Letters to Him

Goodbye My Love

*This is by far one of the most personal written works I wrote. -> One that I was not going to post so please no hate or judgment*

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To my lover, my best friend, and my bubzy,

The time has come where you are now my ex. Where you no longer are going to be a part of my day, my night, and my routine and I feel lost.

You know they say heartbreak hurts and it takes time to heal but the pain I'm feeling is indescribable, my soul feels as if it's being ripped out my body, my heart is aching and my throat feels tight. I can't express everything I am feeling as I don't know what I am feeling.

I don't know if its pain, sadness, anger, or disappointment?

I don't know what is going through my mind.

I can't close my eyes without seeing your face in my thoughts, I can't hug anyone without feeling your warm embrace engulfing me. That feeling is a feeling that haunts me to this day. It was your smile that brought happiness and joy in my life, It was your laugh that felt like nothing on this earth can hurt me and brought me peace.

My first real love and it feels as though time with you was never enough. Hours felt like mere minutes and a second of your time healed hours of my anxiety and sadness.

To this day, you made me feel as though I was the most special thing to ever enter your life.

Our relationship had a fire, it burned with passion, love, and pure bliss. I have never been so raw and open with someone as I was with you and a part of me knows I will never be able to.

They say time will heal my heart but the memories you left behind are scarred and imprinted in my mind and heart.

The love I have for you is beyond words, to the point where your happiness always came before mine. I couldn't fathom the idea of not having you with me.

We made plans, we made promises and to this day a part of me still has hope that they will be fulfilled but deep down I know there is a chance it doesn't.

I don't know what to do nor do I know how to feel. It feels as if you are still here. I don't want to believe that you are truly gone. That I won't wake up to your good morning text, sleep to your calming voice telling me how much you love me.

But reality hit and It hurts to know that you really are gone.

If I could turn back time and relive the moments we had, oh how I would go back without thinking twice.

With years of getting to know each other, I knew you inside out and there was never a time where I judged you, my love was endless and when it came to you, I knew I would never let anything get past us, because of my love for you, I would never have let anything push us apart, because of my love for you I was willing to sacrifice anything and I would still do it in a heartbeat because you are the one thing on this earth that brought me happiness like no other.

Yeah, the future would have been a challenge but I know no matter what we would have stuck by each other's side.

No matter where we were in this world, I knew if you were by my side, nothing else mattered.

As I write this I wonder if we will ever get back together.

I feel overwhelmed with the pain I don't even know if I will ever be the same.

You have given me so much to live for and I know its silly that this is all happening because of one guy but when one considers you to be a part of their soul, their other half, and they are suddenly ripped away it feels empty. It feels hollow, that place that once held your love for me and presence feels empty.

The memories are burning in my head but all I can do is bite back the sobs because I know once I let myself go, I don't know if I will come back.

I'm sorry if I ever upset you, or hurt you in any shape or form. I could never handle the thought of upsetting you let alone hearing you cry.

That one night when we promised no matter what or who stands in the way of our future, we will never let it get past us, I meant my part and to this day I mean it.

There never came a second where you weren't on my mind. If I could remove the burden from your life I would, If I could take away your pain I swear to god I would.

It scares me because deep down I know I will never let anyone in as much as I let you in.

I won't allow myself to, because I know deep down I will never get over you and I feel as though because of that my time to heal will never fully finish.

Never less... I wish you the best my love, I really do. I always had your interest first and your happiness and will never wish hate or negativity upon you. If you find someone that will bring you twice as much happiness as I did then go for it, you have my support. My bubzy, if only things didn't turn out the way it did, then I wouldn't be writing this at 5 am, with no sleep or food in my system crying my eyes out in a dark room.

I prayed for you and prayed that if it was meant to be it will happen and as painful as this sounds a part of me doesn't know what to believe anymore.

I wish you the best and hope you truly end up as happy as you can be. If there ever comes a time where you need me I will always be here for you, through thick and thin.

I love you infinity and Beyond Thanos snap 69.

Goodbye my love 

Till next time

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This was the hardest thing I probably have ever posted or written and If anyone relates to this please feel free to message me I know the feeling and am always here.