The Loner

Somethings' Missing

It's been over 3 months since I left the cabin and I had gotten into my new position at work. I would lying to myself if I said that I don't miss Riley. I just couldn't handle how good things were going. I was okay with how things ended with Beverly because now I see that she wasn't the love of my life as I once thought. However the thought of losing Riley would just hurt to much if something happened after being so deep into the relationship that we were starting. It was better to let it go now. 

"Miller, get in here."

"Yes si- I mean Eric"

"What's up with you?"

"I don't know what you mean sir."

"You went on a month vacation and the first month you seemed on fire, but now. You seem distracted. You're not handling this position I gave you like I thought you would."

I didn't know what to say so I let him continue.

"I retire in two weeks Miller, and I want you to have this position and take over things for me, but I need you focused. This is..-"

I looked at him bewildered but he went to his office door and shut it with a sound click and lock.

"This is gonna sound crass but-" He continues. "When's the last time you had some ass?"

I should be caught off guard by my boss asking me that question, but all it made me remember is the night that Riley was in my cabin, and the way she rode me on the couch. Fuck I don't need to be thinking about this now. 

"Um... maybe 3 or 4 months ago."

"So you did get some while on the vacation."

"Yea..."

"Something happened on the trip didn't it?"

I didn't look him in the eye.

"Okay Miller, whatever happened you got one week to deal with it you hear me? Next week take off and do whatever you gotta do to get yourself together cause I need you. You're the only one I trust for this job and I am not hiring anyone new no matter what corporate told me. I'm counting on you to hold this company up after I retire. So take the week off come back here on my last week with fresh eyes, and fresh mind understand me?"

"Yes sir- I mean..-"

"It's okay, that's why I know you're the right person, you respect everyone even that dim-whit Issac."

I couldn't help but chuckle at that notion. I couldn't stand Issac. 

"You can go home now Miller, start your week, I'm counting on you!" 

I left out of his office, and was more confused than anything about this whole day. However one thing was clear, I couldn't stop thinking about Riley. 

Riley's POV

My therapist banging on my door for the third time this week was not what I had in mind for  impromptu break. 

"You can't hide in here forever Riley! And I can't keep coming up here to bang on your door every fucking day, just open it so we get this over with."

"I'll call the cops on you, you old bat bitch"

"Yea, and I'll have you committed with a court order now open this fucking door!"

As I got up I heard her mumble "I'm way too old for this shit." I  unlock the door, but don't open it. I walk back to my couch where I had been watching Living Single, and Sex and the City back and forth. She must of heard the click since she rammed the door open as I got back to the couch. She looks around at all the food bags and debris.

"What the fuck has gotten into you?"

"What are you my mother?"

"No, I'm too old ,and you are too bratty to be my daughter."

"What do you want, Madeline?"

"Why do you think I am here?"

"To meddle in my business, meddling madeline as they call you."

"Yea, and it's my meddling is what got me into this business, and what got me to do a good job. Now turn off the fucking TV, and actively listen to me."

Reluctantly  I turned off the TV and looked at her.

"What?!"

"Come here."

I get closer to her.  She was an elderly dark skin woman with wild salt and pepper locs, and sunglasses on her head. She looks me deep into my eyes.

"You...fucking....Stink!"

"Oh fuck you!"

"Fuck you! what are you doing? When's the last  time you took a shower? Why are you surrounded by McDonald's bags and empty Jack Daniel's bottles? 'Surprised a bear hasn't come through here."

"I'd welcome that now." I mumbled. 

"Oh so is that it? Do I need to 1013 you?"

"No."

"Then what is going on with you?"

"I just...I just don't feel like doing this shit anymore okay."

"Doing what?"

"This! I mean this is all a crock of shit. We sit down with our clients every day telling them all these fucking ways to cope with life and how life can be better. We tell them that they need to love themselves this and Eat,Pray, Love that. Oprah, Deepak Chopra, Don Miguel Ruiz, Freud, Jung, Maslow, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Super Soul Sundays The whole 9 yards. All the books and research, be your own best friend. Mindful this, be in the moment that. Write, Say, Feel this ! Well Fuck this! And fuck that too! It doesn't fucking work. NONE OF THIS EVER FUCKING WORKS!"

She grabs me as I'm spinning. And holds my wrist.

"No don't give me that bullshit. What is it really? Release it now!"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck you, say it! What is it!?!"

I shook my head no. She held tighter .

"Release it!"

"I..."

"Look me in the eyes, and you fucking tell me what the fuck is it?!"

"I...

"Dammit Riley why are you giving up?"

"I... miss...him..." I cried and I shattered all over her.  I cried all over her.

"Release it. Release it now."

I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!!!???!!" and I shook with all my might. I cried like a baby with every part of my limbs trembling.  

I was thrashing, scratching, and crying wailing, but Madeline took all of it. She was pretty strong to be 72. She didn't budge a bit while I did all of this. When I had finally calmed down, she released me and said

"Good. Now go take a fucking shower. I'll start cleaning some of this up."

I stood and let the water fall on me. Every memory of  the past few months came trickling back. It seemed so silly now as I watched my own memories. I fell in love, got my heart broken again and now I can't bring myself back together.  No more. I washed my by body and washed my mind of anything remotely left of Tai Miller.