Crashing Into You

Martha

Motor center was right smack in the middle of Nashville. It wasn't that far away from my moms house so she could help me with Alex.

This still feels like a sick and twisted dream. Like, at what point in my life could I have known about this cancer. Doctor said it took years to get this aggressive. Poor Alex, my sweet baby. The tears threaten, once again. I feel like such a baby. Maybe this is God punishing me for leading such a horrible life.

"You are all checked in, baby." My mom looks at me, her eyes and cheeks still red from the tears. "Honestly, I can take care of Alex you won't need to worry at all. Just worry about getting healthy."

"I should be worried about you, you are older than me. Are you sure he won't be too much to handle." It's no surprise that my boy is stubborn and a bull....hmm remind you of anyone.

I can't even breathe, what if I just told Jeff about Alex. Would Jeff want him...? I brush the thought away. No, I'm not going to give up yet. I want to live. I want to live for Alex. I have to live for Alex.

The nurse put me in a wheelchair and my baby was cuddled up next to me. My big boy was about to be 2, my heart swelling with love and sadness.

My mom put all my bags in the double room. I was having to room with another lady, Martha is her name. The nurse has told me how sweet she is and I really can't wait to meet her.....under different circumstances would be better.

"Wow, this place is really nice. It looks comfy." My mom is so awkward. She is just trying to sooth your soul.

The nurse walks in wheeling an older looking lady, maybe 55? 60? I wouldn't dare ask. She looked fragile and sad. I would have to change that.

"Hi, my name is Emma. I am your new roommate." I say a little too...cheerfully.

"Oh so nice to meet you, my last roommate died yesterday."

Uh...oh God, help me. "I am so sorry to hear that."

"Alright, ladies...and little man." The nurse spoke looking down at Alex in that last part. "It's time for bed and visiting hours are over. You may come back tomorrow at 8. Here, let me walk you out."

How I wish I could just go with them.

I knew the way Martha was looking she wS not feeling up for chit chat. So I closed my eyes, letting the dreams consume me.

I look up at the brooding boy with the green eyes. "So, why didn't you sit next to me?"

"Because you insult me every chance you get."  I love when I can be confident when I talk to the asshat.

"Hm, well I didn't like it....you shoulda been on my lap." He looked down and I absolutely SWOON, over that stupid pig statement. What the frack is wrong with me.

His eyes are green like the grass. Stop that! His eyes are green like the swamp. He is not a good guy, he uses girls. Get it together.

"You would have another girl on your lap by the end of the day even if I did." I scoffed. Maybe he missed my swooning.

"Not a chance would I let another girl sit on my lap, after my lap has been graced with your ass." He wink.

The heat rising in my cheeks is giving me away. "Well, shoulda sat on your lap then. Might have made a decent man out of the whole player facade you got going on." I start to walk away.

"Would like you see you try, Em. It's not a facade." He winks at me,

I smile, he loves me.

I wake up completely soaked. Unsure if I remember the entire scene the correct way. Where is Jeff now I wonder. Is he married? Does he think about me at all? Get a grip. He told you he didn't love you so many times in your damn life. You are the only one thinking of him.

Sighing, I fall back asleep,