Desire

Chapter 5 One day

8/16/20 12:38 p.m ~ Tuesday

I wake up Wrapped in Julians arms, both of us still completely naked, Only difference is when I fell asleep I was on him,, now his arms are around my waist, and his hands are laying on my breasts, he's still sleeping, he looks so at ease. Oh my gosh I'm falling for him, and I can't control it. I really need to talk to him about this. I dont wanna wake him so i just enjoy the moment. I start playing in his hair, softly massaging his scalp, his curls are soft, and really long.

He starts to switch positions, i move my hand, and now hes facing me, but still laying down, I put my hand back in his hair and continue to massage him. I look down at him and see him slightly smiling.
Me:"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you, I just had to play in your hair."
Julian:" No its okay,, it felt good"
I put my hand back and continue to play in his hair.

Me:" Goodmorning"
Julian:" Goodmorning boo,, how long have you been up"
Me:" Not that long"
Julian:" Was I snoring?"
Me:" No, you sleep cutely though"
Julian:" Thank you"
Me:" No problem,, but um I think we should talk"
Julian:"About?"
Me:" This,, and the way I feel about it"

He sits up facing me, making eye contact.
Julian:" Don't tell me you regret it."
Me:" Oh God,, Julian no, of course I don't regret it."
Julian:" Then what is it?"
I break eye contact not wanting to cry.
Me:" We,, I- I'm scared."
Julian:" Of what?"
Me:"This"
Julian:" What? You scared u pregnant or something?"
Me:"No Julian. . Nevermind"

Julian:"No what is it?"
Me:"I cant be with you."
Julian:" Why?"
Me:" Because I'm getting attached to you and I hate it. I wanna be distant but I can't stand to be away from you too long. I don't wanna get attached but I love being around you. Dammit Julian, I'm falling in love with you and I hate it, cause i'm not in control".
Julian:" Why? Don't hate it, let it happen."

Me:" I can't just let it happen."
Julian:" WHY?"
Me:" CAUSE YOUR GONNA BREAK MY HEART."
Julian:" No I'm not, How am I gonna break your heart?"
Me:" Cause Julian I'm not anything. And one day your gonna realize that. I'm not gorgeous or Latina. I don't have a nice body or lots of money. My hair isn't straight and my body has stretch marks. One day your gonna realize that what you have is less than what you can pull."
Julian:" Your insecure, i get that. But trust me i'm not gonna break your heart. Yes your not Latina, but that's because your my melanin queen, yes your hair isn't straight but I love your curls and your afros. Your body is perfect to me. And your stretch marks are sexy and natural. And I don't care about money, and look at this house, you didn't get it for free. Jayla I'm falling in love with you,, I wanna be with you. I don't want another girl."

Me:" Julian don't say that. Cause you don't know. There are girls out here that would kill,, literally to have you."
Julian:" What are you talking about? I'm literally just a nobody."
Me:" Your a nobody with 467k followers on Instagram and 1.9M on tiktok? But your a just a nobody right?"
Julian:" How- You know who I am?"
Me:" Yes Julian I know who you are, I know all of you guys Marc, Jr, Mathew, Jude, Marcky. I know your siblings Gem, Angel, and Gian."

Julian:" Are you serious?"
Me:" Yes Julian I'm serious, I know about all of you."
Julian:" So why are you just now saying something?"
Me:" Cause I just wanted to be friends, it was my first time in San Antonio, my first time at that High school and I wanted friends. I also didn't want y'all to think that I just wanted Clout. So I didn't say anything. But when were you guys gonna tell me."
Julian:" When we trusted you, We were gonna let you know. We didn't know if you just wanted clout or not so we decided to play it safe."

Me:" I don't want clout, I want friends and fun. I want adventures and success."
Julian:" And I want you."
Me:" Julian.."
Julian:" Jayla I don't care. I don't care who wants me, i don't care about the Latinas, I don't care about the money, or body. I don't care about anything else but you. I want you. Your the girl that I know will help me succeed, cause that's what you do. And I love that about you."
Me:" But Julian you said it yourself you don't want a girlfriend, cause you don't have time. You wanna focus on yourself first. You want a girl that can help you solve your problems. What happened to that?"