The Tiger's Eye

Therapy session

Lynn's POV
      I followed mike into Harry's office and shook Harry's hand as he smiled "Nice to see you again Lynn, how've you been?" I replied honestly "Still pretty shitty, I'm antsy I want to get back out there" he motioned to the chair to my right "Please sit" I followed the suggestion and looked at my hands Harry asked "Mike, Lock the door please. I don't want any intrusions" Mike stood and walked over, I listened as the door clicked locked Mike took a seat next to me as Harry stood and walked over to a file cabinet, I watched silently, my mind keeping track of every sound and movement in the room while my eyes tracked Harry. He walked back and handed me a file, I looked at him in question as he spoke "have a look" I opened the file and saw pictures and target profile "So these are the bastards responsible for my friends deaths?" Harry answered "We believe so, they're the most prominent mask officers we've observed in the area the ambush occurred from" I looked up and asked "when can I go after them?" Mike replied swiftly "temper the anger, you're still on break"
Harry asked "If you'd indulge me, I'd like to ask you some questions" I asked dumbly "sir, why would I need to indulge you? You could just order me to answer the question" he replied simply "it's not the same as if you willingly answer, you'll be more likely to answer honestly" I nodded as Harry asked "What did you feel when the last two members of your team were killed?" I felt my grip on the chair's arms tighten as I replied "I was scared at first, terrified, I didn't want to die. I couldn't die in some random jungle in the middle of fucking no where!" Harry scribbled down some noted before he asked "As you continued your escape, what did you feel?" I replied angrily "I was pissed, I was going to kill as many of those rats as I could before I died. I didn't want to get exfilled anymore I wanted to kill that entire mask platoon. They took my friends, they took my brothers and they were going to eat shit and die the moment I got found" he continued to write down some notes before he asked "what do you want now?"
       I replied with certainty "I want to kill, I want to kill the masks until I die. I'll keep going until the masks become nothing more than a memory" Harry asked while writing "Are you afraid of death?" I replied simply "No sir, I'm only afraid of dying without taking any masks with me. I'll be pissed if I die before taking a mask with me" he continued "How do you feel currently?" I asked in return "Honestly?" He nodded as I replied "I think this is waste of time sir, I think this time would be much better spent on a helicopter heading towards the mask's locations so I can get some" Mike sternly spoke "Lynn" as Harry stopped him "let him speak freely" before he asked another question "what about emotionally? How do you feel?" I paused before speaking "Empty, all I feel is hatred and anger. I'm pissed all the time, I hate the masks so much all I can think about is getting my hands on their necks. I'm so angry at the fact I survived while my team perished, I should've died there with my team like the person I was did." Harry spoke once more "Tell me honestly, everything you feel right now"
I sighed and answered "I want to cry and scream and punch something, I'm horrified that I'm alone, I'm furious that I couldn't save them, I'm pissed at myself because I'm not the same, I scared that I'm in love and I hate the fact I am" Harry zeroed in on that "So you're in love, do you ever worry about dying and leaving her?" I nodded before replying "it's better if I can be alone, she won't be hurt as much. I'll be like a ripple in a pond, I'll hit the edge and disappear" Mike huffed as Harry spoke in a questioning tone "so you want to isolate yourself to protect your love ones from your death" I nodded as Harry asked "do you mind tell me who you're in love with?" I hesitated before answering honestly "Meghan, it's Meghan" Harry mused in knowing "you know she loves you very much, she sounded worried when she asked me to allow you to move in with her so she can keep an eye on you" I looked down as I muttered "I wish she didn't, it'd make my dipshit plan easier to execute" Harry asked simply "what's your quote unquote dipshit plan?"
I looked over as Mike looked on with his signature grumpy disappointed facial expression and replied "I'm going to kill every mask until they either kill me or I kill each one of them. I'm going to hunt them down with a relentlessness only matched by a lighting strike. I'm going to tear them apart" Mike asked "and what's your escape plan?" I looked over and asked "escape plan?" He looked surprised "you actually want to go until you die, holy shite" Harry asked another question "let's backtrack to your love for Meghan, do you think she'd be happy with the path you're walking?" I stared on and replied "no, I know she wouldn't" he asked "why not?" I replied with sadness slipping into my voice "she cares too much to let me destroy myself on this hunt" he asked another question "then why do it? If you know it'll cause harm to someone you love why do it?" I replied mournfully "Because someone needs to make them pay! They took my fucking brothers and I'm going to get back every fucking cent my brothers are owed! They shouldn't of fucking died there!"
