Optimistic nihilism

Red

When she wakes up, she remembers.

Heejin was a firenation noble and soldier in highest decree but she payed the price.

Her life was filled with countless invasions and destruction of villages. She was a fire bending prodigy maybe to not to the extension Azula was however, she was recognised and fought many battles at her young age.

She's killed many at 14 years old and she's apathetic to the point where she doesn't sleep at night. The war ate her inside until their was nothing left of her.

Living a life as she did gave way to a stress related illness. Her blood pressure was too high, and her body couldn't take it anymore. It hurts knowing you're going to die young and everyone one you know is still relatively healthy. Regardless, she's a firebender and she will rise up again.

After the war was over she lived in the northern water tribe as part of the effort to ease relations between the nations.

They were weary of course which is natural when you try to kill someone, but over time she gained their trust and won their friendship.

So, on her 26th birthday and 12 years of straight therapy, she's on her death bed. With only her brother, the only person who cares about her.

"Brother." She rasps, her throat hurts and she feels like she's going to fall asleep but she knows it's more than that. "I'll miss you."

She dies.

Kind off.

The searing pain is gone to my bright lights and red hair.

"Congratulations hokage-sama it's a healthy baby girl!" Theres a lady smiling at her. What? The man with bright yellow hair-blonde is moved away and she's moved to somebody else's arms.

"Namikaze Heejin, say hi to kaa-chan for me!"

She see's a woman with bright red hair and who's apparently her mother now.

Yeah, she's going to need a while to adjust, so she sleeps.

.

.

.

.

4 years later, on October 30th now Uzumaki Heejin , with gold eyes never seen before and red hair as bright as a uncontrollable fire is in the orphanages attic, she hasn't eaten since yesterday and she's hungry. There's only about 5 minutes until she can sneak out again. The last 4 years have been consisted of falling asleep most of the time and glimpses of the orphanage ladies, and midnight adventures.

She has her hair tied up fire nation style with an elastic band, and a pale red top with a white swirl at the back. The top has shoulder pads with a triangle piece cloth coming down. Her trousers are long, unfitting- not the way you expect to grow into, but just too wide at the ankles, there are also the same shade of red.  (She's wearing exactly what Ty-Lee used to wear when they were teenagers before becoming a Kyoshi warrior.)

The celebration of the Yondaime's sacrifice has just ended, which also means her self-isolation has ended.

From what Heejin can tell, she's been reincarnated, and everyone hates her for some reason. Her therapist said that as long as she is making an effort to forgive herself for what she's done she's improving but that surely she's done nothing wrong in this life. She's stopped trying to be nice and remained neutral for a while now and whatever it is everyone must be in on it because there's no one, no one who's shown her an ounce of respect. Maybe it's karma and there is no reason but she knows that simply not logical.