Clara to ever even think about using again."