Mike barked sharply "Lynn! Calm the fuck down!" As Harry spoke "no, let him go" I continued "My team shouldn't have fucking died like that! They shouldn't of died in some fucking jungle! They were the best our class had and they died in 1 minute! Those fucking rats deserve to burn in hell for what they did! I need to avenge my brothers, I need to make it up to them! I should've died there with them..... I should've died there" Mike looked shocked at the revelation while Harry asked gently "Do you feel guilty about surviving?" I felt my head nod as I stared at the desk "why am I here? Why did everyone on my team die except me? Why am I doomed to this hell?" Harry answered simply "I don't know, I wish I had an answer I can give you" Mike spoke "Lad, I don't know what you're feeling but all I can do is suggest let Meghan help you. She wants to, trust me she was asking me and Harry how she could help." I looked up and felt my lip quiver "I don't want her to get hurt.... everyone close to me gets hurt" Mike answered bluntly "That's not your call to make, only Meghan gets to call if she exposes herself to the potential"
I looked down as Harry spoke "give her the chance, she wants it almost as much as you want to kill the masks." I looked at him and asked "why are you telling me this?" He answered simply "I'm the director, it's my job to take care of my operators. You have the most recent intel and I don't want to lose that experience. I don't want to lose any operators, it's especially painful when I lose multiple in a single swoop. I was almost crying when Meghan told me your team took a hard hit, I was expecting a couple survivors but instead Meghan told me you were the last one. I blame myself for the mission, I shouldn't of approved it" I looked at my feet as my vision turned blurry, I watched the tear drop as my pain surfaced. I tried to bury it again but I couldn't, Mike noticed it "Go ahead, don't try to stuff it down. You can't keep it all bottled up or you'll explode, keep your heart honest. There's no point in hiding it" I started crying as Harry suggested "Maybe we should finish this up tomorrow"
     I shrugged as Mike spoke "Stand up mate, let's get you back to your dorm" I slowly stood as Harry spoke "Oh and Lynn, I'm transferring you to Mike's team. You're gonna work with Erik, Mike, Yumiko and Elias" I nodded silently before I stopped infront of the door and turned "thank you for listening sir" he replied "It's my pleasure" I followed Mike into the hallway and we slowly shambled back to my dorm before he stopped and gave me a tight hug "I know you're missing them, it's okay. It's alright to miss them, just remember why you keep fighting. You can't avenge them if you die" I nodded as he released the hug and asked "so what are you going to do?" I replied like a child who got told to get his hands out of the cookie jar "I'm going to confess to Meghan, and I'm going to try temper my aggression." Mike nodded proudly "good, don't forget you're part of my team now. We play as a team, none of this lone Wolf punisher shite, got it?" I nodded and replied quietly "yes sir, I'll bring my A game on missions"
      He nodded and ran his fingers through his mutton chops "good, now let's get you back before your girly gets too worried about you" I didn't reply as we started walking again until I saw the dorm. We walked to it before Mike stopped me and knocked on the door, a disheveled looking Meghan appear a couple seconds later she looked happy when she saw me "what took you so long?" My brow scrunched "what do you mean? I was only gone for like, 20 minutes?" She replied with a shake of her head "you were gone for an hour and a half" I recoiled "seriously? That long? I swear it only felt like 20 minutes" Mike checked his watch "no she's right, an hour and a half later" I sighed as Mike spoke "I'll leave you to it, be at training tomorrow at 07:30" I nodded as I asked "hey Meg, can I talk to you in private for a second?" She stepped into the hallway and closed the door "yeah, what's up?" I tried to think of how to say it until I blurted out "I love you" before clapping my hands over my mouth as my eyes widened in horror.
      She sighed in resignation or relief I couldn't tell until she spoke "Oh thank god, I thought you'd never say that. I was starting to think you didn't care" I rubbed the back of my head nervously "I was trying not to, I thought it'd make dying easier." She sighed and spoke sternly "No dying, got it?" I nodded giving a small salute "yes ma'am, how about after the training Mike wants to do we go out to that coffee shop you were talking about?" She nodded happily before speaking as we walked into the dorm "so what did Harry want?" I replied simply "therapy, oh I got my new team" she looked at me interested "Oh? Who was lucky enough to get you?" I replied with a small faint smirk "Mike, I think they were trying to decide between you and Mike and they picked Mike since we're both supporting operators" she sighed and plopped down on my bed and dramatically whined "that sucks, I wanted to have you on my team. We could've made such a bad ass duo" I chuckled as I sat down "yeah, I'm running with Erik now." She challenged me "so Army vs Navy, I bet I'll bag more Masks than you" I looked at her and replied "you're playing a dangerous game" as I laid down and spoke "I'm taking a nap, I'm so tired" she nodded and scooted closer "I am too" I asked mumbling into my pillow "too tired to go to your own bed?" She nodded as I shrugged and went to sleep.