Tsukishima Kei found himself that evening walking that ever so familiar sidewalk, to those somber grey gates. It was one of the only things that really brought him solace in times like these. The air was cool and kept raking through his hair, like an overly affectionate grandmother who had not seen her grandson in years. Tsukishima only wished this reunion of sorts could be anywhere near as happy as the moment he knew he was about to experience.
Growing up Yamaguchi was almost a constant. It seems bitter and strange to not have him anymore, there's no one to watch him play volleyball, no one to walk home with, and no one to put up with him the way Tadashi did. As his eyes begin to water, along the sidewalk he passes another person, quickly pulling the scarf he was wearing half over his face to hide his tears. It was Yam's scarf. He took a deep breath in, to just smell the scarf itself to somehow feel closer to the person who had been gone from his life for months. All this action did was cause the tears to well up in his eyes, his feet picking up their pace as he headed through the creaky gates once again, and through the maze of headstones. Following the same path, he had been on many times before until he slumped down under the cherry tree head leaning against a headstone.
"Hey Yams." though it pained him to be here and he knew that the tears he fought so hard against were inevitable, he knew this was the best thing he could do for himself at this moment. He bows his head into his hands and speaks again, this time quieter with the faint crack of sorrow laced into the words.
"Your sweaters don't smell like you anymore." a moment of silence seems to take over the area, "none of them do... Yams, you really are gone huh." he sniffled and wiped his nose with the sleeve of his own shirt. Through the years Tsukki had grown so very fond of that signature scent Yamaguchi seemed to have, something sweet like vanilla and the fresh scent of spring leaves almost. He could never put his finger on why Yam's always smelled like that, or why it stuck to the sweaters more than anything else.
He sat and reminisced on those things he missed so dearly about Yamaguchi, about how in those last few months alive, his scent changed. From the sweet and fresh scent he had grown to love, to the sterile empty smell of medical equipment, of hospitals, but underneath all the cold sterile smell, Yamaguchi still always smelled vaguely sweet and fresh, like spring. The thought of just even the scent of hospitals sent his mind into a spiral. No one was expecting what happened to Tadashi to ever happen.
As he leaned against the headstone eyes still full of tears, he blames himself for not worrying sooner, for not noticing anything was going on until he collapsed in the crowd during a game. The paramedics were called and the sound of the ambulance screaming into the parking lot still rings in his skull. How when they were at the hospital and they had gotten Tadashi to wake up, and able to stand on his own again, they pulled him into a room Yams grabbing onto Tsukki's hand, and that's when it hit him, fear.
An old doctor in a white lab coat sat behind a big mahogany desk, he looked at the papers and the sigh that came from that man was no indication of the pain he was about to cause. Yamaguchi was very ill, nothing viral or contagious, but something a bit more sinister was slowly prying Tadashi out of Tsukishima's grip. The pain of that conversation would however be nothing compared to the pain that would occur a month later when they were pulled into the same office, and told Tadashi was not going to get better. It was terminal. It felt like his whole life had been ripped away from him, he was going to lose his rock, Yamaguchi.
With his mind swirled under the orange leaves of the tree and the cool marble still pressed to his side, Kei couldn't help but cry. So he cried and cried and cried. Yams never deserved to die, fate was such a cruel force for doing this. Yams never wronged the world, why had the world chosen to give him a fate so tragic. Even in the final months of his life, Yamaguchi didn't stop smiling, though the pain, sadness, and fear behind the smiles grew, he never stopped smiling. He didn't stop until he had given everything he had to give, and he slipped away. Not many words were shared that evening in the cemetery, but emotions spilled over and sorrow found another knife to bury in the back of Tsukishima Kei.
