As it turns out, loving somebody in silence was easier said than done. He had so much love for her and it would spill out of the brim once in a while. It was difficult, more difficult than anything that he has ever done before, because all he wanted to do was shower her with all the love she deserved. But he couldn't do that, it would scare her off and there was nothing less he wanted than to scare her off and make her close up towards him.
So Avan kept his affections to himself. All he wanted to do was hold her in his arms and cry to her about how hard life has been, kiss her softly on the lips and have her tell him that everything was going to be just fine. There were days when he physically had to stop himself from running a hand through her soft curls and peppering kisses around her face like how she used to do to him when he came back from work with slumped shoulders.
Before Mia, she always used to be the first to greet him when he walked into the door. Liz always seemed to know if there was something wrong with him, usually it was because one of his beloved patients pass away. She would straddle him and wrap him up in all her love, telling him that he wasn't God and that he had done everything to improve his patient's life quality while they were alive.
"I promise that when your days are long, I will be there to remind you that the night is young and it will only get better," she had vowed all those years ago.
Where was that promise now? Avan knew he was being unfair. He couldn't blame her for something that wasn't even her fault but like every human, he needed something to blame this whole situation on. Eventually, he settles on blaming himself.
"Won again," she smirks smugly, cracking her knuckles like thumb wars were the most exhausting thing in the world.
"Yeah because I let you," he stuck out his tongue to her.
"You just don't have dexterous thumbs."
He wanted to snidely remark about how dexterous his thumbs are and how there have been countless times where his thumb brought her waves of pleasure, pushed her from orgasm to orgasm, but he bit his tongue. She didn't need to hear that, not now.
"Anyone ever tell you you look a lot like Aladdin?" she blurts out of nowhere, staring intently at his face and tracing the outline with her pointer finger.
Avan closes his eyes for a second and reveled in her soft touch. It's been a while since she even laid a finger on him.
"You have," he chuckles. "Too many times to count."
"Well, pre-amnesia me knew what she was saying," she laughed, her cheekbones lifting up slightly and her eyes glinting with joy.
He has the way she laughed memorized in his mind by now but that didn't mean he wouldn't draw her in his heart all over again each time she did.
"You look like snow white," he replies. "Especially back when you dyed your hair black."
"Oh, how wonderful!" she exclaims dramatically in that Judy Garland voice that used to annoy the hell out of him.
Avan's mouth dropped open and he shook his head, vibrating with laughter. He didn't think the day would come where he would say he missed that voice but here he was.
"You're silly," he pinched her cheek playfully, wishing he could have jumped and kissed her instead.
She swats his hand away in the same jocular manner and giggles at his feigned offended expression.
Liz liked Avan. She didn't know why and whether or not it was a platonic or romantic attraction, but she had the tendency to yearn for him when he wasn't around.
"I'm pretty sure my boyfriend wouldn't like it if you touched me like that," she quipped.
Avan fell silent at her words. Did she finally remember?
"Who-who exactly do you think your boyfriend is, Liz?"
She shrugs, "I was kidding. I don't even remember if I have one."
He found himself breathing out a sigh of relief.
Liz found that strange. She got the feeling that he was hiding something from her. Then again, she had amnesia so he could just be keeping unwanted memories of their friendship to himself. She didn't know for certain that he was being secretive.
"Av, if you really want me to remember," she licks her lips in hesitation. "I read in the library that stimulating memories through senses could help."
Avan nods at that. He's been doing that for quite a while now subtly through the food he brought her. So far it hasn't worked yet but he would keep trying.
Or maybe it was okay that she didn't remember. They could start again from scratch. He was conflicted.
"Alright," he goofily smiles at her. "Tell me, does the name Amelia ring a bell?"
He wasn't expecting an answer from her. It was just a joke.
Liz smiles to herself, "It's a beautiful name. I wanted to change my name to that for a couple years when I was young. Of course, my parents never let me. But someday, when I have a daughter, she's going to be named Amelia and I know she's going to be the most beautiful little Amelia this world will ever know."
Warm tears start to brim in Avan's chocolate eyes. He didn't know that story because she never told him. All he knew was that she found it beautiful.
Hearing her talk about wanting to have a daughter did things to his heart. It ripped his heart right out of his chest knowing she couldn't remember what she treasured most in this world— her daughter.
She notices the tearful look on his face and immediately shoots up to touch his face, like how she always did.
"Did I say something wrong?"
He shook his head, softly leaning into her touch. Blinking back his tears, he regains his composure and sits up straight.
"Do you...do you have any idea on who you'd want Amelia's dad to be?" he asked, a look of hope and desperation in his brown orbs.
Again, she shrugs.
"I don't know, Avan. Probably my future husband," she snorts.
Just wait until she finds out she got pregnant even before they got engaged and she walked down the aisle with a one-year-old baby under her care.
"Hypothetically, what would you do if you ever got pregnant before marriage?" he rubs the nape of his neck. "Just hypothetically."
"Keep the baby. It doesn't matter if the dad is a deadbeat," she shrugs. "Motherhood is fascinating to me. Imagine growing an entire life inside you, all that potential and all those unmade choices."
"Motherhood suits you well," he blurts out. "I-I mean it will, I think."
"You're weird," she laughs. "I'm sorry, was that offensive? It's true though but I'm still sorry."
Avan feels the sudden urge to rub his nose against hers. That was what usually happened back then when they teased each other. They'd give eskimo kisses then they'd make out and one thing leads to another and they soon find themselves naked in bed. He missed that.
"Dude, I'm sorry. Did that offend you?" she sobers up at his silence and once again touches his face. "You okay?"
And for what felt like the thousandth time, he lies again, "I'm fine."
Liz, being who she was at the moment, believed him.
__________
I feel like y'all are getting bored of this book and I'm really sorry.Is anyone into musical theatre or just theatre in general? Do you wanna be friends? 👉🏼👈🏼
Hope you enjoyed this. Don't be afraid to comment down your thoughts! Lots of love! Be kind, y'all!
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Flowers//Elavan
Fanfiction"Flowers I remember fields of flowers, soft beneath my heels Walking in the sun I remember someone Someone by my side Turned his face to mine And then I turned away into the shade" Flowers from Hadestown. Sung by Eva Noblezada. Written by Anaïs Mitc...