I ___ you

Infection

I fell asleep during the ultrasound and I wake up just as I'm being brought back to the room. The nurse removed my oxygen because I was back to breathing normally. As the nurse opens the door, I see Harry and Dr. Fitz in the chairs as the doctor is telling Harry something, clearly to try to calm him down.

Harry is in tears and is clearly struggling to calm down. I remove the mask from my face and the nurses put my bed back into place. The doctor stands and Harry barrels at me wrapping me into his arms and holding me firmly. Releases me for a moment still holding my hand to climb back into the bed with me. He pulls me in close as one of the nurses hooks me back up to the pulse monitor and moves the oxygen tank.

"Are you okay?" I ask Harry.

"I'm okay" he says and I know that he's lying.

"It's time to tell her" says Dr. Fitz and Harry nods.

"Grace the reason why Harry and your mother were upset the other day was because I had to tell them part of what I'm about to tell you. The truth is that because of everything going on in your body right now, if your body were to develop an infection there is a five percent that you should live. What I have to tell you now is that you have an infection" he says.

I stare at him in absolute shock and I don't even know what to do. I feel Harry start to break down and I turn to face him.

"I'm so sorry" is all he can croak out. I break down into him and can't control my emotions anymore. The doctor and nurses leave and Harry and I are once again left alone.

I back up slightly so that I can see Harry's face. He turns away and I use my hand to turn him back towards me. He puts his hand over mine and squeezes. I smile weakly and move my thumb over his cheekbone.

"I'm sorry Harry" I croak out, "but I might be okay". He pulls me in and buries his chin into the top of my head.

"Everything is going to be fine, he says,
"the doctor says that they are going to do some tests to find out what type of infection it is and if they can treat it with antibiotics. If they can, you're going to get better. If they can't it's going to be okay and they'll find a way. You're going to be okay. The doctor is going to have you get your blood drawn so that they have a better idea of what they're doing and then he said that we can just go live in the apartment now".

"They're only saying that so that I can be comfortable while I die" I tell him.

"That is not true," he says, "you aren't going to die." I don't believe him but I don't have any energy left. I fall asleep once again.

I wake up a good 4 hours later and the doctor is ready to draw my blood. I shift in Harry's arms so that the doctor can get to my vein.

I fall back asleep while it's happening due to the fact that it's taking a long time. When the doctor is done he helps me put a mask on and gives one to Harry to wear. Harry puts his on and gathers our phones, everything else we can't bring because of the germs.

The nurses help me into a wheelchair and Harry pushes me out the door. We head down the ramps and outside to the apartment complex that is connected to the Ronald McDonald House. Harry pulls out a keycard that the nurse gave him and unlocks the door.

The inside looks like a completely normal hotel room and the only difference is the large button near the bed that reads EMERGENCY .

Harry sets our phones on the counter and comes to my front. He takes his mask off and takes mine as well.

"Would you like to try to walk?" He asks. I nod and he helps me to my feet. I all of the sudden have a burst of energy and am able to walk to the bed by myself.

Later that night Harry holds me close but I can't help feeling guilty about eating even if I wasn't really eating. I peek to make sure he's sleeping and I tiptoe over to the bathroom which I assume has a scale.

I was correct and I step onto it and read the number. 80.6. I feel an overwhelming sense of panic and I feel almost like I can't breathe. I feel Harry's strong arms wrap around me and I collapse uncontrollably into him. He turns me to face him and he looks at my eyes. I try to look away but he gently draws my face back to him.

"What were you doing?" He asks.

"Nothing" I lie. He makes a face at me and I know I have to tell him the truth. "I wanted to see how much weight I've gained back because I'm afraid of gaining it again."

"I'm sorry" he says. He knows that he won't be able to reason with me and it's three AM right now anyways. He picks me up and gently carries me back to bed.

The next morning I wake up to find Harry with a laptop working on school. I find the strength and am able to sit myself up.

"Good morning" I say as he turns. His hair is wet meaning that he must have taken a shower earlier.

"Good morning Gracie" he says walking to my side and leaning down to pick me up. He succeeds and brings me over to the desk, putting me in one of the chairs.

"We still have to finish school but I worked it out so that we both have self paced curriculum for the rest of the year. I checked and it's pretty easy so I think we could knock out half of all of it over the course of today. The doctor came by to check on you and he said that you can probably start doing school again in short spurts of time." He says.

"Okay" I start, "but I want to take a shower first. I think that I can do it by myself today. I'm feeling up to it."

"Okay I'll stay in the bathroom with you Incase something happens" he says. I nod and stand to walk to the bathroom. Harry follows close behind me and stops at the door.

"Just tell me once your in so that I can be in here if you need anything" he says. I nod and go into the bathroom. I get in the shower no problem and I call out to him and let him know that he can come in.

He says nothing as I take my shower. When I'm done I ask, "Can you hand me my towel?"

Harry hands me the towel and I wrap up in it. I move the shower curtain back and reach for Harry's hand for stability. Harry leaves for a moment and comes back with my stack of clothes for the day. He gently sets them on the counter and leaves leaving the door open a crack so that he can help if he needs to. I get dressed and come out of the bathroom.

Harry smiles at me and picks me up. He looks at me and then gives me a little kiss. I kiss him back and he smiles on my cheek. He brings me over to the bed and sets me down. He goes over to the phone and pushes a few buttons.

"Hi this is Harry I'm room 217, Grace is awake. ...... "Okay, Thank you!" He says as he puts the phone down. "The doctor has your results so he's going to come over and talk to us about your options."

"Okay" I croak out in the verge of tears.

"Hey listen to me," He says reaching down to me. I stand up to meet him and he pulls me into him. "Everything is going to be okay." He says.

I stand there holding onto him and we here a knock at the door. Harry walks over to open it and I sit back down on the bed.

"Good morning Grace," the doctor says as he walks in, "I'm sure your very anxiety to hear what I have to say so I'll get right to the point. Your infection is in your stomach from the feeding tube. It is an infection that can be treated if it's treated sooner rather than later. This is a good thing except for the fact that we need to be able to give you a new feeding tube surgically as soon as possible in order to try to give your body more energy. So your options are to do the antibiotics first or to do the surgery first, but both sides have consequences. This decision is completely up to you" he says.

"I'm going to need to check your vitals now and then you need to decide on the next hour after I leave What your decision is." He says. He finishes checking all my vitals and leaves the room.