Happy Utopia Day, Joe McCarthy

Chapter 7

I am listening with one ear. 

—Senator Joseph McCarthy 

“Understand?” the ninja asks. 

I don’t understand at all. “I understand,” I say. 

She releases my hair and puts the knife away. She grabs her bo staff and steps over Fixer’s body. “Your friend didn’t make it,” she says nonchalantly. 

I stand up and rub my sore legs. “Who are you? And why did you attack me?” 

She does a flying karate kick and lands in front of me. “I’m Ninjenna. Are you impressed?” 

“I’m more sore than impressed.” 

“Shit. Look, I’m sorry about the knockdown. It’s just that I wanted to impress you.” 

“You scared me, though. Who are you?” 

“Ninjenna! You haven’t heard of me?” 

“No.” 

She whacks her bo staff against the ground. “Damn. I’m trying so hard to get a reputation. I’m sort of the protector around here.” 

“I’ll remember you,” I say, thinking out loud. 

She perks up. “Really? Could you put a good word in? I so want to move up a level. Picking you up is the most exciting thing I’ve done since I arrived here two years ago. Is it true what they say?” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Don’t be coy. I’ve heard the stories.” 

“What stories?” 

She points at me. “You know. The rumors are the government has figured out the secret to everlasting life. And that your level is in on it.” 

I roll my eyes and flick my hand in the air. “Look. I’ve had it with you nut-job spooks or whatever you are. How do I get out of here? I want to go home.” 

Ninjenna drops into a karate-ready pose. She looks at Fixer’s body and then back at me. “Aren’t you Fixer?” 

I point to the body. “That’s Fixer.” 

Her soft padded ninja shoes tip-tap over to Fixer. She kneels down and feels his neck. “He’s dead.” Her head slumps. “I can’t believe it.” 

“I’m sorry. I only knew him a few hours. He seemed like a nice guy.” 

Ninjenna stands up and faces me. “This was my first chance to work with him.” She paces. “I should have known. You were so easy to take down.” She sits on the ground and crosses her legs in ninja fashion, resting her bo staff over her knees. “All hope is lost.” 

“How’d you get here?” 

“Ten years of ninja training for naught.” 

“Do you have a car close by?” 

“I renounced my religion. My parents won’t even talk to me. All for some pipe dream.” 

I raise my voice. “Hey. Where the hell are we?” 

She jumps up and checks me with her bo staff. “You don’t understand.” 

“Ow!” 

“Fixer is a legend. He supposedly had the secret.” She checks me again. 

“Hey.” I back away and around Fixer. His body separates Ninjenna and me. “What secret?” 

“I told you before. Everlasting life. Fixer couldn’t die. He had everlasting life. I’ve worked ten years and gone through three levels to reach this point. I only had one more level to go. I wanted to live forever too!” She whips the bo staff over her head and twirls it in the air. “You are with the government, right?”