The Loner

Riley's Say

Riley's POV:

The next morning I woke up, he was gone. Just like I intended it to be. But the pain cut deep in my soul and I wasn't too sure how to fix this one this time. I tried to contact him, but I got no response. I looked around my house hoping that he had left a note or something, but there was no trace of him. After screaming, crying and drinking, I finally became numb. Tai is out of my life for good. Which is what I wanted. Now I can go back to the way I was before he interrupted my very soul. 

When a day turned into a week I decided to let it go. I knew that he was only a few feet away or I could text or call, but he made his decision. And I was going to stand in mine. Men  always choose themselves or they choose someone else. This was not a surprise to me, but damn did this one really hurt. I've seen this kind of abandonment story with my clients all day long, but I thought I had healed past mine. Tai leaving was fresh cracked pain that i was not ready to feel. So I went to what I always do.  

I called my one and only sister Jade.

"Well how are you Stranger, long time no talk."

"Are you available?"

"Well just on my honeymoon no big deal."

"Oh so you finally got married to Lorenzo huh?"

"Yep, but he's cooking out back, so what's up?"

I told her everything. I know I'm a shitty sister cause its been almost 2 years since I talked to her, but I don't really talk to anyone, that's my rule. People are horrible for the most part and I only deal with who I have to for a living and money reason. However ever since I moved to the mountains I had lost touch. She's the only other person who knows this side of me. The side that never lets anyone in, and the side that's hugely regretting it now. I told her all about Tai, the sex, the cooking, the festival, and right up until our massive fight and my meltdown. I told her how it's been a week since he's not talk to me, and how I am losing my mind trying to hurry and pushed past it. 

"You really loved this guy"

"Shut up, you can't fall in love in two weeks"

"Yea but you did. Why don't you just call him?"

"And say what? 'Hey you kinda left me can I do anything to get you back?' "

"Maybe not exactly those words but something similar. You found someone, why not just try and see how it ends."

"Jade I know you're on your honeymoon and all lovey-dovey like the shit heads we use to make fun of, but get real for a second please. He already ended things by leaving without saying good bye and by not saying anything for a week to me."

"You haven't said anything either to him for a week."

"What the fuck do you think I should say? Beg him to take me back? Fat fucking Chance! I will never beg a man and make myself look like some pathetic little bitch who can't stand on her own two feet because some stupid man left me."

"How long are you gonna beat yourself up about Greg?"

She said his name. That name that made me feel all too much, that made me a blithering blubbering pathetic idiot. All through grade school I pined for him and he over and over rejected me until one day he decided to use me for sex since he was a hormonal teenager. Then years later he came back into my life we had an abusive relationship, and I begged him to take me back but he was already married to someone else and was about to have a kid with her at the time. I made a promise to myself to never let that happen again, and I won't start now. 

"Greg is the reason I am not about to beg Tai now. He made his decision."

"Okay but maybe he was wanting you to come after him."

"Well fuck him. I beg after no man and that's that!"

I got off the phone, and decided that I needed to blow off some steam. So I headed to the dance studio. 

Two Weeks Later:

I had to leave. I hate that I made such a hasty decision, but I couldn't stay. Me and Riley got too rapt up in this romance that was going to make us both miserable in the end. She wanted her freedom, and I only wanted to have a break from work. As it were I went back to my apartment . As promised my boss promoted me, but my eyes were not fresh as he had suggested. I did what I did best. I just jumped right into another case. 

With my promoted position, had to do a lot of managing for the cases that were done around the office. My head was focused when it came to work. Later at night, and most nights since I have been home, I catch myself seeing Riley smile, or missing the way she kissed me, or missing the way she felt in my arms. Maybe I made a mistake, but she definitely didn't need me messing her life up. She couldn't fathom leaving the mountains, I the way things are with this new position, I would be lying if I said I could get up to the mountains that often. 

My mom always said some things are simply just not meant to be and you gotta get over that. Did I love Riley? Of course I did, but love isn't enough and that's reality. I have just resolved that I will always be fond of that memory and hold it dear to my heart, but I gotta move on. She wants to be alone all her life, and she made it very clear to me. My only regret now is that I didn't leave a note letting her know I loved her. I could always text, but I let the days slip too far from me. If I text now, she probably doesn't even care or maybe by now she's blocked me. 

She probably screamed about all the things she hates about men, and that I just was another one that proved all her theories right. I leaned over my night stand to turn the light out and whispered

"I'm sorry Riley."