Flowers//Elavan

~20~

"Oh my god, that's my daughter. I have a daughter," Liz chants over and over again as she paced around the small room.

She couldn't believe Avan would drop it on her so casually. She was expecting him to break it to her slowly and explain things, but instead, he just shows her a video of their wedding to let her see their child.

Avan watched her walk back and forth between her bed and the door. He was anxiously waiting for her to react in some other way than just pure shock. His palms started sweating and he shifts uncomfortably in his seat as he closed their wedding video. His leg starts to shake with anticipation as Liz's hands flew up to her hair.

He was anxious to see how she was gonna take on this situation. Avan didn't think he would be able to take it if she would be angry at him again, not when Mia's birthday was so near. His mind spirals around thoughts of her screaming at him again, or even worse, those sharp blue eyes that would stare into his soul and dig out all the deep, dark secrets he kept.

Maybe he shouldn't have told her yet, or at least not like this. Perhaps there was an alternative way of breaking it to her more gently than just showing her a video of their baby as a one-year-old.

"Avan, you didn't tell me we had a kid," she looked at him with wide eyes that held back so many tears.

Avan looked into her eyes and saw no trace of anger. He breathed out a sigh of relief at that before gently holding both of her hands.

"I didn't," he nods. "And I'm sorry but I was planning to tell you soon, Liz, I promise."

"Oh god," she shuts her eyes tight as a single tear rolls down her porcelain cheek.

Liz didn't know how she felt about this situation. Without doubt, she was happy that she had an offspring of her own and that she was able to give her the name that she always wanted to. Yet, she felt a sense of shame ebb in her like waves of wrongdoing kissing the shores of her soul again and again.

She had a daughter and she couldn't even remember the poor thing. Her daughter must be longing for her with the eternity she has been away from home. She was supposed to be taking care of her baby girl and here she was, doing whatever the hell it was she was doing in the institute.

"Hey, hey," he coos gently. "Look at me, Liz."

She forces herself to open her eyes, trying to get away from the twister of guilt that she was feeling.

"How do you feel, hm? Talk to me," he softly instructs. "Are you overwhelmed?"

"Yes," she croaks.

"I understand," he sits her down on her bed and crouches down slightly to meet her blue eyes. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I just...I don't know," she sniffles. "She's so beautiful and I know that I love her so much already but-"

She cuts herself off with a small sob.

Avan opens a bottle of water and presses it against her lips, urging her to drink. He soothingly rubs circles on her back.

"I feel so guilty," she whispers.

"Honey, why?"

"She's my daughter, Avan. I'm supposed to be there for her every step of the way and here I am wilting away in this hell hole," she huffs, calming down a little bit. "She came from me so you would think she'd be the first thing I should have remembered but I don't even know a single thing about her."

Avan nods in understanding and sits beside her, wrapping her in his arms. She snuggles into his side, seeking the comfort that she needed.

"Well, her full name is Amelia Simone Gillies-Jogia, like I said," he starts off. "She's turning five next week, Tuesday. She really wants to see you. And if it's okay with you, I'd like to bring her here on that day."

"Okay," she nods shortly.

He catches a glimpse of the wall clock and swallows back a groan.

"Hey, love," he softly whispers, hoping that he wouldn't pressure her by using an endearment. "Listen, I have to go back to work but if you want, I can leave my laptop here and you scan through Mia's pictures to see if that does anything."

She looks up at him, "We call her Mia?"

"Yeah," he nods with a distant smile on his lips, his mind wandering off to their little girl. "She couldn't say her name properly so she'd say A-mia, and it kind of just stuck."

"I-I think I'd like to go through her pictures."

"Okay," he grins at her and opens his laptop to the folder with all of Mia's pictures.

Avan walks towards the door then looks back at her, "Liz, I love you."

She smiles and nods, "I know."

With that, Avan walks out of her room, leaving Liz alone with the many pictures of her daughter that she didn't even remember she had. Shakily, she scrolls through them one by one, starting with a picture of a sonogram against a protruding belly, which she assumed was hers.

She stares lovingly at the picture that showed her in a beautiful spring dress, holding the sonogram to her belly, as Avan kneeled beside her with his nose nuzzling her baby bump affectionately.

Scrolling to the next picture, she saw a picture of herself holding newborn baby Amelia in her arms. She looked exhausted yet she glowed with the joy of new motherhood. The look in her eyes were of nothing but the rawest form of love as she looked at the bundle of white in her arms and the small pink face in its midst.

Suddenly, it comes back to her like a brick has just been thrown at her head. Memories of the day she gave birth to Amelia flashed in her mind like delusions of grandeur. Except these were no delusions, they were real.

The contractions that felt like someone was simultaneously stabbing and twisting her insides. The terrifyingly huge needle that they had to use for the epidural. The pushing, the screaming, and the chaos that all lead to a blissful peace when Amelia's beautiful cry pierced through the air, making her presence known to the entire biosphere.

She remembers the joyful tears that she cried as they laid Mia's small body on her chest and the beautiful sound of her newborn crying filled her ears like a strong and persistent wail of victory. The way her heart turned into goo as she saw that Avan was crying as well and he couldn't stop staring at her and their new baby even after she had fallen asleep. Avan told her that day that he didn't think he could ever be happier in his whole life.

She remembers thinking so highly of herself for creating something as beautiful as what she held in her arms, but humbled by the fact that she got to mother the small hint of life. She could perfectly recall and encapsulate in her mind the irrepressible amount of love she had for her daughter— the feeling of being able to willingly give your life for someone. She remembers feeling like she would hang the moon and all the stars in the sky over her Amelia's head just to satisfy her.

Her heart that she thought had too much love suddenly didn't have enough to fill the amount of love she thought her daughter deserved. On that day, she swore that everyday she would love her baby more and more each passing day because that was what Mia deserved and more.

And the first thing she ever told her daughter when she cane into this world, she remembered and would never forget again.

"It's okay, Amelia. Mommy's here, always just here."
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i have a deep fascination for motherhood if you couldn't already tell HAHA

Hope you enjoyed this. Don't be afraid to comment down your thoughts! Lots of love! Be kind, y'all!