Letters to Him

A Month Apart

Pain is all I feel at the moment. You see in life u think people want what's best for you but in the end, you find out that it wasn't in fact for your benefit. I have kept it all in, trying to find myself in this mess, trying to pinpoint the source of my sadness but it was as if I was looking into a black pit of endless pain and sorrow.

Smiling, I try and please everyone else

Comforting, I try and make others feel happy

And the love, I tried giving everyone else

But in the process I ended up hating myself, I currently can't look at myself in the mirror without cringing

I can't close my eyes, in fear that the memories will come back to haunt me

I can't tell myself I am fine because I am not.

I have held it in, in hopes that it would disappear.

I have held it in in hopes that it won't affect me and I can forget everything,

But all it has done is fall onto the pile of misery welling up in my heart.

All it has done is push me to be the person I am today, and you would think that is a good thing but in all honesty, it's not.

I gave you my love, hoping you would keep it

I let my tears fall, hoping you would wipe it away

I opened up, in hopes that you will cherish me for who I am and love me for who I am but now I know that we both had different ideas as to what we called our 'love'.

Did I give too much?

Did I not give enough?

I ask myself every-night what anyone sees's in me and that question leaves me pondering for hours.

Although I have moved on, it hurts me that your happy, and I am not, stingy I know but what it is that hurts me is that at the moment, I am not the source of your happiness.

Was it that easy to move on?

Didn't all this time mean something to you?

Did I mean anything to you?

I asked myself every night.. was this the right thing to do? If I didn't bring up the breakup, would everything have been the same?
I prayed and prayed to god to keep you in my life

I prayed that what I was doing was the right thing

I prayed that no matter what we will always have each other's back

But look at us now, thousands of miles apart and barely any words between us.

Talking on the phone has become a thing of the past when we'd spend hours and hours talking about everything about life, our future, love, where we shared our deepest and darkest moments.

All those promises we made in hopes to fulfill some in the future and yet here we are

Thousands of miles apart and barely any words between us.

I still picture that day,

U held my hand and looked me in the eye and told me u love me

On that day I gave u my word to always love u

And on that day I made a promise to myself which was to always be loyal to you no matter what

And here I am keeping my word, and there u are, having moved on already.

A month apart and look at us now,

A month apart and look at us now.

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Hey guys so im publishing the work that I have already written as well as a new one I wrote today. Please no hate or judgement this is very personal to me and I hope you guys enjoy reading them