A Different Perspective

Chapter 5: Breathe

TW: Panic attack and intrusive facts.

Janus' PoV

A heavy weight is what I awake to after perhaps the most uncomfortable nap I have taken since Remus forced me to sleep on a bed of nails. The things I let him talk me into. I could have seriously gotten hurt! Though making Remus upset by denying him anything would be horrible. What if he started hating me? Or he got even more upset and tried to kill himself again. What if he succeeded!? A rush of thoughts fly through my head quickly and it takes me a moment to realize that isn't normal.

I crack an eye open and drag my gaze across the unlit room, seeing nothing except the heat lamps that cover Shesha's terrarium. My only companion who will understand the struggles of being cold-blooded...

I hear the door to Remus' room open and his footsteps walk toward the kitchen. I'm so glad Patton helped me remove the knives last month. At least... they SHOULD all be gone. We did remove them all... right?

Suddenly I'm panicking and my breathing gets heavier as I realize I can't seem to get air in. My panic over Remus' safety seems to become a knife itself as it tears into my web of this week's lies as easily as a fish swims through water. The web comes crashing down and suddenly all the things I could worry about seem to dislodge themselves and come rushing to the front of my mind all at once. Thomas. I know he hasn't eaten today. And everyone is ignoring eachother. I know I usually don't bother with everyone else, but we can't keep operating like this! We are destroying our host instead of helping him! Why can't we all just talk this out...

I start feeling light headed and as my vision slowly starts disappearing I start curling into myself, hoping that the comforting feeling of coiling into a ball will calm me enough to BREATHE. I need oxygen damnit.

Distantly, somewhere so far away I almost think I'm imagining it, I here a door slam open and the cool air of the hallway sweep through my normally sweltering room. Footsteps and my bed suddenly sinks under a person's bodyweight. I feel a large, soft hand on my back and immediately realize this isn't Remus, the calluses are in different places. I flinch and my breath stutters a bit until my brain clicks and I realize this hand means me no harm. At that I lean into the body behind me until they move their hand to my chest and continue rubbing calming circles there. The stimulation on my chest makes it easier for my brain to realize that I need to let air OUT before I can take anymore in.

I do and as I inhale the cotton in my ears seems to slowly disappear and I hear a low voice counting slowly to eight over and over again. So, I follow that calming voice to track my breathing until I feel my tense muscles practically melt into the person behind me.

"There we go Janus. Almost there, you're doing great." The rumbling from the chest slightly above me clicks and I finally recognize the voice as Virgil. I feel so heavy after that attack and simply whimper in response, a sound I haven't made in over a decade that apparently shocks somebody as I hear a soft gasp from the door. I turn towards the sound and let my human eye adjust to the light as I flick my second, translucent eyelid over my snake eye.

Upon adjusting to the blinding light from the doorway I feel my eyebrows furrow in  confusion. There stands Patton, Remus, and Logan with their outfit's colors all swapped. I blink again and, lo and behold, it's not just my snake eye confusing me, they really have all swapped colors.

I slowly push myself up in bed, feeling Virgil's hands assist me up.

"What are you guys wearing?" I rasp out, my throat sore from choking on my own spit during my panic. I watch Patton grin, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Did you know that the average person grows 138 feet of hair a day? Also, a cockroach can live off the toothpaste residue on a toothbrush used only once for 7 days. Your bones are wet. Remus says we all swapped purposes. And *giggle* the man who created the frisbee was creamated and turned into a frisbee. And did you kn-" Patton practically vomited the words out as quickly as possible, not even breathing, before Remus slapped his hand over Patton's mouth and Logan visibly cringed.

"Uh..." I said dumbly before turning to Logan with a raised eyebrow, expecting an explanation. Remus, however, responded to me instead:

"It would seem, as Patton BRIEFLY mentioned, we have all swapped purposes due to whatever that pink wall did earlier." He nods towards my clothing since his hands are currently occupied with Patton "You are currently anxiety I believe."

At this I look downwards and see the normal yellow accents of my clothing have turned violet.

"Oh... wait, pink wall?" I ask, looking back up. Logan nods quickly.

"Yeah! This pink wall came and passed through my room. It made me feel really fuzzy and stuff. Hyper too, but oh well. Hey, would you like a glass of water Janus? Your voice sounds rough and has to hurt right now..." Logan paused and before I could even reply he smiled at me and turned towards the kitchen, presumably to get me water, with a bounce in his step that I never thought Logan would possess.

The room was quiet as everyone seemed to be processing the situation while waiting for Logan. Except perhaps Patton who had somehow managed to climb ontop of my door and was now hanging from it upside down.

During the wait I examined my new purpose. It felt weird, like a weighted blanket was wrapped around my shoulders and lungs. It was heavy enough that I understood why Virgil always slouched.

Logan returned with the water and I smiled gratefully as I took a sip. At this point a scream echoed from the other end of the hall. Shit we forgot about Roman.