𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐃| Klaus Hargreeves

↝nine

"The nerve of that man! I mean, one thing goes wrong, and he's on a warpath. I mean, doesn't know who I am? No, no, Ray, you know exactly who I am. You just can't handle it!" Allison went on a rant in the middle of the small yet lovely salon.

"Men are the worst." Lavender said from where she was seated with the lamp shade still on her head, painting her nails.

"Right? I'm protecting him." Allison said as she yanked rather hard on Klaus hair while Vanya finger gunned the bottles on the shelves.

"Ow! From what?" Klaus questioned as Allison yanked.

"As any good wife would do, I mean i'd do the same if it wasn't literally Klaus's family." Lavender went on as Klaus gave her a sweet smile.

"Is the world really gonna end in six days?" Vanya spoke up as she looked at them through the mirror on the wall.

"Well, it did last time and we did everything Five could think of to stop it." Allison spoke as she began to tease Klaus's hair but he couldn't manage to stop moving.

"Hey, wouldn't it be weird if Five grew up all hot? Wouldn't that be weird?" Klaus asked as he stood and put a cigarette in his mouth.

"Klaus, shut up."

"Okay, ew!"

"What?"

"Oh please with Miss "Luther was my lover."" Klaus mocked Allison as Lavender gave a snort.

"Member that time he got so pissed at me when I helped Allison to her room?" Lavender asked as Klaus laughed loudly at the memory.

"We have never even kissed." Allison defended herself as she put a hand toward the two.

"Yeah, but you guys were making little sick moon-dog eyes at each other." Klaus said as he rocked on his heels to the music.

"Aren't we all brothers and sister?" Vanya asked with a very confused and disturbing face as Klaus snorted

"Oh, baby, not me, no. Five just brought me here because we got stuck in time together." Lavender spoke quickly, not sure if Vanya knew yet, "But Allison and Luther are, yes."

"Well, technically it's-" Allison began with a stressed look as Klaus cut her off.

"If you have to use the word technically, you're already in trouble." Klaus said as Allison sighed before looking to Lavender who avoided her eyes.

"Can we focus here?" Allison spoke up as Lavender agreed while taking the lamp off her head.

"I mean, clearly we're not saving the world tonight, but maybe, maybe, we could at least try and save my marriage." Allison spoke as Klaus poured himself other drink as Lavender gave him a slap on the ass on his way by.

"No! No! Because that's like, that's like asking a nun how to hump someone's leg. I mean, who in this room knows shit about relationship?" Klaus spoke up as he looked at each other them before pointing to Vanya, "This one? In secret love with some farm Frau."

"Her names Sissy." Vanya corrected.

"Which is an important improvement on her previous love interest, the serial killer." Klaus mumbled as Allison gave him a knowing look.

"What?" Vanya asked before Klaus pointed to Ivy.

"Then Lav has tried to divorce me so many times because she doesn't know relationships, I mean I was kinda her first everything-" Klaus began before he was cut off.

"Could you not, right now?" she asked him loudly as his hands went up in surrender.

"Meanwhile, i'm married to the woman I love that also mothered my brother, and Luther is in love with his sister."Klaus went on as he held one hand in the air, his palm tattoo on full display.