"Nobody hates you more than your own reflection"
Divine's Pov-
"Soo wassup with you and that one foo you kicked it with ?" Asked Vanessa
I blushed and smiled at the thought of him.I told her everything that happened and she was really happy for me.
I was walking home from school and was so glad it was another Friday.
I was kinda dissapointed though,Marco hasn't hit me up in three days !
I'm worried.
I got home and saw my mom counting stacks of money,some of the money is money my uncles give her for her part of keeping the hood active and the other part is from her "job"
My mom is a bartender,but I wouldn't say it's a real job though.
I remember one time when I was ten she came at three in the morning,an hour late than usual.I was awake waiting for her and she showed me a bunch of hundred dollar bills rolled. She had $5000 and told me
"Some guy said if I have sex with him in his car,he would give me $5000 and I did sleep with him"
"I did it for you"
I was lost for words,I didn't know what to say.I felt like everything was my fault.I mean she got pregnat at such a young age.She never finished highschool and couldn't work.And now here she is doing things she doesn't wanna do,but has to do just because i'm here.
"Your uncles came through" she said still counting the money
"And what did they say ?" I asked
"Nothing they just dropped off the money"
My mom was finished counting the money and took out her crack pipe. Honestly I thought my mom was done hitting the pookie,but I was wrong
"Really mom ?" I shouted at her
"What ?" She said through gritted teeth
"Why do you still do that shit ?!"
"Shut the fuck up no one tells you anything about all the guys you probaly fuck everytime you go out"
"I aint no skonka okay !"
She stood up and looked at me with so much anger.To tell you the truth I wasn't scared,my mom and I have thrown blows before.
"Shut up Divine ! Just go with your fucking worthless vato that doesn't give two fucks about you or your dead kid"
The fact that my brought up Eric and my kid really got to me.She knows it's a touchy topic for me.
"You always gotta bring that up ! I never bring shit up from your past so why you gotta do that shit to me" I said with my voice shaky
My mom didn't even say anything she just pointed at the door informing me to leave.I walked to my room and dumped all my schoolwork on the bed and put some clothes in my bag.
I walked out the door and began walking to Vanessa's.I fucking love Vanessa,she's always there for me when me and my mom argue and she knows just how to cheer me up.
While I was walking to Vanessas I sat down on a park bench for a little bit. I was just thinking about what my mom said about Eric and our kid.
I went through bad depression after my miscarriage,I tried killing myself and I didn't go out for months.I stayed in bed all day and night.I just started thinking about everything else that went bad in my life.
I always wonder why my mom is the way she is why she chooses to do the things she does.
You know I always wondered how my life would be like if my dad was still around. Maybe my mom would be a better mom and the three of us probaly would've had a great relationship.
Or maybe it would be the opposite, maybe they would both hate me,but then again they both do.My mom treats my like shit and i'm her only kid and i'm pretty sure i'm the reason why my dad left us in the first place.
If he was gonna complain about me he should've told my mom to abort me,he would've done all of us a favor.
I even wonder how my life would've been like if Jr. was born.I wonder how we would like and I wonder if he would've loved me as much as I love him.Maybe my life would've turned it differently with Jr. around.
Maybe Eric would've realized he was wrong and would wanna be in our son's life.
I'm silently weeping by now,but I don't even notice because i'm so lost in my dark thoughts.
"Divine ?" Says a familiar voice that I don't think i'll ever get tired of hearing
I look up and see Marco,After not seeing him for a whole week and not hearing from him for three days i'm so glad to see him.But my face just stays emotionless
"Why are you crying ?" He asks soundimg so caring
"I-I-It's nothing it's j-just some school stuff y-you know i-i'm failing and i'm stressed t-that's all" I say as I keep stuttering and my voice cracks
"I'm not stupid Divine tell me" he grabs my arm and starts rubbing hand with his thumb in a circular motion.
I wanna tell him,but I can't he's gonna judge me and it's just gonna ruin everything.
"I'm fine really"
"Divine I wanna help you"
He sounded just like my old psychiatrist, she would always try to get shit out of me and I hated it !
But then again this isn't my psychiatrist,it's Marco.I look at him then look at my lap.
"No Divine don't do it,remember what I told you he only wants one thing he doesn't give two fucks about you he's just gonna do you dirty like Eric" I kept telling myself in my head
"No you don't" I say looking at him while shaking my head at him with more tears falling out.
"Please le-"
I didn't even let him finish,I stood up and told him "Marco it's nothing just drop it it's none of your bussiness anyways it's my bussiness stop being so damn nosey okay ! You don't care about me and you never fucking will you're just gonna leave like the rest of the fucking people that promised me they wouldn't leave so just drop the act"
I semi-yelled.Call me a bitch or mean I don't care i'm only protecting myself.
I was crying even more,I was letting out so many tears that i've heen holding all week. I thought Marco would've gotten mad and leave,but instead he got up and hugged me so tight.
No one ever hugged me this tight,not even Eric.The fact that he didn't leave when I said all that shit to him made me think alittle.
Why didn't he leave ?
Why did he stay ?
Why didn't he say anything back ?
Why does he have to be so sweet and caring ?
He kept hugging me and I was just crying on his chest.I felt so safe,I didn't wanna leave his arms anytime soon.
What are you doing to me Marco Archer ?
(A/N) Sorry I took SO long to update ! Anyways please vote,comment,and add to your library :) and follow I follow back
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