Always

Chapter 1

"Always"

The word broke through the veil of subconsciousness and implanted itself in my mind.

Screaming, I bolted upright and wildly searched the room. It was nearly impossible to see; the darkness hung thick in the air.

Leaning to the left, I flicked on the bedside lamp, and looked around once more.

The room was empty. I put a hand to my mouth, trying to stifle the remains of my screaming.

I wedged my head between my knees and let out a quiet sob. I sat there for a moment, taking in the deafening silence that was slowly but surely crushing me. It was the first time I had dreamt of him since it happened, the first time in two months.

Raising my head again, I pushed my long and tangled hair back and let out a shaky sigh.

I glanced at the small electronic clock on the nightstand. It read 2:30. I let my legs fall back down and stared at my stomach.

Tentatively, I placed a wavering hand on my lower abdomen. I gently traced the contours, and felt the small bump that was Peeta's child.

A soft knock on the door startled me out of my haze. The door opened a crack.

"Katniss?" asked a hushed voice.

I couldn't seem to open my mouth to reply.

The door opened further, and I saw a small and hunched figure in the doorframe.

"Katniss, it's just me. Annie. It's okay."

I exhaled in relief and she tiptoed over to the bed. She sat down beside me and the springs groaned in response. Placing a comforting hand on my back, she leaned her head onto my shoulder.

"Do you want to talk now, or do you need a minute?" she questioned gently.

I leaned into her and took her hand.

"I dreamed about him. For the first time since..." I couldn't finish my thought. Her soft hand continued to make circles on my back as I felt my face fall.

"It's the same dream I had after it happened. No matter how many times I have this dream, I can't change it. I can never get to him in time, can never shout loud enough to tell him to come back, to get him to stay with me."

Her big eyes stared into mine and she took both my hands into hers.

"I hope you know it was not your fault."

This is what everyone has said.

"But I could've saved him! I was right there, I -"

"Katniss, there was nothing you could do. This was entirely Snow's doing, and he had the whole Capital prepped for Peeta."

I stared at her blankly, not comprehending.

"I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to live without him. I can't." I explained.

She sighed a long and sad sigh.

"We've both lost someone we love, Katniss. The only ones we had left. When I lost Finnick, I thought I would die. I wanted to die. But you helped me through it, you and Peeta guided the way. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you. You have so much left to live for. You're so young, so ready to take on the world. And the baby. You wouldn't end its life, would you? How could you do that to the one thing that is left of Peeta?"

I looked gazed down upon the small bump. I didn't know how to reply to her at first.

"I know I need to stay alive for the baby's sake; I just don't know how. I feel like nothing is right. There's no justice in the world, and there never was. His death wasn't worth anything, the children were bombed anyway." I added.

I fidgeted with the tassels on the pillow as I felt more tears well up.

"It's not his death that you should be measuring for worth, it should be his life. He brought joy to everyone he was near, he brought you out of your shell, he even softened Haymitch. It's not his death you should remember, but his life. Think about that." she finished.

She caressed my face and brushed my hair from my forehead. Softly, she planted a kiss on my forehead and slid off the bed. She padded towards the door.

"Goodnight Katniss. Remember that we are always here for you."

She gave one more worried glance before turning off the light.