Falling // Wolfstar

Eighteen

"Remus!"

Remus takes another spoonful of oatmeal when he hears his name. Davy Gudgeon walks up the aisle in the Great Hall, taking a seat next to the Gryffindor. His hair is neatly styled, as always, and his eyes are exceptionally blue today.

"You didn't come to book club last Friday and I wanted to see how you are doing," Davy says. "I brought this for you, in case you still wanted to come. If not I completely understand." He places a book on the table and slides it over to Remus.

"I'd love to stay in the club."

"Brilliant! If it's any consolation, I know we've only recently become friends, but if you ever need someone to talk to about I'm here."

Remus takes another spoonful of his oatmeal. "You haven't suffered from amnesia as well, have you?"

Davy shakes his head with a laugh. "Can't say I have, but I can reasonably assume you're very confused and I know talking about things is a good way to filter through all your thoughts."

"I appreciate it." His spoon scrapes along the bottom of his nearly empty bowl. "I've got to go to Transfiguration, but I'll see you around?" He pushes aside his breakfast and swings his legs over the bench.

On his way to McGonagall's, Remus allows his mind to wander. More often than not he finds himself thinking about Abigail as he waits for her letters, but today there's only one thing on his mind: Sirius Black. The smell of spice - a light cinnamon with hints of musk - lingers on his clothes after they sat next to each other while tying their shoes this morning. There's no doubt in his mind that they're close, just how close is the question. For starters, James and Peter certainly didn't have matching rings and necklaces. Underwear, maybe.

Remus feels his face flush when he realizes that Sirius has been on his mind way more than he'd like to admit. Once out of his daze, it becomes apparent that he's walked the complete opposite way to where he's supposed to be. A couple strolls on the other side passing him by without a second glance, leaving him all alone.

It's then when he notices a figure; his feet move on their own accord when he sees a boy standing up ahead. He squints his eyes, swallowing the lump rising in his throat.

"James?" he calls out.

The closer Remus gets, the clearer James becomes. His cheeks are burning rapidly, eyes nearly falling out of their sockets, and his hands trembling uncontrollably. James snaps out of his daze, shocked to see Remus standing before him. "Remus - I was looking for you!"

"What're you doing?" Remus asks.

"I came back early to keep you company. Come on, let's go play a game of chess."

Remus walks past James and grasps the door handle, bursting through the classroom. The only thing inside are empty desks and chairs stacked against the wall. Remus whips around instantly, finding himself alone in the corridor.

"Fuck off," Remus grits, slamming the door behind him. The memory is like a reoccurring nightmare. Every time it seems he's taken two steps forward, everything disappears leaving him in the dark ten steps behind.

*

*

*

"Boys I think tonight is the night," James announces to the dorm.

"You're finally getting a haircut?" Peter suggests with a snicker.

James rolls his eyes, ignoring the comment. "Don't be ridiculous, Pete. Tonight I'm going to ask Lily Evans out." A collective chorus of shouts and groans arise around the room. James jumps down from his trunk quickly dismissing them. "No, no you don't understand! This time it's different. I swear! I'm going to use the map -"

Sirius cuts James off at the mention of the map. "Erm...about that." He casts a look to Peter. "You wanna break the news?"

Peter shakes his head.

"What? What's wrong with the map?"

Remus sits idly on his bed, his head shifting between James and Sirius as if watching a muggle tennis match. His head aches like it's been hit from behind and the voices in the room slowly fade.

Rather than his bed, Remus is now sitting in the common room. Lily Evans is sitting beside him when the portrait swings open with a ruckus of laughter and wheezing sounds. The boys are gasping for air when James sees Lily.

"Hey Evans," he says charmingly.

"Potter," Lily replies automatically.

Remus stays silent, watching the memory play out.

James snaps out of his Lily daze, grabbing Remus' arm and hauling him up. "Come on big boy, we've got something to do."

The scene before him dissolves and he's back in the dorm sitting on his trunk. He looks around curiously, seeing he's still in the memory.

James and Sirius are whispering in the corner over a piece of parchment as Peter happily unloads a fresh set of quills and ink.

"Moony please," James snaps.

Remus looks to their direction immediately.

"The adults are talking here." James motions between himself and Sirius. Remus rolls his eyes - of course James would say something like that. "I don't like that attitude."

The conversations continue as if Remus had spoken.

"Technically you live here," Peter logically assesses. "It was more of a...hostile takeover."

Sirius and James walk over to him while Peter spreads his materials on the floor. Both Sirius and James share the same mischievous glint in their eyes, simultaneously intriguing and scaring Remus.

James rolls out a large piece of parchment before him.

Remus opens his eyes and once again he's in the dorm. Except this time it's just as he'd left it. The words just barely slip out of his mouth before he can even process its meaning, "The Marauder's Map."

Peter, the closest one to him, leans closer. "What did you just say?"

"The Marauder's Map. I - I remember." The slightest bit of hope rises within Remus, only for it to come crashing back down. His stomach is uneasy, like a hole growing larger and larger until it consumes him. He hangs his head with disappointment, unable to look the boys in the eye. "Filch took it from me."

"That grimy cat lover," James whispers with a snap of his fingers. "Reckon we can sneak into his office and get it back?"

Sirius shrugs. "I don't know about that. Once he took my textbook because I'd thrown it at Nott's head, and I was never able to get it back. Not that I used it anyway."

"I'm sorry guys," Remus says quietly. "If I'd known -"

"Moony don't say that," Peter offers comfortingly. "It's not your fault."

"But it is!"

"We don't need to map," James continues. "Even if we were blind we could get around this place without getting caught."

Sirius nods in agreement. "Don't take it personally, Rem. Just think, what if years from now somebody else finds their way into Filch's office and gets it. Maybe we'll be legendary enough for them to have heard all about us."

Remus holds his head in his palms, staring at the laces on his shoes intently.

"Maybe even our own kids!" James suggests. The three boys surround Remus, shaking him gently to get a smile out of him. "Where's that big bad wolf smile?"

Remus' lips quiver and he can't help but smile at their ridiculousness.

"There it is!" Peter says poking his cheek.