A Beautiful Decay

In Silence-There Is Death, In Sound-There Is Sleep

The sounds of embers and fire cracking resonated around the campsite, like an off-rhythm clicking. The wood would be nudged or oxygen would reach an untouched flame and more embers would shoot up into the air in a fountain of ash. It was therapeutic to be sitting here, listening as the fire sung. 

I'm not really one for conversations. I wouldn't say I'm necessarily shy. I've had my fair share of friends through the years. Lily from elementary school, Tina in middle, even now I as I sit facing the growing fire, three girls sit with me. They talk endlessly on overused subjects, prattling on as if they let the silence remain even for a moment, they would be punished. It's funny in a way, to listen as they try to talk over one another, desperate to voice opinions they've had since freshman year. 

They've briefly asked for my thoughts on one thing or another before moving on faster than I could blink. Not that I minded, in fact I prefer silently observing, a stranger on the inside. Or better yet just soaking up the feeling of having people beside me. I can stare at rising embers for hours as long as one of the other girls is always beside me; as long as I'm not alone. 

It's why I had decided to join the girls when they asked if I wanted to go camping for the weekend. It was a long weekend, and since my parents worked in the school, they got the same days off as me. I guess they thought it would be good to let me stay home by myself for the weekend, mumbling something about how I was "going to college next year" and "needed to get used to living without them". 

Complete BS.

I was fine living without them. It wasn't who the people were that kept me grounded. It was having something besides silence as a companion. 

I loathed silence. 

Even when they were in the house I always had to have music or the tv playing to drown out the endless silence. 

the flames licked up higher onto the sides of one of the base logs. Flickering slightly from the loss of the small branches it had consumed too quickly. 

I was so lost in thought I jumped slightly when I heard my name being called out sharply.

"Gwen! Hellllo?" Stacy's southern accent drawled as she leaned closer to me, her thin and definitely not meant for 'roughing it' shirt pushing up against the edge of her chair. 

I met her expectant brown orbs, recognizing instantly the annoyance in them that so often clouded her face. 

"Yeah?" I asked quietly, hands going up instinctively to play with the split ends of my braid. 

"I said did you see that?"

"See what?"

Stacy sighed in over-dramatic exasperation as the others giggled. 

"See the animal? I swear to God I just saw a Coyote or something pass by the tent. It was bigger than a dog for sure." She said. "Were you even listening Gwen? I swear to God you just tune us out half the time."

Oh, honey if only she knew. I probably caught a third of their babbling on a good day.

" Yeah, I was. Sorry, I guess I just zoned out for a second." I laughed awkwardly, hoping she would drop it. It wouldn't be the first time.

She narrowed her eyes slightly, enough where I could distract myself by staring at her cheap smudged eyeliner. Who in their right mind wears eyeliner on a wilderness getaway?  It wasn't exactly like our next hiking stop was freaking prom. 

"So you did see the dog?"

"I thought you said it was a coyote?" That was obviously the wrong question to ask as I watched her eyes narrow into even thinner slits.