Falling // Wolfstar

Thirty One

"-and that's why you don't sleep with a mandrake in your bed." James stops talking when he notices Remus isn't walking beside anymore. "Oi - Rem!"

Remus lifts an eyebrow. "What?" He notices James is much farther ahead. "Sorry. I'll catch up with you later."

"But we were heading -" He catches wind of red hair down the way and the words are lost. "Actually, never mind. See you later Moony."

Remus waves a hand aimlessly. He stands beside an open door, listening in on the conversation that caught his attention initially. Davy is standing on the opposite side of Professor Kenn's desk. The bottom of his robes are in need of a good iron and he seems much more irritable than usual. "Professor this is absurd!" he argues.

"Mr. Gudgeon my word is final," Professor Kenn states calmly. "You will have to make up the work after class hours."

"But I did the work."

"You plagiarized another students work. You're lucky I don't revoke your grade entirely! Now please, I have another class coming in."

Remus steps aside when a few younger students walk through the door. He waits patiently outside for Davy to exit, smiling awkwardly at the students passing him. After a moment, Davy storms out of the classroom. His robes billow behind him as he walks away at a rather quick pace. Taking this moment, Remus jogs to catch up, acting as if it was mere coincidence.

"Hey Davy," Remus calls.

Davy searches around for the source and a wide smile resides on his face when he spots Remus. He slows to a stop, waiting for him to catch up. "Remus, what's up?" he asks.

"I actually was hoping you had some time to talk." He holds up the hardback book in his hand with an excited spring in his step. Its binding is black and the spine is cracked down the middle. Even the pages are a musty yellow. "I think the book club would really like this one. Unless you've already read it."

"What book is it?"

"Well actually it's a play, not so much a novel, called Cyrano de Bergerac. I think Allison will have plenty to debate at the next meeting." Remus swings open the door to the library, allowing Davy to enter first. "I'm actually interested in what she has to say. It's not a very feminist story."

"I've never heard of it."

"Well not too many people have I suppose. It's quite old and written in verse."

"Sounds...boring."

They take a seat in the chairs opposite one another. The library is rather packed at this hour, bustling with students coming in and out. Books are flying overhead and even Madame Pince is too preoccupied behind her desk to yell at the group of Gryffindors in the corner goofing around. Remus sets the book on the coffee table between then and tilts his head. "Really?" he questions. "I figured you'd be interested."

"Reading is all quite arbitrary, don't you think? It's all just make believe."

"You're not wrong." Remus crosses his legs as he leans against the tall backing of the chair. "If you put it that way, isn't everything make believe?" Davy doesn't follow. "I mean, obviously there's science and facts, but think of language! We all make random sounds that we call words and they make sense, but really they're all just made it up."

"Rem are you feeling alright?" Davy presses his hand to Remus' forehead and chuckles. "Just bring up Crayon de Burger in the next meeting and everyone can vote if we should read it."

"Cyrano de Bergerac," Remus corrects under his breath.

Davy toys with his sleeve, opting to change the subject. "You seem to be feeling better. Since..."

Remus recalls the last time they had spoken - his less than graceful departure from the Black Lake. "I'm sorry about that. It was really not a good memory I got back."

"What was it? If you don't mind me asking."

"It...was New Years Eve." His mind travels back to that night. "I was outside." He can visualize the puff of cold air forming from his breath. Fireworks flash before his eyes. Soft lips are pressed against his. A distant hint of peppermint is left in his mouth. "I went back inside." Snippets of his father's face appear in blurs. "My father was waiting." Remus blinks away the tears forming in the corner of his eyes. "He-he told me that I was practically - that I am sickening."

Davy listens intensely. "Why would he say that?" he asks softly.

"Because I was with Sirius Black."

"Sirius Black? I thought you were dating Abigail."

Remus lowers his head. "I was." He bites his lip in thought, boring a hole into the table. "I cheated on her. And it's the worst thing I've ever done."

"Why did you do it then?"

"I don't know why." Truthfully, Remus still doesn't know why. The facts are all there, but the intentions are beyond him. It's like he's reading a textbook but hasn't been taught any of the material yet. "My dad loved Abigail. More than me I think. Everyone loved her, really. She stuck with me through a lot, too. I depended on her for everything. We were the picture perfect couple..."

Davy's face settles into a frown. His eyes sparkle in the firelight - a bright blue, electric almost. "So your parents loved her, and you loved her. I don't see what Sirius Black had that would make you want to lose all of that."

The words resonate with Remus on some level. What did Sirius Black have? Abigail was good for him. He was accepted when he was with her. His mind is processing everything so rapidly he can't even comprehend the next few words that come out of his mouth. "I fell out of love with her."

"You fell out of love?" Davy has his arms resting on his knees, inching closer to Remus.

"I-I don't know. I miss Abigail, sort of. When my accident first happened she was the only person I wanted to talk to, but now...I'm just confused."

"May I?" Remus nods; he's slouched in his chair, holding his chin in his palm. "From my perspective, it seems that Sirius Black was a bit toxic for you."

"Toxic?"

"Well, everything went south when he entered the picture. Forgive me, but didn't he also try and attempt to murder somebody last year? You said it yourself - you and Abigail were the picture perfect couple. Then you become a cheater and your own father doesn't approve of you."

"It's more complicated than that."

"How so?"

Remus straightens up, shifting his knees away from Davy. "There's some personal things..." The walls of the library feel as if they're closing in on him slowly. "I just don't believe that Sirius would do that - I mean murder?" Remus watches the smoke dance on the tips of the blazing fire in the fireplace. It swirls around in the air freely before slipping up through the chimney. "Sirius doesn't have that hatred in him"

"But what about his family? You can't ignore that he's associated with..." Davy lowers his voice to a whisper, "Death Eaters."

"Black is just a name." Remus's gaze hones in on the logs cracking beneath the fire. The smoke seeps between the vibrant flames, forming two silhouettes. Two people sitting on the log side by side. "It matters that you act as the person you are on the inside and it will show on the outside."