A Trip to The Philippines | Oikawa T. [𑁍]

03 |

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"NANGHIHINA AKO, GUSTO NA TALAGA KITA KAUSAPIN."

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        Iwaizumi is currently holding himself back from raising a very, very, confuse brow. From Oikawa's story, he fully understands why you've come up with the conclusion of breaking up. Really, he does understand that. However, what he doesn't seem to get is the fact that making that decision is almost like the easiest thing you've done in your six years of being together --for Oikawa, that is--. He strongly believes that if you gave him the chance to speak of his side, he would take the opportunity and lay down all the feelings he has been hiding behind his back. 

   Iwaizumi clearly remembers Oikawa's words. From the first one to the last. What he doesn't remember is Oikawa claiming that he still hasn't accepted accepted the fact that you broke up with him. In fact, Oikawa agreed to come to the Philippines to have some sort of closure with you. To finally cut the ties--it doesn't seem like that's the plan at all. 

   But right now, Oikawa's just tangling the rope of you and his relationship once again. He's never going to make this situation easy. He wants you back. He lied about closure. He came here to have you back. 

   "Ano? Baliw ba 'to?" (What? Is he crazy?) you turn to Iwaizumi with an almost offended expression. 

   If Oikawa thinks you're that easy and you'll welcome him back once more into your life, then he's wrong.

  "Mag usap kayo, labas ako diyan." (Talk to each other. I'm out of here.) A huff escapes from Iwaizumi along with a visible scowl forming his lips a as he makes his way back to his house. 

  You knew that listening to a couple's quarrel is such a stressful experience a friend could listen to. In this case, you do not need a friend to ask for opinions on how to handle your ex-boyfriend. This time, it is you who needs to make decisive decisions for yourself, same things goes for your ex-boyfriend--who stands in front of you with a soft and delicate look. You never thought you'd see him like that again. 

   Oikawa, who was always abrupt, confident, and boastful, is now standing in front of you,  accusing you of making a decision of your own and not considering his own. 

    10:34 in the evening, inside your uncle's unoccupied jeepney, you sat across from Oikawa, watching him struggle with the space. 

  "Isn't it a little cramp in here?" he questions, attempting to hide how uncomfortable he is. He gave it away by constantly shifting from side to side. He didn't want to offend you or your family's jeep. 

  "Do you want to talk to me in a public space instead?" you question, peeking outside the jeepney's window. The only people around are your neighbors having a late night drinking session. 

  "No." Oikawa purses his lips, finally having a more comfortable position. "This is okay." 

   "How did you not agree?" you immediately question. You are hungry for answers yourself. "Just because you didn't agree to break up with me, doesn't mean I have to obliged to your decision."

  "That time, I thought that you were pretty irrational and childish." Oikawa say. It felt as if an arrow of truth shot through you. "You didn't let me speak. You broke up with me and left. Did you heard a word I said that day?"

  "You didn't say anythig." you argued, furrowing your brows. 

  "Why did you think that is? You didn't let me. You left like my words didn't matter." He says, frowning as he recalls that specific event. He hates so much. "Why did you think I didn't bother contacting you again? It's because I was frustrated and angry with you. You hurt me a lot." 

  "You hurt me first." you can feel a light sting in your chest as you spoke. Your throat is beginning to ache as you held back unwanted tears. "I felt neglected when I was with you. It's as if volleyball mattered more to you than I did. You have no idea how many nights I cried when I realized that I was not in the future you want. I was never there, admit it. It was just you, your career, and your stupid ball." 

  "The future I want? What do you mean, [ name ]?" Oikawa looks confuse and hurt. "In my vision, in my preferred future, you were always there. I wanted you beside me and I would throw the ball away if I had to. Where did you get the idea that you were never part of my dreams?" 

  Oh, what a story of misunderstanding you two have. 

  "You implied it, you made me feel it! You were so distant it was killing me and driving me insane."  a clear scowl on your lips is visible, the lights of your neighbors' homes reflecting on your built up tears. "I think you forgot the part where you pushed me aside and didn't consider giving a little attention for the effort I constantly do to show you how much I support you and your career. You were giving me false promises every birthdays, anniversaries or any events that includes the two of us. I asked you what about me once you live Argentina, what did you say?" 

  "You're fine alone, right?"

"...You're fine alone, right?" 

  Repeating his words before, Oikawa got himself sighing. Looking back, he's gone completely insane back then and greedy for improvement and success. His mistake's killing him, too. The fact that he did not even consider bringing you with him or thought of an alternative solution to be with you has got to be the most insensitive thing he has ever done to you. He now understands why you thought he has loved you less and why you felt like you were never part of his future. 

  This is a mess. He thought he was doing well with you. 

  He is incredibly wrong. 

  The silence between you two are louder than the drunk neighbors from across the road. 

  "Can I...love you again? This time...I'll love you better." Oikawa suddenly questions. Slowly, he's putting his pride aside to once again show you how genuine he is. He was frustrated with the lack of communication you showed, not considering the fact that he was like that, too. 

  Cheeks heating up from the tears that are swelling up, you sniffed and uttered out the last words you can speak. A few more words and you might end up crying in front of him. You can't have him see that. 

  "I'm going home." you sniffed as you quickly hoped off the empty jeepney, running back to your house as the tears that you were holding back now did not hesitate to roll down your cheeks. 

    Oikawa's left inside the unoccupied jeepney as he recalls his twisted faith with you. It wasn't just you. Both of you were the problem--but it was him who initiated such feelings. 

  Oh, how he's getting consumed by guilt with each passing second. 

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07/08/2023