Flowers//Elavan

~17~

He could feel his heart vibrating in his chest, the blood flowing through his every vein felt so tangible. To say that Avan was nervous is the understatement of the century. It was the feeling of holding something so precious in his hand and if he as much as breathed wrong, it would crumble into ashes and never be made whole again. He knew he was already on thin ice with Liz and he would do anything and everything just to make it up to her.

Shakily, he twisted the doorknob and took silent steps inside. As soon as he set foot into the warmth of her room, Avan stood awkwardly near the door, not really knowing what to do. His eyes wandered around the room as if he didn't already see it a thousand times just to avoid looking at her. He couldn't look at her; he was too scared.

Liz, too, felt her heart thumping against her ribcage. She tried to repress the feeling of regret as she watched Avan stuff his hands into the pockets of his pants. It felt right at the moment to allow him to come in, but as of right now, she didn't know how true that feeling was anymore.

"C-can I sit down?" Avan stutters, nodding to the thinly-padded bench across her bed.

"Sure," she nods.

Again, tension hangs low from the roof as Avan started to shake his leg in anticipation and Liz nibbles on her lower lip. None of them knew how or where to start so the deafening silence would have to do it for a few whiles.

Liz sighs to herself, realizing that Avan wouldn't be saying anything soon. She was the one who invited him in so maybe she should initiate it.

"So..." she trails. "Have you eaten?"

He nods, "You?"

"Nope," she shakes her head, popping her p exaggeratedly.

"They should have served your lunch nearly an hour ago," he states, blinking in confusion. Maybe he should check up with the kitchen crew.

"They did."

"And you didn't eat?"

"I wasn't hungry," she shrugs.

Avan gives her an unamused look. He wasn't angry but he didn't look happy. For a split second, Liz wondered if this was how their married life was like before this whole conundrum happened.

"Don't look at me like that," she huffs, crossing her arms.

He leans back against the wall that the spineless bench was rested against.

"I worry about you, Liz. I'm your...uhm," he didn't think the day would ever come where the word husband would feel like a taboo.

"My husband?" she quirks an eyebrow up intimidatingly.

"Yeah," he stiffly nods, the tips of his ears turning red. "I-I'm still sorry."

"Sorry you married me?" she narrows her eyes at him uncharacteristically.

Liz was never one to be mean or scary. If she ever came off that way to people, it was usually because she was working and some people just can't handle a powerful woman. But most of the time, she was a ball of sunshine and happiness. He used to say she had enough happiness in her to outshine the morning sun.

"Never," he shakes his head. "You could hate me to the point of wanting to kill me and I would never be sorry I married you."

She was silenced by that. They were simple words and anybody could easily pull that out of their pocket but the sincerity that enveloped his words warmed her heart. He might have lied to her in the past but she didn't find it hard to believe that he was being honest about what he just said.

Before the stunt he pulled, Avan had never lied to Liz. He couldn't even if he tried. So, he really wasn't trying to add another lie to his record.

"I don't hate you," she runs her tongue over her front teeth. "I was upset, yes, but I didn't push you away because I hate you, Avan. I just needed time to process everything."

He nods.

"Just to be clear, I meant that I was sorry for ever lying to you."

"Really? Gosh, I would have never figured that out," she sarcastically retorts.

He winced at her harsh tone. Avan rarely got to see this side, if he ever got to see it at all.

"You're mad," he whispers to himself but she heard it anyways. "You have every right to be."

He knew that the situation shouldn't be about him at all but he couldn't help but wallow in all the hate he was currently feeling for himself. He's been messing up things again and again, almost like he couldn't do anything right nowadays.

"I'd understand if...," he had to swallow a lump in his throat before he could continue. "If you don't wanna be with me-"

"Who said anything about not being with you anymore?" she furrowed her eyebrows. "I made you come in here to tell you I'm ready to forgive you and you tell me you're giving up on our marriage? What happened to 'in sickness and in health'?"

"I'm sorry but that wasn't the feeling I was getting from you, Liz. You sound right about ready to slit my throat," he shrugged calmly, trying not to upset her even further than he already has. "I would never want to give up on our marriage. I love you so god damn much. Why would I ever give you up?"

That was the first time he's told her he loves her since she woke up from the coma. She knew that as his wife, she was supposed to say it back but for some reason, she couldn't bring herself to say it.

She sighs loudly, "The point is, Avan, I want things to be okay between us again. I forgive you for lying to me."

Avan smiles contentedly at that, wanting nothing more but to kiss her right there and then.

"Thank you."

"Will you forgive me as well?" she bites her lower lip.

"For what?" he chuckles lowly.

"I dunno. I haven't really been keeping my end of the vows for quite a while now."

"That's not your fault though," he purses his lips. "Technically, it was mine for not telling you."

Liz wordlessly nods, not wanting to argue about it anymore. She wants to give him a hug and be held in return but she wasn't sure she would be comfortable with that yet. So, she sits still and swings her feet back and forth.

"I've gotta go. My patient is going to be needing me in five," he smiles at her.

"Will you come to eat with me again tomorrow?" she asks hopefully.

"Of course," he grins.

Avan walks to her door and twists it open. He steps outside and before he could close it, he mutters a certain phrase that stunned her.

"I love you."

Swiftly, he closes the door and jogs towards his next patient's room. He didn't wait for her to reply because he truthfully was too afraid of what she was going to say. He didn't want to see the look in her face when she realized what he said. His cowardice was his worst flaw.

Liz was left there, blinking in shock. Softly, she whispers to herself before curling into her blankets.

"I know."
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i wanna marry a poet so he can match my poetic sappiness. Istg my future husband is going to get the most poetic, the softest vows ever

Hope you enjoyed this. Don't be afraid to comment down your thoughts! Lots of love! Be kind, y'all!